HELP! In a pickle...

peachyprice

DiggingAHole wrote: »

Well... to be honest I'd rather advice on handling the debts rather than what to do with my girlfriend. I know I should tell her, but I know I won't.

But your girlfriend is part of your debt problem. Yes you could get a consolidation loan, go on a DMP, etc., but unless you attitude towards your girlfriend changes you're going to end up even deeper in debt. If you take advice here and sort yourself out how are you going to explain to her that you no longer have the money to spend on her, without telling her the truth?

MrsTinks

She'll notice once you stop spending so much money on her you know...
Unless she's stupid she probably already realises that you're spending more than you earn... but back to the debt: http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html
Fill this in and be honest! List everything and post it here so we can have a look for you
At 20 you're still able to dig yourself out of this hole within a couple of years if you tighten your belt. But it's going to spiral if you don't nip it in the bud NOW.
Getting more cards and loans is only going to make things worse from the sounds of things. You're not ready to change your spending habits as far as I can tell. Prove me wrong
Show me that you are responcible enough to take on board the advice you'll get here - people put a LOT of time into helping sort out debts, but you need to be willing to change. If you simply want to move your debts around so you can carry on spending then there is little we can do to help you.
You say you're proud... Aren't we all! But there is a difference between proud and blindingly irresponcible with your money. Get them under control now and there is no reason you can't have savings to put down as a deposit on a house in a few years. Bet your girlfriend would prefer this to whatever you're wasting your money on now...

Horace

DiggingaHole - could you please list your statement of affairs so we can see what is coming in and exactly what is going out so that people can offer some constructive advice on what to do and see where you can make some savings. List everything including newspapers, drinks in the pub etc.

If you can switch your credit card debts to a 0% balance transfer card (you may have to pay a small fee for this - Virgin is 2.98%), that way you won't have to pay any interest for 15 months and before the end of the time shift over to another card.

No need to ditch girlfriend, just let her know that you have a bit of debt - there's nothing worse than finding out that someone has massive debts better to mention it now - although that is your business.

HTH

Bismarck

Plan A

tell her this can't go on -> OK -> adjustment & happiness
OR
v
v

not OK

v
v
adjustment required


Plan B

not tell her -> you sort out mess despite swimming against the tide in concrete shoes and sink and then she finds out when the money runs out and you're broke

--> then not OK

--> then adjustment required

you're buying time, nothing else, by keeping this to yourself.

tealady

Hi digging a hole. There are loads of ways to spoil a woman without spending loads of money.
Cook her a dinner and have candles on the table (saves on the electric as well!).
Turn up at work with a card to say you love her.
Hold her hand when you are with your friends.
Tell her you need her.
See easy peasy.

Bismarck

tealady wrote: »

Tell her you need her.
See easy peasy.

If he carries on digging this hole he certainly will need her.......to Ebay all the stuff she's been bought.

tealady

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

poorandindenial

Hi Diggingahole

Do you think you might not be ready to face up to this yourself, by keeping it from those around you it allows you to carry on being someone different (ie someone with no debt)?? I don't want that to sound harsh but you definitely want the world to see a different picture of you than is actually going on.

If you can't tell your girlfriend, you could try to tell your mum, she lent you money so she clearly trusts and cares about you, tell her what is going on and see what she has to say.

Your girlfriend got used to being spoiled, now she will get used to not being spoiled, there isn't much difference really, she still gets you, just less gifts and maybe you eat out les etc. She'll still love you. Do you really want to dump her rather than tell her???? Seems a bit harsh to me.

As others have said, please don't go down the consolidation loan route - I did that first off for £12000 about 6 years ago, look at my siggy to see where that got me and (this isn't bragging) I earn several times your salary - as you earn more you spend more and alays find a need to use that 'available' credit that is sitting tehre on cards when you have consolidated.

Do post up your SOA, if we can see where your money goes we may be able to help you find other ways out of this (eg I saved £150 a month by not spending on lunches and breakfast at work/around work and taking my own in instead)

All the best for you, I really hope you find the courage to deal with this and start yor finances heading in the right direction, there are no easy solutions when it comes to debt or else none of us would have debt so get ready for a long hard slog - but a very rewarding and liberating one.

Horace

Just giving this a nudge up so that other people can offer advice to DiggingaHole (although after the responses already received, I don't suppose he will be back).

DiggingAHole_2

Im still here!!

Still looking for advice, much thanks to that already received I'll do my SOA tonight!