How can I smooth things over with OH's best mate?

mrcow

gorgeous_gwen wrote: »

Me and OH have an 'open phone' kinda policy, we use each others if one of us hasn't got credit, it's just something that we do.

I wasn't querying you using the phone - just reading text messages that were not meant for you!

gorgeous_gwen wrote: »

As far as I was concerned me and his best mate got on fine, but I think a chat and an apology might go some way to smooth things over so am going to do that.

Obviously not though - friendship is a two way thing. I hope you're not stranded anytime soon needing a lift or a favour. Who do you think is going to help you out next time?

crank_girl

Wow - there are some really judgemental people in here who seem to have misread the thread title. It reads "how can I smooth things over with my OH's best mate, not "please tell me whether I was right or wrong and berate me for it."

Its fine to say that the OP did the wrong thing (in your opinion) and offer suggestions to put it right but the rest is just overkill.

In hindsight its obvious that the OP could have avoided the situation by giving her OH's friend a lift. Pointing out the completely fecking obvious is only useful if she's able to bend the space/time continuum and go back and do things differently.

OP, sounds like you're having a tough time and the moment and probably not your usual friendly and helpful self. I'm sure a genuine apology to your OH's BF and brother together with a heads-up that you've not been on top form would be warmly received. Maybe you could invite them both round for dinner and a bottle of wine when you're feeling up to it?

I have mixed feelings about the actions of your OH though. If you've been struggling with your mood you'll need his support. Maybe you need to have a frank discussion with him about this and set expectations about what you need from him, i.e. not condoning his friends bitching about you, not springing things on you and just generally being a bit more understanding.

Let us know how it goes.

Edit: Man this swear filter is really darn harsh.

CB1979_2

lol - you are kidding right?

granted if it meant you driving illegally (ie overloading the car) but to drive an extra 10 mins in total is a joke.

that's without even taking into account the fact he's helped you out previously too.

should've done it, then had words to your O/H in your own home, said you weren't impressed blah blah blah.

poor show imo

claire1234

hiya,

i dont blame you, stick your ground & you didnt do anything wrong so no need to feel sorry,

my oh drives and i dont (i would love to tho), he will give lifts to anyone and anywhere but when it comes to me wanting a lift he will whinge on sooo bad! ive always kept quiet but to question about it or complain is as though im asking him to carry me to and fro!

you stick to your guns, make sure he asks before so you know.

melancholly

i guess the flip side of the coin is how far is it acceptable to go in trying to scab a lift off a mate?! once they've politely said no, is it normal to beg/grovel for ages afterwards? maybe the OP should have given the lift and made it clear afterwards that she isn't an on call taxi service for her OH's drunk friends (and their relatives).... but should you need to explain that?! i'll happily help friends out with my car (moving house, trips to supermarkets/shops etc), but i genuinely resent being the designated driver for a group, without offering and without being consulted either!

Marker_2

crank_girl wrote: »

Wow - there are some really judgemental people in here .

She says judging others :rolleyes:

It was 11.45 and a few minutes out of your way, if you were low on petrol you should of asked them all to scrape a fiver together - you would of made a couple of quid to for your troubles

You should apologise to your OH for showing him up infront of his mates, as for the mate, a load of beer and a weeks worth of lifts back from the pub should do it!:o

crank_girl

Marker wrote: »

She says judging others :rolleyes:

I am merely observing others being judgemental, not judging them for it.

debs66_2

i often collect my mum from a work's night out, and last time she was with two other women, who i took to 2 separate places in the same large village after dropping my mum off. i didn't mind. i wanted them home safe and they were friends of my mum.

i love my mum and she has always helped me out in many ways. she would also do the same for me. i always think that if you do nice things for people, then the same will come for you.

the i'm alright jack mentality is what is ruining our country.

re the OP. I agree that she has asked what she can do to amend, and I suggest a sorry, and a quiet word with her OH about what will be and won't be acceptable in future should this arise again. at the time, she shouldn't have just left a guy stranded who had helped her out in the past.

Bogof_Babe

dad-of-4 wrote: »

if this guy had lived 4 miles away that would have taken you 2 minutes @ 30mph

You might like to re-check your calcs on that one. 4 miles away = 8 miles round trip. 30mph = a mile in two minutes, so you're looking at 20 mins at best, allowing for straight through traffic without hold-ups, plus dropping off time.

I fully agree with the OP's reaction - she is not anyone's servant and it doesn't sound as if the lift was even requested courteously, more like presented as a fait accompli. Perhaps her OH and his mate and his mate's brother will be more considerate next time!

Millionaire

OP should have given him a lift. It was only a few miles which would have taken a few minutes at most.

Me and my friends/family always go out of our way to help each other, no matter how tired or how much inconvenience there is.