How Cheap can a Funeral Be !

beckstar1975

Sorry for your loss. At a friend's funeral recently they didn't do flowers but instead asked everyone to bring something from their garden - the coffin was covered and looked gorgeous as we went up one by one to lay our flower on and pay our respects - a simple, free and effective gesture.

I hope it all runs smoothly for you

xx

THIRZAH

I'm sorry for your loss. My mother died of cancer 12 years ago. She was very frugal too and wouldn't have approved of what she would have called an "extravagent" funeral.

We chose the cheapest coffin which was also the plainest.My aunt did the wreaths and we just paid her for the flowers. Mum was very involved with in her church and we were lucky that the catering ladies at the church offered to provide the tea after the service as their tribute to her (she had left some money to the church).None of us lived near my Mum so it would have been more difficult for us to do the catering.As the tea was in a Baptist church hall we couldn't have had alcohol with the meal even if we'd wanted it.

We had to provide lunch for a few family members before the service but we found some M&S vouchers in Mum's house and used them to buy some quiches etc.

My husband did the order of service sheets on the computer.The undertaker we used was very helpful-he was recommended by the Minister at Mum's church-and didn't try to push us into unnecessary expense.

You don't need to decide about a headstone for a while yet-if you are having a burial-so just concentrate on getting through the next few days.

sueeve

An undertaker is there to help you to have everything the way you want it. A small family firm can be helpful as they will know the local area so personally. It can be very surprising to find out which firm is more expensive. But your funeral director will encourage and support you in doing what is appropriate for you. A homely family gathering is the nicest thing of all, and the most comforting. A few flowers, perhaps from the garden, a personal reading from someone who loves her. Don't put yourself into situations in which you are not comfortable. Whatever you choose do it for her and as though you are sorting it out with her; in one way you are.
Every blessing
Sue

camelot1001

So sorry.

Over the next few days you may wish to lose yourself in your thoughts and baking for the funeral may be a way to do this. Just do what you feel you can do.

You said that you are the eldest female so I take it there are others who could help - and may wish the distraction - please ask them if you need to, I'm sure they too would like to do something.

Take care of yourself and your Dad. X

hollythecat

Hi Trinny,

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I deal with bereaved people every day and am continually frustrated by how much people are persuaded to spend on funerals. As has been mentioned, a good funeral director should help you get the most appropriate funeral for your family but it is always worth remembering that they are businesses and need to run at a profit. This may seem harsh but I've spoken to many people over the years who have needlessly taken on a debt for a funeral that they couldn't afford. One of the main issues is that people don't feel it's appropriate to 'shop around' for a funeral director and while I can completely understand the emotions involved in the purchase of a funeral, as long as people feel like this funeral directors can effectively charge whatever they want to for the service they provide. There is no legal requirement to use a funeral director if you feel you can make all or some of the arrangements yourself, the cemetery or crematorium you use might be able to offer advice on what you need to do. If you do decide to use a funeral director, they should provide you with a detailed quotation which breaks down their fees, if you are unsure about anything you are being charged for, don't be afraid to question it.

Someone mentioned that wicker coffins are more expensive than more traditional styles, if they are, it is because that is what the funeral director decides to charge for them, there is not a great difference in what they pay for them.

I think previous posters are correct to point out that you are probably surrounded by people who can help you out. People will often ask if there's anything they can do and we will often say 'thank you' and do it all ourselves anyway. If you know someone is good with computers, ask if they can design and print orders of service, if someone is a keen gardener, they may be willing to offer some fresh flowers.

Whatever you decide to do, the fact that you're putting in so much thought will mean that the funeral will be the fitting tribute that you want it to be.

sonjaday

I have a query about a funeral I have to arrange and I've come up against a big problem.
My father died on Easter Sunday, aged 88. To make matters easier for me he had written out all his Catholic Requiem Mass instructions.
The only thing is that he must have done this a long time ago and the page numbers he refers to, do not correspond with the new hymn and prayer books.
Could anyone please help, I need information from old Catholic books.

This is the information he's left me:-

Readings Page 864 Number 3
Responsorial Psalm Page 862
Gospel Page 872 25-1-13

The Hymns

283 ... to the tune of Myfanwy
218 Holy Virgin by God's Decree
342 Channel of Your Peace
130 Faith of Our Fathers

I've asked several of my father's old friends and they can't think of the first hymn.

I'm at a loss with the readings as I haven't a clue.
Any help or advice would be gratefully received.

I so want this, the last help I give my Dad to be right and especially what he wanted.

I'm hoping the people on these forums will come up trumps yet again and help me.

Thank you
Sonjaday

lindadykes

My condolences to those who have lost loved ones.

My father died Christmas Day three years ago and although he had pre paid for his funeral there were a few things that did and didn't go right. My main advice is to consider the needs of yourself and the other bereaved and if necessary be very vocal that your wishes are carried through. We are not a religious family and my mum asked the funeral director to arrange a non religious officiant - his answer was to get a "methodist" minister. Don't get me wrong the man was lovely but he spouted off about how my dad was now with god etc, which for my family was meaningless. The good thing was that as soon as I knew my dad had died I was adamant that his whole funeral would not be conducted by someone who had never met him and I insisted on making a speech at the funeral. The methodist minister tried to impose a time limit on this but once I had written and practised what I wanted to say it was over what he wanted and I insisted that he had to alter what he wanted to say rather than restrict what I wanted to say.

Also my mum had wanted just a simple spray of hand tied lillies on the coffin - she ordered these but when we got to the crem the funeral director placed a much more elaborate wreath from my dad's brother on top of the coffin - at this point in the procedings my mum didn't want to make a fuss but it upset her a lot - so try and make sure that any funeral directors fully understand the families wishes. - Many people at the funeral thought I was very brave for standing up in front of everyone and talking about my dad - but for me it was what I had to do - follow your heart - do what you need to do.

No pressure on me however - but my mum was so pleased that I had added the personal touch that she has said she doesn't want some faceless minister that she doesn't know at her funeral and just wants me to conduct the procedings - I hope when the time comes I can do that, it won't be easy, but will be an honour.

Kimitatsu

sonjaday wrote: »

I have a query about a funeral I have to arrange and I've come up against a big problem.
My father died on Easter Sunday, aged 88. To make matters easier for me he had written out all his Catholic Requiem Mass instructions.
The only thing is that he must have done this a long time ago and the page numbers he refers to, do not correspond with the new hymn and prayer books.
Could anyone please help, I need information from old Catholic books.

This is the information he's left me:-

Readings Page 864 Number 3
Responsorial Psalm Page 862
Gospel Page 872 25-1-13

The Hymns

283 ... to the tune of Myfanwy
218 Holy Virgin by God's Decree
342 Channel of Your Peace
130 Faith of Our Fathers

I've asked several of my father's old friends and they can't think of the first hymn.

I'm at a loss with the readings as I haven't a clue.
Any help or advice would be gratefully received.

I so want this, the last help I give my Dad to be right and especially what he wanted.

I'm hoping the people on these forums will come up trumps yet again and help me.

Thank you
Sonjaday

Hi Sonjaday

So sorry to hear of your loss. Can I suggest that you contact the diosecan office - the number should be in the phone book - and ask to speak to the secretary to the diosece. They will know who the local church librarian is and they should be able to dig out some of the old copies of the books for you and let you know which ones are which.

Take care

THIRZAH

Hi Sonjaday

I'm sorry for your loss. Your parish priest may be able to help-there could well be old copies of the hymn book and missal around in the church or presbtery-or he may know an older parishioner who can help.

My mother went into hospital for chemo before she died. While she was there she must have told everyone who visited her that she was leaving instructions for her funeral on her computer, After she died at least a dozen people phoned us to pass on this information. We spent hours going through the computer but could find nothing about the funeral so could only conclude that she had meant to put the instructions on when she came out of hospital but hadn't got round to doing it.

Trinny

Hi Sonjaday

Sorry to hear the sad news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I dont have access to the Catholic prayer book you describe, as others have said, the parish priest should be able to help out

Very best wishes

Trin