neighbour hates us

zztopgirl

We are in a council house and are trying to get a house swap, but next door neighbour keeps launching verbal attacks at my disabled husband.

I caught her screaming blue murder at him late last summer, for no reason whatsoever (apparently he had 'stolen' a pair of her daughters socks and she wanted them back). We have been civil ever since but she started on him again a few weeks ago, called him a liar and that he is making up his disability amongst other very hurtful things to say to someone with a brain injury who cant defend himself.

Now if i want to hang out washing, we check she isn't outside and i run out as fast as i can. If one of us is stood in our kitchen, and she sees us, she starts saying horrible things as loudly as she can, i heard her the other day saying things about my children. I have been advised to record her when she is outside, but i have no idea where to start, do i get a dictaphone (and if so, where can i get one cheaply?). We are approaching the council tomorrow, but i know they will need hard evidence before they consider an inter-authority transfer. Its starting to put a lot of strain on us both, its a lovely sunny day today but we cant go out in the garden at all. Part of the reason for the transfer is to get away from her, but why should she drive me away from where i have lived all my life? Her husband is downtrodden, he stands next to her the whole time and doesnt say a word, its only after she has stomped back into her house that he will apoligise for her behaviour.

I have no idea why she does it btw, maybe she just enjoys picking on those less fortunate or who cant defend themselves. And thanks for reading, it feels like a weight lifted off me to type this down.

skylight

Is she in a council house or housing association too? Make a complaint.

I cannot think of anything else to suggest, but I hope it works out for you with the housing swap.

asea

Does she do this in front of anybody else? Does she do it to anybody else? From what you have said she is trying to make herself feel good by picking on those unable to defend themselves fully or those that are vulnerable.

Start to keep a diary of every single thing that happens. Check your phone it may have a digital sound recorder on there already. See if any of your neighbours might be able to corroborate your experiences.

Good luck, hopefully this will all be better soon x

Rachel85

I agree - try to make notes of what she says, when it happens so that you can pass these on when you make a complaint. Also I would say (and I know you haven't done this) don't make judgements about her or her family when you make the complaint - just be factual and assume nothing. If you remain level headed you are much more likely to be taken seriusly. Easier said than done I know.

Good luck.

CB1979_2

unless she gets physical, keep smiling whenever she shouts.

eventuallly she'll get bored and move onto the next person.

she only does it cos she gets a reaction whether be confrontation or seeing someone cower.

but as said a diary of anything that happens, CCTV can be bought relatively cheaply now (ie about £30) dictaphone/mobile phone with suitable memory card is cheap enough too.

personally i'd opt for CCTV (can get them that connect to pc or record straight to memory card) doesn't have to be obtrusive either or with them knowing you have it.

if all that fails start a campaign against her, report her to benefit fraud, etc etc

and if all that fails, i repeat again, make sure you get the first punch in!

cobbingstones

I wanted to offer you big hugs ((( ))) I have been thought the horrible next door neighbour bit, and its so soul destroying. Keep your head high m'love you are the better person here.

MM

MrsTinks

Until you manage to get something to record the abuse make sure you keep a diary of the abuse. Write down as much as you can recall of the incident and log the date and time. BE FACTUAL! Never enter into an argument with her and just as much as you can ignore her. Verbal abuse is still abuse and honestly if I was scared to go into my garden I'd call the police... Explain that she is being very verbally abusive and intimidating you. They might just go and have a word with her. At least this way it will have an official record of the fact you have a problem. If she stops then great - if she doesn't or gets worse then either call the police again or contact the council and explain you have already had to make a complaint to the police about this and it is affecting your mental health.

Best of luck

specialK

Sorry to hear about this, poor you.

Is it legal to record somebody without them knowing?

I would ask the council on the steps you can take..good luck.

BallandChain

It's important to get written evidence of times and dates of what the neighbour said. I'm sure the council can evict troublesome tenants and if you go armed with the evidence they will act.

Emmy_L

If you go to the council and put in an official complaint about her,then they will have her into their office for a formal interview.
during the interim,and for however long it takes for the issue to be resolved,you will be asked to keep weekly diaries of what has been going on.
Believe me,if the council are aware they do as much as they possibly can,even going as far as evicting them.
It's been my experience that if you give the council a chance they will fall over themselves to help you.
May it not be a good idea to have mediation through the council (this would look very good on your part!)

caris

Hi

Really sorry to hear of your situation. We have been the victims of terrible neighbous. When we moved to our home nearly 9 years ago, we were told by otthers up the street, dont get involved with so and so, they are nothing but trouble, but after 12 months and not really seeing anything of them we had trouble with our car and they offered me a lift into town if I wanted just to ask. Anyway we got really friendly and they seemed ok with us, we were really close friends, there daughter was also close to us (she lived at home with them) and when she became pregnant wanted me to be her birth partner, which I did. We had been very firm friends for about 2 years when a couple of weeks after the daughter gave birth to her son, things started to go down hill very quickly. Things got really bad, there was verbal abuse, namecalling, banging on the walls, loud tv and music at all hours, there 2 sons were firing an airgun at our property, at the time we had an aviary, this was shot at, we had pellets around our frontdoor frame and on the ground, we reported all of this to the police and to the HA, but got nowhere. We installed cctv and caught the youngest boy throwing a piece of slate through our daughters window screen, we showed this evidence to the police who were not interested, they just went round next door and gave then a verbal caution. We had oil put in our fish pond that had koi carp in, they tried running my husband of the road whe he was taking our daughter to work, but when all of this was reported we were told that we had no witnesses, the police could see that the pellets were fired from there bedroom window, they had squashed the hedge when they put the oil in the pond, but because there were so many in the house, they could not prove which one did the acts. Ofcourse this gave the neighbours the wrong idea, and everything carried on. We went to our mp and in the end we were both given a letter from the HA saying that if things didnt stop we would BOTH be evicted. This was a total nightmare and we thought there would never be an end to it all. The neighbours thought they couldnt be touched no matter what they did to us. Anyway we heard on the grape vine that they wouldnt stop until we moved, others that had been at our address had also had the same treatment from this family and so did an asian lady that lived across the road, they were all driven out by this family. We stood our ground, it was awful but we were not going to let them beat us. We NEVER stooped to there level and we dont think they liked this, I have had witnesses in the street when they have had a go at me, but they would never back me up with evidence, they didnt want the trouble on there doorsteps, eventually it calmed down, but even now I am terrified of being in the garden or in the street for fear of more abuse, I dont think the mental scares will ever go, but at the end of the day we CHOSE to live in our home, and are not going to be beaten down by no marks, they are a family who have always been on the dole, none of them work, they were claiming IB and all the other extra benefits that they could and were raking in over £400 a week, until he got shopped for fiddling. We work for our money and pay all our rent and ct, I think at the end of the day it all boilled down to jealousy.

I know its an awful situation to be in, but try really hard to keep your chin up and dont allow yourself toget on there level, you may be lucky and have a decent landlord that will help you, but you must keep a log of all incidents nomatter how small they might be.

Wishing you all the luck in the world to get it resolved
caris