How can I smooth things over with OH's best mate?

Paparika

Scarlett1 wrote: »

gwen I would call the best mate and have a heart to heart with him about what the problem is between the two of you, maybe he doesn't understand that you aren't a big socialiser and is taking your shyness as being aloof, although I would have though that your OH would have explained that to him, I personally would have driven the guy home as I wouldn't have been able to drive off and leave him standing there to make his own way home

I agree with this, go direct to BM, as OH is likely to say bitter things about you to him just to smooth things over, have it out with BM and ask him if he would like to explain all the 'other things'

OH could of been making excuses for you but more of what the BM wanted to hear and not defend you, and put OH on rations for his un-support

crank_girl

debs66 wrote: »

the i'm alright jack mentality is what is ruining our country.

Now I thought it was the fault of asylum seekers and bendy buses. Just shows how wrong you can be.

Carmina_Piranha_3

hi,

how far was your husband from home? i'm just thinking that if you're tired perhaps he could have got a taxi home and you could have had an early night - something to suggest for next time

i'm not a drinker and my husband goes out with his mates. i am usually in bed before midnight regardless of whether he's home or not

bryanb

dad-of-4 wrote: »

if this guy had lived 4 miles away that would have taken you 2 minutes @ 30mph.

I guess you failed GCSE maths? 8 minutes there, 8 minutes back, then home ? minutes

elona

Can she drive at 120 miles an hour?:eek:

AnnieH

I suggest going to OH's mate directly, and apologising/explaining your reasoning. Troublwe is you don't know what your Oh has said about you behind your back, judging from the texts.

My Oh goes out boozing, but I am always in bed by the time he finds his own way home

something_girl

What does your OH think of you reading his texts, sent and received?

Shineyhappy

"OH has this habit of offering lifts to his mates and *then* asking me, I've told him it's not fair because it makes me look like the bad guy and I don't want to be the resident taxi driver just because I don't drink!"

To me it sounds like your OH goes out a lot and then you have to ferry him and his friends home. Do you go out on these evenings or do you just act as a chauffeur? My younger brother made a habit of going out, getting drunk and needing a lift home at 2am when he knew our mum would complain so he phones me, even though she lived closer. It infuriated me and much as I didnt want him to be stranded I also was fed up of being treated like a taxi just because I wasn't drinking at that time. Funnily enough when I started having the occasional glass of wine again he stopped getting stranded.

Picking up a loved one occasionally is fine and I have picked up a tipsy OH every now and then but I think it would beunfair if he went out got drunk and then expected me to go out in the cold to pick him up on a regular basis. Thankfully he doesn't and we socialise together and take the driving in turns.

top_drawer_2

Marker wrote: »

She owes him, or should at least show more appreciation. If she hasnt got a give and take relationship then maybe she should get out, all we know is this little snippet!

Gwen - if your AD are making you that sleepy I suggest you go back to the doctor and have them changed! Your not going to overcome any sort of depression if you are knackered all the time!

Marker - The active ingredient in the majority of modern AD's is serotonin which is also heavily implicated in causing sleep.

Jen

cwp500

remember male ego will be playing a large part in this. the tone of texts between brothers will be different than between husband and wife particularly if there is some rivalry that you are unaware of.

unacceptable as it may be, he may be trying to project a macho, controlling image to his mates (I will sort out the little women mentality) despite his true nature towards you.

revealing that you have seen his texts is not too wise. it could make him feel some trust has been broken between you and cause him to worry that you are obliged to discuss this with others, further denting his own self esteem.

if you cant let it go, chat about it but definitely dont cross examine him about his text messages.