Statement of intent

MoneyQueen

Hi Stuart,

Thinking about you. It can be difficult being in this situation but I am sure everything will be well soon. Is you daughter okay about this?

Sending you hugs

MQ

lifebegins

I think your new signature "You can plan but can't always tell what life will throw at you" may be more appropriate for your wife and daughter.

I have always enjoyed reading of your progress and you have been a real inspiration: what a shame to end like this but at least your family will be financially (if not emotionally) secure.

I wish you all luck.

StuartGMC

MoneyQueen wrote: »

Hi Stuart,

Thinking about you. It can be difficult being in this situation but I am sure everything will be well soon. Is you daughter okay about this?

Sending you hugs

MQ

MQ, so far our daughter has been ok, she's always been mature for her age, but I am conscious that once I move out it may be harder for her. This has been the hardest decision I've ever made in my life and not one made overnight nor a simple one either...
Thanks

TallGirl

Sending you hugs too, most have been difficult but we only get one life and that is our one chance to be happy. It will be difficult at times and more complicated as there are two sets of children invovled.

My parrent divorced after 25 years and all I can say it give the children time to get used to things. Don't try to force them to be one big happy family too soon. Also make sure you still spend time with your two just the 3 of you that is what I missed most with my dad eventhough I was 20 when they split up.

gallygirl

Stuart, my thoughts are with all of you. I do hope things stay relatively civil, although I'm sure you will all have your moments (been there, thrown the mug ).

I stayed in a relationship where I was very unhappy 'for the sake of the children' but eventually I came to realise that actually it was better to have the upheaval and hopefully move to a situation with 2 happy parents & 2 happy children than stay in a situation where I was deeply unhappy and that was impacting on everyone.

I'm glad you are not moving in with your new partner straight away - it will do you good to have time to reflect on the past and the future, and also acclimatise all for the further changes to come. (plus you'll have more time to come on here, she adds selfishly :cool:)

Best wishes and I look forward to reading about your new plans .

A dodgy hug to all concerned :grouphug:.

evab_2

Stuart, you've made a brave decision but I agree you should never stay together just for the children. My parents should have seperated years before they actually did, it would have saved us kids from a few more years of bad times but in a funny way it worked out as she met my step-dad a few years later and he is fantastic. I don't see my natural dad now but that's my choice.

I'm glad you're taking some time before moving in with your new partner, I hope it gives some time for your daughter to adjust and you too.

Anyway sending you best wishes and the strength when things get bumpy, I always say things happen for a reason whether good or bad but it makes us better people to understand that life is not plain sailing.

Good luck Ev x

StuartGMC

Thanks for all your kind words, it is great to read them and to hear of your experiences too. I will be continuing the MSE way, we'll go via family mediation to discuss the asset splits, pension etc and it is down to my wife regarding the matrimonial home - she currently feels inclined to sell earlier rather than wait until DD has left full-time education. There's no outstanding mortgage due to the offset, and OH has her own ISA investments, plus cash and we don't have any debts. So financially I hope we're in as good a state as one could be (although a lot more cash in-hand would have been nice!). Moving out into a shared place is going to be very strange but it will only be a short-term thing.

I've now got three days with DD, she has some school project work to progress which I'll help with, then we're off to the cinema this afternoon for Avatar (not seen it yet), tomorrow's weather not lookng great so may be a day of F1 and Winter Olympics on the Wii and just some fun together. Wednesday we'll go walking and have a pub lunch.

TTFN

Lunar_Eclipse

Oh dear, so sorry to hear the latest news.

Whilst I appreciate that this has not been an easy decision for you to make, you have obviously been fortunate to have been in the driving seat in terms of making this choice and to your desired timeframe. Thus my first thoughts are hoping your wife is okay.

Without being too personal, I would be devastated if my husband left me for someone else. So whilst I'm sure you know this already, she is quite likely to be running various different emotions (shock, denial, anger, upset etc) that will be very hard for her, and also then you, to deal with. Please be as kind, but honest as possible.:)

I'm sure you'll do the right thing by them both financially too.

Sounds like you've got a lovely few days with your daughter planned.

ETA: I hope I got the 'balance' of my thoughts right in this post. It makes me so sad to hear stories like this, where ideally the marriage should end before a third party is involved. I hope you all find happiness Stuart. Good luck over the coming difficult weeks.

Tesco_points_addict

Hi Stuart

I agree with what others have said, it is never right to stay with someone for the sake of the children.

However, my concern for you would be, that the 'grass is not always greener'. I think, especially for men (I'm not sure why??) they need to meet someone else before having the strength to move on. Sometimes you need to know that someone else will/can/would love you.

Don't rush to move in with your new partner, give yourselves both time to adjust, give the children time to come to terms with things as well as your respective ex's.

Life is a strange one, but it is important to be happy, I am sure this was not a decision you made lightly and in a way it is a brave one, it would have been easy to carry on as you were, living with your wife but continuing to become closer to your now new partner. I wish you luck and happiness and the same for your wife and daughter. You all seem very mature (old!! joke!) but don't forget despite all good intentions, anger and hurt will come to fore (sp?) and at times things will not be plane sailing. I would have thought you have feelings of guilt and with that comes lots of promises that you might not be able to keep long term, just be aware of that, as it could make the future difficult.

Good luck Stuart, this is going to be a bumpy but brave ride.

TPAx

EDIT: On a lighter note, remember the F1 game I ordered for hubby for Christmas, well I have just received a dispatch email!!!!

Thriftyknickers

Good luck to you and your family Stuart. Sadly, there seems to be a lot of it around. A couple of my friends, seemingly happily married for 20 and 15 years respectively (one male, one female - with triplets!!)) are currently trying to pick up the pieces after discovering their spouses had found someone else. I'm coming up to 6 years in my 2nd marriage (discovered my 1st husband was gay! :eek: ) and its times like these when it makes you wonder whether anyone out there actually manages to stay married and happy. I do hope so! Think I'll give my DH an extra cuddle tonight!