toddler tantrums and playgroup :>(

Penry

rosielx wrote: »

I guess I should be thankfull that afterall she's been through in two years she still loves mummy lots - so far .

Hi, just wanted to respond to the above, hope it's not out of turn. You sound like you have had a really tough time and the above quote makes it sound like you think your daughter might blame you for it! She will always love her mummy lots! You clearly want to do the best for her. I hope you are getting ongoing support if you feel you need it.

With regard to playgroup. I'm have been trying to settle my just 2 year old, but I'm giving up now till after the summer. The older kids are just so boisterous that my little one is very nervous around them and then very clingy with me. Only by talking to the playgroup leader will you get a clearer picture of whether anything has happened within playgroup that has contributed to her behaviour. Good luck in reaching a solution that suits you and your family.

Nicki

OP - you sound like you're having a miserable time with this.

You've had some maybe good/maybe terrible advice depending on how you feel and what your child is like. PND is different for every woman (and from day to day) and children's levels of understanding at that age vary enormously.

In your shoes, I would decide whether it is important to you for her to start playgroup this term, or wait to September. If you can wait to September, as children's memories are short at this age, it could be a fresh start, and you could start working with her at the end of the summer to build up a picture of the playgroup as a new and exciting place to go.

If you want her to start now, I would be gentle with her and you. I would decide never to even attempt it on a day when you know from the time you get up, that you are feeling fragile. On days when you feel OK and can take her to Playgroup, I would timelimit it to start off with, and stay with her. You can buy large 15 min sandtimers (like egg timers) which are very visual for this age group. Tell her in the morning that you are going to playgroup together for 15 mins only, then on to do something else you know she really likes. Stick to the 15 mins (and stick it out even if she is upset, reminding her all the time of the treat which is coming, and not punishing her if she has a tantrum). After a time move on to 15 mins together, and 15 mins on her own (but make sure you do get back before her sand runs out!), and gradually work up to being able to leave her.

As for co-sleeping and what not, you must do what is right for you and your child. Preserving your mental health is paramount at the moment, and if House of Tiny Tearaways, Supernanny, etc have taught us anything, it is that poor sleeping habits created when children are young can be eradicated quickly when they get older with a bit of determination and grit. You will feel very different when the PND is conquered. I also suffered badly for more than 2 years but am a completely different parent now that I am fully recovered than when the children were little (and they have both turned out OK for the experience!)

Carmina_Piranha_3

hi

i had a hard time settling my 2 year old into playgroup, but i felt i had to persevere because it's a popular playgroup and if i had left it until the following term it would be full. i knew it was important that he went there before starting nursery, so we stuck at it.

he was too young, and just not ready. other parents did things differently but the way i did it was to go, and stay there with him. the playgroup leader said taking him away would be the worst idea, so if she had to call me halfway into a session i would stay with him until the session ended. that way he got the idea that it wasn't scary and he could have a go from the safety of mummy's knee. and this is going to be VERY unpopular - i let him keep his dummy for the whole first term even though nobody else had theirs.

the playgroup had dealt with clingy mums lime me before, and they had ways of easing him into it gently. to begin with i stayed all session, but gradually i spent more time in the kitchen doing the washing up etc. and he was fine without me. then i talked to him about me going into town on the bus to buy him a doughnut while he was at playgroup, and when all the mummies and daddies came to collect the children i would be there with the doughnut. it helped him to know what i was doing while he was away (and that it still centred around him lol!).

so anyway, that's what i did, very gently until he knew that he was okay without me, and he got used to all the procedures there.

Carmina_Piranha_3

was interrupted sorry!

anyway, after christmas i could leave him there for the whole session without his dummy, without me needing to skulk in the kitchen, without me going to buy him a doughnut - because he was eased in gently and found that actually he LOVES it there he skips in without a care in the world and tells me he likes going to play group.

2 years old is quite little for some children - mine was still a baby which was part my doing (i lost a baby when he was 9 months old and i cuddled and babied him constantly after that) and part his, it's just the way he is. he's one of the youngest in his year and he is a slow developer too. but he'll be okay now. he is going to proper nursery school in september because he will be 3 in the holidays and i'm sure he will fit in well and enjoy it. I'm confident that he'll manage, and i am confident that although it's not the way most mums would have chosen, my gradual way of getting him settled in playgroup has worked for him.

if i were you though i would leave it until september, because the play group won't be on during the looooong 7 weeks summer break so you might find that any hard work you do getting her to settle now might be undone after the holiday. you are lucky in that respect, she doesn't start proper nursery/school until she is almost a year older than my summer-boy so if you want a slower start to things then you have the time to be flexible about it. plus, the boisterous bigger children will not be there in septemeber because they will have moved on to nursery or school, and the staff to child ratio may be lower so she will get more attention.

if you try again this week etc. see what the playgroup think. the staff at mine all said that if i didn't want to leave him upset they would prefer for me to stay, rather than take him away.

some mums left their crying children straight away, and that's fine too because most of them do settle as soon as mum is out of eyesight and the staff are kind, they will read a book to a crying toddler or do an activity with them. During the sessions i stayed i saw that most children are fine if mum scarpers so if you want to do it that way don't feel guilty - she will be okay. but i sense that you are a bit clingy like me, and not keen on leaving her when she's upset.

onlyroz

My boy (just turned 3) has attended two nurseries. The first one allowed parents to stay for quite some time after "drop off", and I often had difficulties leaving him - because he would cry and be clingy. Although I was always told at the end of the day that he was fine within 20 mins of me leaving. The second nursery much prefers parents to just leave the child at the door and walk away. All in all I think this is the better policy - because within a week my boy had got used to this and now I can drop him off no probs, and he can get straight into his nursery routine.

Carmina_Piranha_3

yes, that worked for lots of mums at the playgroup my son goes to.

but mine was the youngest, only just turned 2 because he's a summer holidays baby and he didn't talk at all, he was using sign language which nobody at nursery understood. he didn't listen, wasn't following directions so when they were all told to sit on the mat for story time he didn't know he'd been told to sit on the mat, and was surprised to be interrupted at his painting and plonked on the mat. he was waiting for a hearing test (at which i was told he is just ignorant, and will learn to pay attention in time) and i was trying to get him to talk.

after a few weeks he started to settle, and as suggested the nursery staff were making eye contact to tell him things one to one. he's got the hang of listening now and is talking. he wasn't the only child who needed extra attention from the staff, there were a couple of other summer children who did too because sometimes 'just turned 2' is a bit young, while other 'just turned 2' children are more mature.

rosielx

:rolleyes: Survived playgroup. Got there early and settled her in before other children arrived. Left her there after an hour to go and do some errands. Arrived back early to see her dancing in a circle singing. We now have a house ful of paintings and a mummy who feels more like a drama queen then her own toddler . Maybe that's the point though she settled in better and mummy stayed clamer so she stayed calmer.....:T

Money_Maker_Shaker

That's so good to hear, really pleased to see it went well at playgroup. I'm having similar problems settling my lo into nursery so I'm going to use a few of your tips.

MMS

beckseven

Hooray! Really pleased for you. It's always a traumatic time leaving your most precious possession in child care. My little boy has been to a nursery (I work part time) since he was 6months old and has been absolutely fine there-they are split into groups from 6-12mth, 12-18ths, 18-2 and then 2-3 and 3-4. He always settled in well as the children were always at the same stage as him. When he was two i enrolled him in the village preschool for a morning a week as I know it is very good and was gutted to find that he seemed to hate it! We had crying etc and it really bothered me. I think it was the bigger kids that overwhelmed him. However, it took a while but he has really settled in now(he's nearly 2 and a half) and comes home talking about his exciting morning! You are not a drama queen at all-I pride myself with my no nonsense, take no sh** attitude at work (I am the only girl on my team) but after having DS and going back to work there I was on my third day back wailing at my desk, sobbing about leaving my baby and having to have the morning off so I could trawl round the local nurseries again only to decide I had sent him to the right one in the end! it's natural and its only because you want the best for you DD. Take care and enjoy the art gallery you now have!

Carmina_Piranha_3

that's great :T

you're not a drama queen it's only natural to worry about your precious child :A