Inviting friends children to wedding ceremony/reception

Sofa_Sogood

Jay-Jay wrote:

A baby was shouting the whole way through my wedding vows, fortunately it was my baby If it had been someone elses I'd have flipped!!!

It's a tricky one but it depends whether you feel it's acceptable to insist that if they make any noise during the service, the parents will immediately remove them from the venue.....or whether your willing to put up with it.

LOL re it being your baby

But seriously, what if people have paid a professional to video it? Doesn't bare thinking about how happy the bride & groom would be .... :eek:

tiff

But, dont you think people are less tolerant of kids being kids these days?

super41

This is a decision only you can make. Don't be influenced by others as what they feel is 'right' or 'proper' may not be right for you! Remember it's your big day and it's one occasion when you really should be able to do what you like. Forget hurting other people's feelings etc - what about yours? As you can guess friends' children did not come to my wedding! (nieces/nephews are obviously a different matter). Most were cool about this and said it was great to enjoy a day out by themselves. My reasons were that we had space and number constraints and that children get bored and then disruptive. Years ago at a friends wedding a child spent the whole of the ceremony doing somersaults on the altar rails! People remember that, not the wedding and so do the bride & groom! Do you want to be upstaged by a 3 year old?? I probably sound harsh. One friend never bothered with me after I said her 6 month old couldn't come, which made me realise she wasn't my true friend as she didn't respect my choice for my special day. Whatever decision you make, I hope you have a lovely day!

Sofa_Sogood

tiff wrote:

But, dont you think people are less tolerant of kids being kids these days?

They are imo tiff. Maybe it's because the extended family's not as extended as it once was? Yet some people, as have posted above, love the idea.

I'd take into acount the cost per head, whether the parents had the sense to take them out of the way if they really play up, and then there's who might be offended etc etc etc. I had a few falling outs with my own daughter about her wedding and invites etc. Sometimes it's just a lose lose situation.

Have to admire the OP for having the forethought though

Poppy9

My brother didn't invite any of his nieces and nephews to his wedding even though he saw them regularly. I have to say my sisters and I were offended. If it had been a cousin or friends wedding we wouldn't have minded but our brother! We told him how we felt but he just said his wife said no. We didn't boycott the wedding and we are all still friends - but we still can't quite forgive the insult.

Personally I think it's rude not to invite immediate family children to weddings. If they are young (age 0-6) many would take the sensible decision to make it a shorten visit in the day and leave them at home at night. There is a middle age when they would like to come at night (age 9-12). After that as others have said they will have their own opinion on whether they want to go.

I have to admit I wouldn't like a horde of 20 odd kids at my wedding unless they were immediate family or very, very close friends.

Poppy9

Are we more intolerant of kids or are kids more forward and cheeky?

Lots of parents are very laid back with their kids and let them do as they please so long as they give them a quiet life. Now I wouldn't want those kids at a wedding!!!!!!

Callisto

Hi, I'm getting married in 2007 and just thought I would let you know my thoughts so far on my guest list.

We are definitely inviting two children as the best man (to be) & his wife have a daughter who will be 3 at time of wedding. We're also inviting best man's sister & partner and their daughter who will be 9.

Should the 3 year old play up during the ceremony and her Mum not remove her, I will already have briefed my bridesmaids to ask her to go outside with daughter until she is quiet. I think it highly unfair and downright rude for a parent to let their child make excessive noise during a wedding ceremony - you have only one opportunity to say your vows after all...

Also if my Uncle & Aunty can make it from Australia, their 3 boys will be coming (age range from 4 to 8).

My other 9 cousins I barely see from year to year. As we will be on a tight budget, we just cannot afford to feed extra people. We have to cut guest list down to less than 50... so it's kids we hardly see OR good friends...

If you don't want to invite all the extra kids to the evening, I would start muttering now about the budget and how you didn't realise weddings were so expensive until you started planning (this is what I will be doing!). Most people should get the hint when the kids names don't appear on the invite!

As we're going for inviting some kids and not others, I am fully aware of the earbashing we may get from some parents! :eek:

bylromarha

super41 wrote:

One friend never bothered with me after I said her 6 month old couldn't come, which made me realise she wasn't my true friend as she didn't respect my choice for my special day.

This is just a note for the OP.

I would have had this opinion when I got married as I wasn't a mum. Now I am a mum, I realise how this is actually quite a harsh thing to do to a friend.

At 6 months old, my baby was still being majority breastfed. It was only me who could do that...and expressing that much milk to attend a wedding wasn't an option.

super41, not pulling this example to label you as harsh, just to inform OP if she isn't a mum yet. But super41, I do think you should contact your friend. I wouldn't have come to your wedding in that situation, but that certainly doesn't mean I wasn't a friend. It just meant that in the same way you had to be selfish about your wedding day and that was your priority, she had to be selfish about her baby and that was her priority. Neither of you were going to shift, so why should she be labelled the bad friend?

Go on, give her a ring.

crutches

my coisin will probably get married next year.I do'nt expect him to invite my children but (if)he invites me and my DH i'll phone him.My DH can lookafter all our kids but I may ask if I can take my 14yo dau.instead for the day.It is a family occasion and she knows everybhody better than DH.
Having been to one wedding with his family at one long table hers at the other and friends in the middle to seperate them i think i prefer my own second quickie .we took a lunch break,changed clothes,reg.office,photos,2 witnesses,coca cola and back to work.!

jellyhead

some kids won't want to be there, especially boys who don't like dressing smartly. i was a bridesmaid at my stepdad's wedding (his first one, not to my mum) and i was only 2 years old. apparently i was bored and i was a real pain in the backside, squealing in the church etc. - people might take children from the congregation outside if they're screaming but nobody takes the bridesmaids out the happy couple didn't care though, but they were very close to me, had me to stay and loved me to bits. it might have been different if i'd been a near stranger. my sister was 18 months old and just walking. while mum was trying to settle me at the top table where bridesmaids had to sit (i was refusing to eat and screaming for trifle) my dad didn't realise my sister had crawled under the table. she took drinks off the table and drank them, she was rushed to hospital with alcohol poisoning :eek:

even if all the children are sat with their parents under parental control they might not behave well. the parents could be drinking at the reception and ignoring how badly behaved their kids are. i don't think people are getting intolerant of kids nowadays, i think it's that the kids are getting wilder and other people can't tell them off. when i was little any adult there could have picked me up and taken me out of the church, told me off for being silly etc. but now everyone's afraid so if a kid was talking loudly, pulling the heads off the flowers, swinging on the rails etc. and the parents did nothing that behaviour would just carry on and could upset people.

i will be taking my 4 month baby to the reception part of stepbrothers wedding, but he won't be staying all day. half an hour is long enough i think to be stuck in a room filled with cigarette smoke.