Inviting friends children to wedding ceremony/reception

StartingAgainKayla70

tiff wrote:

But, dont you think people are less tolerant of kids being kids these days?

Too right !! They have forgotten that they too were once little rascals, they are not kids for long, as long as they are not unruly and have manners, leave them be and let them enjoy themselves.

I read once, if ever a child smiles at you, ALWAYS smile back, as when that child goes home, she/he may never get any smiles.

N9eav

My cousin was married recently and had a No kids rule. I was a bit cheesed about it but went anyway. Sort of spoilt it not having any around.

Claude_2

payless wrote:

Not saying he could not behave himself, and yes for many things - eating out / flights he's an adult anyway , just he would find it boring ( his words)- agree with the mixing point... but you know what kids are like ( he would not have known any similiar aged people at the wedding in question, most of my friends had kids later in life than me)

Perhaps the difference is your's is a she and mine a he !

Payless, I'm sorry I didn't mean to say he would not be able to behave himself. I was rather looking at it from the point of view that it's not an excuse not to invite a 14 yo.

You're right perhaps the difference is that mine is a she... and a rather sociable one at that... :rotfl:

cc74

My sister had a no children rule except my son and our neice. My OH was on strict instructions to take our son out whenever he created. OH was good and did as told. It was really nice to talk to other adults without children distracting your attention. Quite often family only get together at weddings and funerals, so chasing darling son around doesn't give anyone time to catch up.

Since my sister's wedding, I've had another baby. With a 3 & 2 year old. I now opt not to take them to weddings, wether invited or not. OH is happy to babysit!

VickyA_2

It's quite a tricky subject, however, I was never invited to any weddings when I was a child, so to me there's no problem. We have been to a couple of weddings recently where the children have ruined the service and/or the speeches, which was a real shame and made the whole thing less enjoyable.

At our wedding next year, we will be having two children max there - our god son (OH's nephew) and the best man's baby daughter as they will be flying over from South Africa. They are under strict instructions to take the children out of the ceremony if they start playing up and both seem fine about it. The reason why we're not having any more children there? We don't know any more!

Our invitations will be worded to eg "Mr & Mrs J Smith" only - which implies that only Mr and Mrs Smith are invited. Should anyone wish to ask about inviting their dear little cousin's dog's next door neighbour, then they'll have to go through the wrath of my mum.

super41

bylromarha wrote:

super41, not pulling this example to label you as harsh, just to inform OP if she isn't a mum yet. But super41, I do think you should contact your friend. I wouldn't have come to your wedding in that situation, but that certainly doesn't mean I wasn't a friend. It just meant that in the same way you had to be selfish about your wedding day and that was your priority, she had to be selfish about her baby and that was her priority. Neither of you were going to shift, so why should she be labelled the bad friend?

Go on, give her a ring.

Gosh did I sound harsh? I wasn't labelling the friend as 'bad' just perhaps not my real friend after all, as others were ok about my decision and understood. Clearly she thought I wasn't a friend either as she wouldn't have broken off contact. I wasn't a Mum at the time and I think you do feel differently after having a child. However I hope I would respect someone's decision not to invite my child and if I wasn't happy just politely refuse from all of us. This is such as difficult area as this thread has shown, and my real point was that we must all try to do what we feel is right at the time. Weddings are hard enough at the best of times - I felt I was trying to keep everyone happy but really I should have been thinking about myself and my partner. I'm not a selfish person but looking back I feel this is one day where I really should have been able to do what I liked!!

Unfortunately too many years have now passed to pick up the phone.

auntywalker2

Well for my say, I think a wedding is a family occasion and would not be the same without children. Wedding vows take but a few minutes, surely parents can placate their kids during this time.

I would take my two aged 3 and 4 and take a small quiet toy for distraction should they get bored. Vicars/Registrars should be prepared for children, our local church has a bookcase and small toys, I have noticed at a recent Christening, although the vicar did have to ask a teenager to remove his walkman!!

The actual ceremony is only a small part of the day, I provided party bags and included a small toy / pack of cards at our wedding reception, and I had about 8 kids and 20 adults. It wouldn't have been the same without them, and we had a lovely photo of me and DH with all the kids. I was even disappointed that one friend couldn't bring her dd as she was away with Grandma at the caravan!

I had been a step-mum for 8yrs at the time, so perhaps I was more child-friendly than some people.

Penny-Pincher!!

Hi

We've been to quite a few weddings over the years and must admit that only about 2 of them had a no child policy. These weddings were more like an adult party-not a wedding.
I personally couldnt invite parents and not their children to a wedding. A marriage is about starting a life together as a family whether with kids or not. If we were invited to a wedding now and it stated no children-I would not go-invite as a family.
Kids dont cost alot to feed and keep busy at a reception.
It is a personal thing and you have to do what you feel is best. Organising a wedding can be the hardest thing ever and no matter who you try and cater for-you will always upset someone..lol

Good Luck
PP
xx

funky-footprints

super41 i dont think you are bad. We were invited to a wedding a few years back where the bride requested no children, as her sister (my bestest mate) chief bridesmaid was recovering from a hysterectomoy at 27, and obviously couldnt have children, it was ofcourse uncomfortable and such sad circumstances but I imagined all the guests who knew the family would respect this wish.

Unfortunately one of our school friends was adamant that weddings are a family thing, and if thier daughter couldnt come (2 year old) then neither were they, this left the bride in an extremely difficult position as they were old family friends, and it would of meant that her parents best friends would of them been put in an awful position too, so the bride had no choice but to say to the girl, well do come put please be tactful during the day. Guess who got stuck on the table, with the pain in the neck kid !!! we thought we were on a kid free day, and instead had to entertain a toddler, we had left our young son at home !! I was realy cheesed off I was stuck on that table, as we had done what the bride requested.
it is the bride & grooms choice at the end of day !

ashmit

At our wedding last year there were only two kids both aged about 9, we never really had to worry about it as we just don't really have any friend or family who have children. One friend with a kid (who we've actually stopped speaking to for unrelated reasons) and one of my cousins were the two that were there. The youngest apart from that was my sister who was 17 at the time and there was no way on God's great earth she wasn't coming!!

Strange the way life works out... we keep putting off kids til we get out of debt but I do wonder if we'd think differently if we knew anyone with kids. In our groups of friends we're the only ones who are married - three are engaged but none are getting married til next year at the earliest. Getting married wasn't too bad as I don't think I really thought about that til after we'd got married, but you can't really escape the fact that noone you know has kids!