Should she return the engagment ring?

floss2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

....... Average wedding costs = 17k
Average engagement ring spend = £1200 (according to this)

Ah, well, me & my DF, we're obviously not average! My engagement ring was £2,500 (chosen & bought by DF - I'd picked a cheaper one ). The wedding budget will be double that, tops.

Marker_2

Money grabbing ratbag - she should give it back, he gave that ring in faith they would get married, they are not, so she should give it back. By the sound sof it he saved himself a fortune, could you imagine what he'd be left with if they go divorced??

So what if he broke it off, its not just any old gift, its an 8k engagement ring.

I feel so sorry for blokes if there are women like that they have to choose from!

cowbutt

pariskate wrote: »

IN the olden days keeping ring was considered the compensation for breach of promise if the man called off the engagement and I think sometimes money an/or property also changed hands depending on the relative wealth of the individuals concerned.

Personally I would keep the ring but then I can be very vindictive when scorned!

Also, of course, a woman whose fianc!e jilted her would find her honour impugned (especially if she was pregnant, had had children out of wedlock, or was even merely no longer a virgin) and might well find it more difficult to find someone else as a suitor as a result. Viewed in that light, the ring was something of an 'insurance policy' for her in case things didn't work out.

With the positive societal changes of second and subsequent marriages being acceptable as well as significantly better career/financial opportunities for women, I don't really see that there's a good reason for the tradition to be maintained.

As far as this individual case goes, the law is probably in favour of her keeping it. Etiquette is more complicated, and probably comes down to her to offer, him to refuse to accept, and for her to make a further offer as a compromise, which he then accepts. Of course, it's all down to the individual; maybe having £8K in the bank will make her feel happier than knowing she has the moral high ground!

northern_star

going back to the original point, it has always been my understanding that whoever breaks off the engagement forfeits the ring. So, if its the recipient who ends the relationship they gives the ring back, if its the giver who calls it off the recipient gets to keep it. Of course its only a rule of thumb and it seems the legal position is that the ring was given as a gift and doesn't have to be given back. Either way, in this case the lady gets to keep the ring.

[Deleted User]

floss2 wrote: »

Ah, well, me & my DF, we're obviously not average! My engagement ring was £2,500 (chosen & bought by DF - I'd picked a cheaper one ). The wedding budget will be double that, tops.

Average IQ is 100 (by definition). Average salary is 22k. Average car is a Ford Fiesta.

My OH's ring cost 4x the average, the wedding will be about 1.5x the average..

Being average isn't anything special. It's pretty mediocre really.

Little_Pickle

Wow! that's a toughie!

I can see why people think she should keep it... but morally I think she should hand it back.

I handed mine bck to my ex when we seperated but after a month he gave it back saying 'i bought it for you'. I put it away somewhere and I don't even know where it is now.

Basically, if it had been 8k and I sold it to buy myself something nice or go on holiday, every time I used that nice thing I would think 'not mine' and every time I looked at the holiday snaps I would think 'not my holiday'...

plus, an engagement ring was given out of love. it was most probably a very special moment for the 2 of them.

To fight over the ring is taking away the love in which it was given....







....although he did beak it off with her...






you see?? toughie!

Marker_2

C'mon, a women could make a fortune doing stuff like this - her job title could be 'Engage my Bank account' her role will be to seduce many men and make them ask her to marry them, buy her a ring, get the ring, let her true colours flow so the bloke will dump her then cash the ring.

People dont get engaged to get married these days, I know loads of people have been engaged to different blokes 3 or 4 times. They could earn a fortune if they kept all those rings!

Well out of order ............ but a good business

whitewing

How about he gives her £4K to buy the ring back?

Or she gives him £4K to keep it? After all, an engagement is a joint arrangement.

I can't help feeling it's a point of principle here. If someone had broken my heart by breaking off an engagement, it is rubbing salt into the wound to want the ring back (regardless of how much the ring is worth).

melancholly

i thought it was the 'done thing' for women to keep the ring. but wedding ettiquette has changed a lot e.g. it's very unusual these days for the bride's parents to pay for everything.

even so, if i was dumped like that, i'd have already sold the ring and be off on holiday with some female friends having fun!!

pollyanna24

Ooh er, this is a toughie one. I do think £8K is an obscene amount to spend on a ring, but horses for courses and all that.

I don't think my bf would ask for my engagement ring back, but then it has been on my finger for the last 8 years and is a bit battered now. Plus it only cost £375, so probably not worth anything. But worth a lot to me. He was 19 and that was all he could afford, so it's priceless in my eyes.

On the other hand, the one I bought him was worth £400, so I guess if we split, we would just keep our respective rings.

I never understood why only the woman got a ring. I know in the olden days there was probably reason, but these days... I didn't like the thought that everyone knew I was "taken," but not him.

Although the main reason my other half has one is cos my dad has one and I thought that was normal. Guess not though, eh?