Relationship probs.

kennyparkroad

no i mean i dont think people would want me as a BF/ long term parnter, but for a one nighter is ok.

sorry for the confusion.

kennyparkroad

and for the record ive never had a one nighter and dont think i will.

they just dont interest me (i told you i was strange)

Shineyhappy

Have you and your bf thought about relationship councilling?

I hope you manage to work things out as you sound like a lovely guy. Some people just can't manage to stay faithful and if he is one of those then you need to get shot asap. Having someone cheat on you does damage your ego and makes you feel insecure so you need to keep that in mind too.

red_fraggle_2

The hardest thing I've ever done in my life (and the most painful) was leaving my partner of 3+ years when I discovered that he'd been sleeping around. I had found out about his cheating once about 18 months previous, shortly after we moved in together, and decided to give him a second chance, but made it more than clear that if he ever did anything like that again I would find out one way or another and I would leave him without question.

Sure enough, I did find out (ok, so it took another 18 months, but I found out all the same) and I left, as I said I would. It nearly broke me and if it hadn't been for the support of my friends I wouldn't have got through it, but I did and while I still remember how painful and difficult it was at the time I now see it as one of the best decisions I ever made. He showed me a lack of respect by cheating in the first place, and then even more so by thinking he could get away with it again. I don't have the highest self-esteem in the world (although it's a darned slight higher since I left him!) but I know I deserve someone who will be honest with me - if a couple make a joint agreement to have an open relationship that's entirely their business, but if one person makes that decision on their own that's not acceptable.

KPR, I'm not going to tell you whether to stay with him, that's something for you to decide for yourself, but I will tell you this; don't threaten to leave him unless you're prepared to actually do it (and make sure you've convinced yourself of this, not just him). Once you've betrayed someone and broken their trust you should have to earn it back, not get it given back on a plate. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself happiness. If being with him makes you happy then be with him, but if it doesn't then cut yourself loose and find your happiness. It's hard, and it takes a really long time if you still love the person you're leaving, but it makes you such a stronger and happier person. Once you know you have the strength to go it alone your whole perspective on relationships changes.

18 months on from leaving my partner, I'm now with a fantastic guy who I've been seeing for about 6 months (having been completely single in the interim period and survived - it really isn't the be all and end all). We're not in love with each other and we both realise it probably won't last, but we're 100% honest with each other and we're happy. Right now, that's much more important to me than being in love.

xxx

Mips

I would go and get yourself tested for any diseases, from the amount of men your partner has slept with... I would be inclined to worry about my penis going Green or something... if I were you!

Paparika

Aww bless you, your bf sounds like a friend of mine, he was a sod when it came to being in a relationship with his bf, he was a lazy slob who used his bf who in the end asked him to leave and even paid his train fair to send him back to his parents. (he really did push his bf to the limits).

How about you having some fun now. Your young and you have a lifetime to live.

don't put up with his shenanigans any more show him the door,

play safe but go enjoy yourself :T

clobber_2

I think this very complex relationship may have run its course, love. You are young, very young, and there is a lot of fun to be had before you settle down.

There's a lot of reasons for this relationship to be special to you as it's your first and it's tied up with coming out and being away from home and stuff like that, but first love rarely lasts forever and you need to spread your wings and fly now.

Talking to Relate may be very helpful for you to help address issues around self esteem and being happy single, but don't expect your BF to come with you and don't expect it to save your relationship.


Don't assume that you're unloveable just because people want one-night stands rather than the full monty - that just means you're too young and cute to settle down yet!

RedBern

Sorry to read about the bad time you're having. Your friend (won't use partner because he's not treating you like a partner) is messing with you and as has been said, treating you with no respect. Agree with previous post - you should get checked out immediately at STI clinic and start looking after yourself.

However, you seem to think the ONLY place you can meet other potential boyfriends is in a gay pub (which is 50 miles away). Do gay men ONLY drink in gay pubs? I think not. Try not to go looking for another relationship just yet - try to feel comfortable with who you are and someone you deserve (and who deserves you) will turn up. Good luck

kennyparkroad

i have had myself checked and i told him i did and i came back clear - he then went and had himself checked and he came back clear too - luckily.

i want to thank everyone for their comments.

i have recently lost half a stone and am still working at it, im doing this for ME and not for anyone else, i want to take pride in myself and i know its going to take a while to do, too long have i had no exercise, but im now 6'2 and 14 stone with a beer belly lol

things are ok with my BF just now, he seems very focused on doing anything he can to make me happy and to make this last and in turn im trying as well, as things were not all his fault i suppose i was his enabler to an extent, by telling him he could come back time after time making it acceptable for him to do so if i kept letting him back, if that makes sense.

i have made it very clear to him that if he ever does anything, then he is gone and i will be more happy single than being in a relationship thats a lie.

i did go to counselling myself (relate in the area i live) and they were helpful, but my own paranoia and self doubt took over in the end.

do i trust him - not yet, that will take a lot to build back up.


do i have faith in him - i have some faith in him.

we have had a couple of nights out and we had 1 semi arguement, but nothing major, we have a wedding to go too in a couple of weeks and then a week away down south meeting friends.

these will be the testing times, if i see a different person (without making it obvious i am looking) i know we are onto something, if i dont or we fall out etc

then its time to move on.


i know what i have to do if things go sour, but i know what i have to do if they dont. just do what i always did, love him, stay faithful and go from there.

thank you everyone for comments,

kennyparkroad

ps - if i did break up with him, i wouldnt jump into bed with someone or be on the lookout for potential boyfriends, i would take time out on my own and go out with st8 mates etc.