Wedding-pay For Your Own Meal Please

basketcase

Lillibet wrote: »

how much better than going into lots of debt for a party to ask people to spend the present money on a nice meal. I wouldn't be in the least offended if I was asked this by anyone other than a very very well off couple/family!
Good luck;)

I think contributing the present money to the reception is a good idea if it's to save money. But do watch how it's approached or it could cause trouble.

I don't think this is what the OP has in mind but unfortunately I've only been to 1 wedding where this happened - relatives of mine - and the guests really weren't impressed. Mind you, this was more because they had a huge white wedding (300 guests for the final 'slimmed down version' it started at 500!) . They had a stretch limousine, 7 bridesmaids and 2 page boys. There was a very large 'evening do' and a smaller 'breakfast' for which the guests paid. The Present List came with the invite, the notice that you were expected to pay did not. My relative (mother of groom) nearly hit the roof. Not a good start.

As I said, I don't think this is what you're meaning, but do make sure everybody knows what to expect.

pukkamum

Hi i did this at my wedding i was going to have a meal for just family and my bridesmaid which my sis was paying for as a wedding present. Quite a few other friends expressed a desire to come so i simply said yes i would love you there but you will have to pay for your own meal and they were more than happy with that. I find honesty is the best policy when it comes to these things if you tell people you are on a budget.

AnnieH

I think the idea isa good one, as long as you go to a restaurant that is not extravagantly priced. then everyone can enjoy it.

I say this because my sister recently organised a "do" in a restaurant for my dad's 60th birthday, where everyoe was expected to pay for their own meal, but instead of choosing somewhere nice but not expensive, she chose somewhere SHE likes, and she is probably the only member of the family who doesn't have to worry about money IYSWIM. Some people could only afford one course and no drinks. That wasn't fair in my opinion.

Hope that makes sense...

CB1979_2

wow! again all the kerfuffle over nothing.

you've already answered the question OP, her FRIENDS will know already she's skint and can't afford a lavish do, etc etc.

so just get her to invite everyone she wants there, but say she can't afford to pay for the grub but would love people to go, they're more than welcome just going to the restaurant and not eating if they still want to be part of the celebrations.

my mate got married cost him £100 per head just for food & drink at table, i wouldn't have minded if he told me i had to pay it myself.

again it seems women like to beat around the bush (so to speak! lol), just make it nice & simple and TELL everyone the situation, that's what any bloke would do.
if they get offended, then they're not real friends.

mrcow

If I were a guest, I wouldn't mind how it was worded tbh (as long as it wasn't just me being asked to pay for my meal lol!)

duchy

I think it's a tread carefully scenario. My eyebrows raised at we've said that we would all pay for our own meal etc... and that all her guests should.
What you choose to do for you is entirely your decision but I certainly don't think you should be dicatating to the other friends and certainly not the family of the bride and groom. It all sounds very pushy to me.
I don't honestly see the need for a meal anyway. As you rightly say the important part is the ceremony-and she plans to have "refreshments" rather than a full blown meal at home. Why the need for a resturant anyway ?
If it's a summer wedding and they (or family/friends) have a garden why not do something totally different. I went to a lovely wedding where the "meal" was "afternoon tea" tea and cakes in the garden-inexpensive and charming-and different. Something people will really remember. My brother's wedding reception was "bangers and mash" in a pub-it was loads of fun. I think a little more thinking outside the box might give them similar ideas -something that suits THEIR own personalities instead of feeling they have to follow the crowd.
To be honest if they have little money then they would probably benefit more from wedding presents than guests paying for their own meal anyway.

curly_cabbage

I think they should ask people to pay for there meal instead of a wedding gift. I chap i work with did this for his honeymoon, as he put it, they have houshold goods already as they live together and would really like a honeymoon to have that they can't afford so that worked well for them and everybody we've spoken to about it have agreed its a good idea. and putting it in those term people well not feel put out and will probery bring a gift also.
Good luck

CC

[Deleted User]

If you can't afford to have a wedding, don't have a wedding. Go off somewhere and get married.

Just don't expect people to pay for your celebration.. if she's in love, it's the marriage that will be important, not the wedding

frugallass

It's a difficult one - if it was a 'wedding reception' then I would say that the guests shouldn't have to pay - if it was a gathering of friends out for a meal then each pays their fair share

If they really can't afford to pay for the meal then I suggest that the newlyweds call it a meal with friends

domestic_goddess

I would be more than happy to pay for my own meal, I do like the idea of someone else organising it for her to avoid any potential awkwardness:beer: