Money Moral Dilemma: Should retired parents pay off their daughter's debts?



  • tallgirld
    tallgirld Posts: 484 Forumite
    First Anniversary
    OH PLEASE!!! She's taking the mick. she has already been bailed out twice!! I dont think they should help her again.

    If she gets repossesed she will be re-housed as she has children. (I think that's how it works)
  • They should definately not bail her out again. Help her go through her finances, offer to baby sit so that she can work more, chip in with the food shopping and bills on a temporary basis maybe but the daughter needs to learn to stand on her own two feet. Otherwise what kind of example is she setting her own children. Personally I think the daughter is being very selfish, mine and my partners patents have helped us out a lot, but I would never dream of asking them to bail me out in this way once, never mind 3 times.
  • Hello

    In reply to the moral dilemma, definitely would not bail out daughter for a third time.
    re Ginger lover comment
    ....I do have 1 point to make that the older generation seem to forget, yes interest rates went up by at least 15% in the 80's or 90's when you bought your house, but back then houses were so cheap your could afford to get a house if you wanted to on just 1 income...and you didnt need to be david beckham either! Also you probably got a grant like I did at Uni, no grant means a lot of shouldered debt - this should have been thought about more as it can only get worse.

    Houses have never been cheap, the cost of property is relative to income.
    In late 60s, we were turned away by our building society where we had saved the necessary 10 per cent deposit, on grounds that we did not earn enough to support payments. We were both employed in public sector, local government and wanted to buy the very least expensive property we could find, 35 miles from both our families.
    On my wedding day in church, I wore a dress I had made myself and dyed my
    best shoes and handbag to match. We were given pre-enjoyed furniture by family and had realistic expectations of our limited financial horizons and we did not get into debt.

    I did not get a grant to get my degree, I paid the fees to the Open University and worked full time while studying.
    I now have learned to appreciate the value and hard work involved to achieve what I have.
    It is a cruel MYTH that we can have it all.

    best wishes to everyone, that is if you are still awake at the back
  • sluggy1967
    sluggy1967 Posts: 190 Forumite
    They shouldn't, but I probably would.....
  • [
    Should retired parents pay off their daughter's debts?

    A retired couple have saved all their life to build a nest egg. Now their 34 year old daughter, a single mum with two young kids, is badly in debt; so much so they’re knocking at her door and repossession is possible. Twice before she’s been in a money troubles and they’ve bailed her out; yet she keeps on overspending and has limited financial control; but if she can’t pay they’re worried about their grandchildren. Repaying the debt would eat up half their retirement funds.

    Click reply to have your say

    Absolutely not! My parents both bailed my younger sisiter out many times. Now both parents are dead who is going to bail her out? 33 years old and cannot manage but has never had a job either as parents paid for everything, including 4 year old child!
  • They can pay of the debts for her only if she first agrees to let them have an equal amount plus what they have allready given her held as a charge, or if she allready has a morgage, a second charge on the property, including any aditional costs incurred. This charge should be index linked so it will always reflect the moneys given. This then secures her parents equity/savings in the existing property, which they then may hold as 'trustees' for their grandchildren. The Daughter should also be made to adhere to a strick budget controlled by a third party [bank?] that she cannot blackmail or bully like her parents. It may also be possible to arrange that no further loans can be secured using the property as equity once this 1st or 2nd charge has been made. Not being a financial wiz I would not realy know.
    Perhaps a good slapping might help as well.
  • hilary1
    hilary1 Posts: 1,443 Forumite
    why is it that todays 'kids' think they should have help from their parents no matter how old they are.

    yes we dont mind giving to our children and even helping them at times but it seems that today it is expected yet we all struggled (no matter how cheap you think things were then we didnt earn or get the benefits that are paid today) and when we 'made our bed' we had to lie on it.

    unfortunately we live in a society where its all take take take.

    The curve that can set a lot of things straight is a smile
  • marmie
    marmie Posts: 3 Newbie
    No she will never learn unless she has to sort herself out. What they should do is refer her to money saving, help her fill out a budget planner and make sure she sticks to it. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and once she learns how to manage her money she will go from strength to strength.
  • toetonic
    toetonic Posts: 12 Forumite
    GrowMoney wrote: »
    Her parents need to ask themselves if it is actually their daughters fault that she is in debt. I suspect as in most cases the fault is actually more with the parents although they do not realise it.

    The daughter is a single mother with two children. This situation happens. She probably has very little chance of earning a high salary.
    blah blah blah

    If they care about their grandchildren they should help her by paying off some of her mortgage. They shouldn't watch their grandchildren grow up in poverty, whilst rattling around in a huge oversized, overpriced house and spanking vast quantities of money on various overpriced and unnecessary [insert your parents spending here]

    blah blah GrowMoney

    I have been divorced for 15 years and have two children aged 16 and 18. I also now have a grandchild!! I own my house with a mortgage and work.

    I have been in dire straits at times, unable at one point to afford to buy a loaf of bread but I would NEVER ask or expect my parents to bail me out!! I have made my choices and I live with them. Times have been hard but I never buy anything unless I have the money available i.e. save up! I would rather do without than rely on someone elses money.

    If this woman is not working she will receive income support, which isn't a lot but you can survive - I did!

    If she does work and doesn't earn a lot she will receive tax credits, which again don't make you rich but you can survive - I do - even with a £120,000 mortgage!!

    Hand-me-down clothes, second hand furniture etc etc - my kids have never gone without and are always clean and well dressed. Beans on toast, baked potatoes, no snacks and supermarket own brands provide a healthy diet.

    My credit card was cut in half more than 10 years ago when I was charged £30 for not paying on time! The best advice I was ever given and that I give my kids is 'don't live beyond your means'. I live by it, which allows my hard working parents to enjoy their retirement. I was going to say without worrying about my financial situation but I know they do - however, I have never and will never need bailing out - there are always ways and means of managing and I am proud to say the only debt I have is my mortgage, which, incidentally I have just had to change to an interest only for two years due to the 'credit crunch' but hopefully by then things will be more stable and I can switch back to a repayment - as I said - always ways and means of managing!

    I'd rather have my parents than their money.

    Since when did it become a childs right to spend/take their parents money??

    Rant over!!! :rotfl:
  • lel51
    lel51 Posts: 4 Newbie
    (Unfortunately) we tend to only learn lessons the hard way and sometimes it has to get very painful before we really learn. The parents have been trying to make it easy for their daughter by paying her debts, but as a consequence of their generosity, there is no incentive for her not to repeat the pattern. In fact, she has every incentive to keep on doing more of the same without taking any responsibility.

    She made her own choices, she now has to face up to the consequences of the choices she made. It's time she found her own way of the mess she made for herself. And if it is hard for her, she will be less inclined to get into debt again
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors


  • All Categories
  • 343K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.6K Spending & Discounts
  • 235.1K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 607.8K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173K Life & Family
  • 247.8K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards