How can I smooth things over with OH's best mate?

gorgeous_gwen

Went to pick up OH last night from meeting his bezzie mate. OH comes to the car and asks if we can give bezzie mate's brother a lift home, who lives a few miles in the opposite direction. I say sorry, I'm knackered and just want to go home and go to bed (is about quarter to midnight.) OH reminds me that bezzie mate's brother rescued us when we broke down on way to holiday and we owe him. I say it would be fine had I known, I would have come out earlier when less tired and point out that I just have enough petrol to go to my parents today where DS is and not much money to get any more.

We get home, OH is huffy and texting on his phone. I say right then, I'm off to bed, are you coming? No answer. Eventually comes to bed about 4am (if I remember rightly!)

Gets up this morning, goes to borrow OH's phone to send some texts. I see the texts sent last night between OH and his bezzie mate, BM saying I was "sly" for not giving his brother a lift, and that he's tired of trying to be mates with me and I've made no effort so he's not going to bother anymore, how it isn't just about last night but it's loads of things and he gets the feeling I'm not bothered...! Then OH saying he's going to have words with me...

Completely astounded by all this. OH knows that I've been on some strong tablets that can make me quite sleepy and tbh I didn't want to risk losing concentration making a longer car journey than anticipated. Nothing to do with being sly, like I say I would have been happy to give them lifts if had known beforehand, I would have come out earlier when more awake. OH has this habit of offering lifts to his mates and *then* asking me, I've told him it's not fair because it makes me look like the bad guy and I don't want to be the resident taxi driver just because I don't drink!

Utterly bemused about what his best mate has said. As far as I was concerned, we got on fine, I knew him before OH anyway to say hello to, we often have chats when we see each other, we've been on holiday together twice. The only thing he's ever said to my knowledge is that sometimes I'm difficult to talk to, but I admit I am shy sometimes which OH has explained. The thing is a large part of their socialising is going out drinking and I often take a back seat or don't go because it's not something that really interests me.

I don't want OH's best mate to feel like that about me but I don't know what to do really. I know I probably did appear ungrateful to OH's bezzie mate's brother, that was not my intention, I just wanted to get home to sleep!

What can I do to smooth things over?

Alikay

Apologise fully, humbly, and sincerely! OH should also apologise to his mates (not warning you before you came out was his fault, after all) and explain the tablet/tiredness thing.

I doubt it was exactly convenient for the mate's brother to rescue you when you broke down. Sometimes it does put you out to help someone else, and I'd have got up earlier today to put a couple more gallons of petrol in. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's what friendship's all about.

celyn90

To be honest, I'd have expected my partner to stick up for me and just explain that I was tired and not well rather than him saying he was going to have words with me for not jumping. It sounds to me like he's playing you off against each other which could be the source of some of the antipathy and the confusion.

You sound like a totally reasonable person who's happy for your OH to have his freedom and his friends; they just don't see that for some reason. cel x

Scarlett1

gwen I would call the best mate and have a heart to heart with him about what the problem is between the two of you, maybe he doesn't understand that you aren't a big socialiser and is taking your shyness as being aloof, although I would have though that your OH would have explained that to him, I personally would have driven the guy home as I wouldn't have been able to drive off and leave him standing there to make his own way home

mrcow

How can I smooth things over with OH's best mate?


It's easy - you call them up and apologise.

You should have given the lift.....it was only a few miles and that's what friends do. The excuses you are offering are rubbish btw! - the guy rescued you when you broke down for goodness sake.

Oh - and reading someone else's private texts is pretty low too.

Your OP is coming across as a little controlling and miserable......I'm sure that's not what you are normally like.....but it may be what his friend is seeing too?!

If you want people to like you, then you have to behave like someone that people are going to want to like!

galvanizersbaby

Oh dear - aren't men a pain in the bu**

If I were you I'd get O/H to say you felt bad for not giving a lift the other night but you were feeling really dodgy due to your tablets but you feel really bad about it - reckon it's down to him to smooth things over - after all he put you on the spot

carole.uk

Sorry but i agree with Alikay, what comes around goes around and you get out what you put in. if someone had come to my rescue when i was going on holiday i would be forever grateful!!. I think you should have just given him the lift and then spoke to your OH when he was sober, explaining that he did put you in a difficult situation and he should never do that again. I would admit yes sorry should have given the lift but your OH certainly did'nt help to ease the situation & he has to take responsibility for that, You need to talk to him and get him to understand, good luck

Marker_2

Yep you should of given the lift, or infact by the sounds of it you shouldnt of been driving at all tbh! If you were THAT tired then you shouldnt of been drivign in thr first place. But forgetting that, I think you are really selfish for not giving the lift a couple of miles down the road when the guy saved your butt so you could go on holiday. Is there any wonder they were sending these texts?

I would start grovelling if I were you before its to late! As for your OH, speak to him when hes sober, your fighting a loosing battle when hes drunk!

Twopints

I don't think you have anything to apologise for. Your OH does.

Maybe find the number of a taxi firm for him to pass on to his mate.

Their failure to plan/ communicate and just assume you would provide a lift, is just that their failure, not yours.

Marker_2

Twopints wrote: »

I don't think you have anything to apologise for. Your OH does.

Maybe find the number of a taxi firm for him to pass on to his mate.

Their failure to plan/ communicate and just assume you would provide a lift, is just that their failure, not yours.

Yes lets forget about the holiday!

gorgeous_gwen

mrcow wrote: »

How can I smooth things over with OH's best mate?


It's easy - you call them up and apologise.

You should have given the lift.....it was only a few miles and that's what friends do. The excuses you are offering are rubbish btw! - the guy rescued you when you broke down for goodness sake.

Oh - and reading someone else's private texts is pretty low too.

Your OP is coming across as a little controlling and miserable......I'm sure that's not what you are normally like.....but it may be what his friend is seeing too?!

If you want people to like you, then you have to behave like someone that people are going to want to like!

Me and OH have an 'open phone' kinda policy, we use each others if one of us hasn't got credit, it's just something that we do. We just always say that neither of us has anything to hide so we never think anything of using each other's phones.

I probably sound miserable because my tablets are anti depressants and I feel rather rubbish at the mo! All I want to do most of the time is sleep... May sound like a rubbish excuse and probably is but it's true, what can I say?

As far as I was concerned me and his best mate got on fine, but I think a chat and an apology might go some way to smooth things over so am going to do that.