Inviting friends children to wedding ceremony/reception

MissSunshine

We got married 5 years ago and had 4 children at the wedding & reception aged 7, 3, 2 & 4 months and they were no bother at anytime Eldest was best friends dd, 3 yo and 4 month old were the best man's ds and dd and 2 yo my cousin's ds. Only other friend with kids had 5 and she was v chuffed to leave them at home with grandparents.

Went to diff cousins wedding last year and my 2 sons were invited, but then we had travelled 3000 miles to attend and only peeps my 2 would've been comfortable being left with are my parents who were invited too. As it was they took the boys home about 9pm and we stayed til the end :beer:

We've been invited to ds1's godfather's wedding end Oct and it's no children cos they didn't want to choose who could or couldn't have their children with them, also the reception is at v pricey place.
I'm not offended in the slightest, we'll have a child free day and my parents will get to spend quality time with their grandsons cos we're only in UK for 3 weeks :j

At the end of the day OP it comes down to budget, venue headcount limit and your personal choice. I invited 2 of my mum's brothers only to the night do cos we were limited to 70 for the day reception and the one wife had a 25year old feud with the other brother, one couple would come if the other didn't and i wasn't having that on my wedding day, needless to say they were 'put out' and didn't come. Nan didn't say anything at the time, but when cousin mentioned above got wed last year he did the same as me which is when Nan tried to say blood is thicker then water, but if that's the case the brothers would've sorted it out a long time ago!!!!! :rolleyes:

There's nothing like a wedding to put peeps noses out of joint, you're never going to please everyone whatever you do, but it's your day and don't forget that

chardonnay_2

my view is you only get married once (hopefully) and therefore it is your day and you should do it your way regardless of other people. we are hoping to marry in the next couple of years, but i know my OH mum would be inviting all and sundry if we let her.

so if you want only adults then specify it - as others have said some will be miffed, but many couples will be glad of the break and others will leave the other half babysitting and have a well earned break! lol

if you only want to invite your close friends and family, and not your parents friends and distant relatives then do it. tough luck if they are upset - when do you ever see them?

at the end of the day, most couples pay for their own weddings now. have the wedding of your dreams and don't pay for people you don't know or care about to have a day out.

NAR

I was one of the first to post against having kids, and I stick by it. I have approx 170 coming for our reception, so I am not doing it out of meanness.

However it is down to OP to choose to do as they see fit, one thing for sure no matter what you choose you will always be wrong in someone's eyes.

Lady_E

I think it is a matter of preference .Lord E and I went to an Indian wedding(shortened version) earlier this year without the boys and it was wonderful. A logistical nightmare re; babysitting and collecting but I know for certain that they would have had difficulty in behaving(aged 2 and 5). We have been to a Scotish wedding where there was a lull after the bagpiper and DS1 asks "wheres the ladyman??" People laughed and there was no offence caused or taken. Whatever you decide have a lovely day , it really is the most wonderful day of your life and remember please yourself and your OH .

gravitytolls

Personally I think weddings and christenings are family events filled with joy, to be shared with young and old alike. Little ones can be noisy, but it in now ay dtracts from the occasion, particularly as with weddings, the expectation is that offspring will be joining the happy couple at some point (if not already).

A close friend got married, and wouldn't allow me to even take the newborn breast fed baby. I'm afraid I was unable to attend.

A nephew married and invited only myself, husb and baby. I sent husb and 2 eldest, as I could hardly tell a 15 and 16 yr old that children weren't invited. I stayed with teh younger children.

It's not that I was being difficult, or trying to make some sort of point, but I felt that it would be wrong of me to leave my wonderful children behind, so I could go to a place that they weren't welcome; especially as he is their coussin.

I think it's acrying shame that so amny people are so caught up with the 'perfect day' that they're afraid a crying baby or fidgeting toddler might spoil the ceremony. Or perhaps cost is an issue.

Incidentally, we also take the children to funerals, barring crying infants.

emma_b_4

we are booking our wedding in the next few weeks, i already have a basic list of people to invite for an idea of numbers for both day and evening. we are only having 50 to the day do as its just too expensive to have anymore!! wer inviting close family (ie parents, siblings, auntie and uncles ) and close friends. the night do will be much busier, with open invite really!! (well not quit but maybe 200ish) we have decided NOT to invite children as this would increase our list...if we invited cousins that would be an extra 32 people, as most also have partners. if we invited friends children that would be an extra 8, which wouldnt be so bad but we have to draw the line somewhere. my brother is due to become a daddy next May, we will probably invite ther baby as he/she will be my neice/nephew.
some people will be miffed, i know, but some people will also be miffed cousins cant come, the way i have come to see it its our day, no1 elses, we are paying for it ourselves, so we will decide. every1 that i have asked have said if they dont have the choice of bringing the kids, its as simple as that. they can enjoy the day. we will invite kids to the night do as numbers arent as set in stone for that.
yes weddings are family occasions but theyr also VERY expensive. even if children get reduced rates for meals, your still paying for them, then theres favours, entertainers etc and we just cant afford.
for me and my friends it isnt unusual for the children not to be invited, ive found its more the 'older' generation (no not OLD, i mean oldER then me, im 22) if i had children yes we might invite them so ours had some1 to play with.
it really is your choice, and if people are that miffed they dont have to come do they, but who do you want to please? them or you, the bride and groom?

one problem i can forsee is our wedding is on a friday so some people will say they cant get a sitter but hey they get 6mths notice........

gravitytolls

Tis true, it's your day, and it shoudl be as you want it. That's exactly what I said to our nephew. He wasn't bothered that I wasn't there, and I wa quite happy to be at home with the little ones.

His wedding was also on a Friday, and though we had months of advance notice, there ae very few people we would ever leave our children with, and they all work. It's not really on to expect anyone to take tim eoff work to babysit so you can go to a wedding.

Perhaps the real difference now, is the type of wedding people have. Last generation, more people married in Church, children always welcome in churches. Now more people hire hotels and marquees and have very ceretain ideas about the type of service, and often the idea of a baby crying or children fidgeting doesn't feature in the plans.

People alsi used to hold receptions at home, or in community halls, with the catering probably having been done by the family, so cost per head was less of an issue.

And I expect I only feel strongly about this because I am a practising Catholic and firmly believe int he celebration of marriage being a spiritual an dshared experience. And of course, because I have off spring and don't want my wonderful children to be missing th eoppurtunity to see a beautiful bride anbd handsome groom.

Anyhoo, good luck with your marriage. I hope the day really is as wonderufl as you want it to be, and I wish you both every success for the future, I hope you'll be very hapy together for the rest of your lives.

emma_b_4

i think weddings have also changed in that young couples now might not see ther family as much as friends, and instead of cousins coming and extended family, they stick to immediate family so more friends can come. reading every1s opinions have made me reconsider slightly, and im going toask what the rate for children is, if its the same as adults then we just cant afford!!!

across

it is personal preference but i invited children and it was a lovely day in fact without them i think it would have been rather dull and i think weddings are family occasions, a friend of mine invited me and my husband to her wedding and i had a one year old and was pregnant with my second at the time,the one year old was not invited and so we didnt go and i havent been in touch since. i invited her and her boyfriend to my wedding and id never seen her boyfriend in my life but i paid for them both a meal £30 a head plus a drink package £10 and buffet at night £10 (total£50 each = £100 couple)and my one year old wouldnt have cost a penny as she would have had a dish with a few of my veg on it because she was too young to have a meal anyway. we were not even allowed to watch the wedding ceremony because it was in a hotel so she said there would only be enough seats for guests paid for i felt very disappointed and thought it was quite selfish. i think when she has children and gets an invite like that then she will realise how miserable it looks and the circumstances were not easy because the wedding was 90 mile away and my one year wouldnt stay with anyone else for a whole day as i am a stay at home mum so she was only used to me.
save on the favours i made my own any craft shop sells the nets,ribbon,flowers and then get bag of almonds easy to make for ladies to keep. children you can buy little boxes like clowns and fill with sweets cheap and easy. men wont mind they are not like women for keepsakes!! i left the men out they dont want a few almonds!!!! flowers save by using what you have in church to double up back at reception on tables, easy the best man and ushers can take charge of that and get them there i even took the arrangements on stands back to the venue they were lovely! i had ribbons on pew ends they were nice! take it from me photos it just goes in your cupboard so dont need to go over the top i had average pack with enough money left to have nice picture on wall to look at everyday!!thought the one on the wall was more important!!

bylromarha

Gravitytolls. I'm confused! You've said this.

gravitytolls wrote:

Tis true, it's your day, and it shoudl be as you want it. That's exactly what I said to our nephew. He wasn't bothered that I wasn't there, and I wa quite happy to be at home with the little ones..

And this

gravitytolls wrote:

A nephew married and invited only myself, husb and baby. I sent husb and 2 eldest, as I could hardly tell a 15 and 16 yr old that children weren't invited. I stayed with teh younger children.

It's not that I was being difficult, or trying to make some sort of point, but I felt that it would be wrong of me to leave my wonderful children behind, so I could go to a place that they weren't welcome; especially as he is their coussin...

I've read this to mean that you sent your 2 uninvited teenagers to your nephews wedding but that you think a persons wedding day should be as they want it. Is this what you meant?