Son already dipped in to his overdraft...

Lara

Well said Sue. I presume Robert_Sterling doesn't have children or else he would know the saying "easier said than done!"

Robert_Sterling_3

Robert Sterling overlooked the dyspraxia so his comment was not appropriate in this case.
Robert Sterling has got children.

stellagypsy

Thanks again everyone.

I have decided that he is a big boy now (he is actually 19) and despite his learning disability he will have to sort this out for himself. He said to me last night that he is an adult and wants to be treated like one so that is what I must do.

We have agreed a nominal amount every month for "board" and he says he intends to use his bar shift wages (£50 per week) for his main spends and just top it up from his loan when he needs to. He doesn't have many books to buy (he is doing a multimedia graphic design course - he creates original artwork to use in his designs), he gets his Applemac lap top and all his consumables are paid for out of his disabled student grant. Most of his work is based on producing computer graphics, therefore this will cover the bulk of the expenditure for his course materials. He has a one-off charge of £40 to pay on enrolment for studio fees, so he can use the art rooms and dark rooms at any time, which he has agreed to pay himself. He already knows a few of the others on the course already as they all did their BTEC National together so he won't be thrust in to the social scene "friendless".

He does not understand about savings accounts - when he wants to save anything (not every often!) he puts the money in an old WW1 brass tobacco tin that was my great grandad's!!!!! (I think it is quite sweet, that is what my old gran also used that tin for!) Not very hi-tech but it is beter than nothing.

I'm not totally convinced but I'll have to accept it, I'll just keep my eye on him and hope he has the sense to follow what he has planned. He's proved me wrong before, just hope he can do it again.

Stella xx

gizmoleeds

Robert_Sterling wrote:

Parents have 18 years in which to teach their children, by example or otherwise, to have a sensible approach to money management.
If you have not done this by the time they reach 18 then perhaps you have left it too late.

But teenages may see this in a different light and come to despise their parent's prudence and long for a bit of lavishness, getting them into trouble when they leave home.

One thing I find very interesting watching the BBC2 series "Bank of Mum and Dad" (where youngsters with appaling debts have their parents move in and control their finances for them for a week) is that the parents are always money savers (they buy from the discount section in Asda, wash their own cars, make comments like "I've never been in debt in my life").

I wholeheartedly agree with you thatr parents must teach their children money management, but it is not necessarily the parent's fault if the child refuses to pick up what they're being taught.


Edit: missed your followup, but the post still stands as even without knowing about the dyspraxia the point is still valid

BWZN93

Bennifred wrote:

I can guess just how frustrated you must be feeling, stellagypsy! My eldest boy is also useless with money - money just disappears, and the only way he's managed to save any of his earnings is to hand the savings to me to look after (the younger ones aren't so I figure it's not anything I've done ) and about to go away to Uni (this Saturday, sob!). I've advised him to stick with his normal (no overdraft allowed) account so that he's not tempted - he'll be in enough debt with the loan IMO. Luckily he has agreed, is hopefully going to get a job once he's settled in, and will survive on savings from his summer job until then.
Well, that's the plan, but who knows what he'll do when he hits Freshers' Week..........

Do you think it would have been better to let him get the overdraft (as its interest free for several years!!) and put it in an isa that he cant get to (you have all the details and passbooks etc) so he can pay off the o/d when he graduates and have a bit of free money at the banks expense??

He'll probably only go and get the o/d when he is at uni anyway!!

Jo xx

Bennifred

We did discuss that, Jo, but that gives the possibility of going over the overdraft limit - he did that recently when the bank offered him a full bank account. So (with his agreement) they switched him back to a no-overdraft account. I see where you're coming from, though - he could indeed open a student account now he's away from home, but I figure I've talked it all through with him and it's up to him now :eek: I just live in hope that he manages as he is - he does agree that he's pretty bad with money and it's best to avoid temptation, but who knows! There's only so much a parent can do........

stellagypsy

This is going from bad to worse - Son is going nuts with his (rather - the bank's) money as I feared - he has already racked up £400 overdraft on nothing and his loan (£824) has not yet been deposited in his account. He has a weekend in Bridlington planned with his friend (who works) which he expects will cost him a further £150 (he will have £25 wages to contribute) and I can't talk him out of it no matter how I try.

So - do I let him just crank it up or do I clamp down on him now?

OH is arguing with son continuously (although I must say it is a case of "do as I say" not "do as I did" with him as he was a reckless student with his grant - hadn't yet met ME then!) and it is causing problems between us as I can't bear all this arguing (I was the only child of warring parents and had to put up with it till I could get out - I won't have it in my home).

What can I do or, as I fear, must I "do nowt" and let him have a taste of what it is like to have nothing at the end of the day? (Can't wait for him to discover credit cards!). Even with his learning disablility taken in to acount, he is driving me mad. Talking to him does no good, he just agrees with everything I say then does exactly what he wants.

TIA, Stella xx

Lantik

Don't worry about it so much... just let him get on with it... when the money has gone then it's gone... he'll go out and find a weekend/evening job... (that's what I did).

I'm 28 and the majority of my student loans went on clubbing in Ibiza and Aiya Napa (1995-1999)... do I regret it... no way... I'm now earning £50k a year and have just paid my mortgage off...

My parents stayed out of my finances... as long as your son isn't stealing or borrowing ridiculous amounts of money then he'll pull through.

HTH

Savvy_Sue

I'm not sure how you can clamp down on him ...

But you can talk to your husband and agree a joint strategy. Which, from your point of view, sounds like it needs to include "no shouting".

I do feel for you. But eventually the bank will not let him have any more overdraft: does your son have a strategy for what happens then?

TeamMCS

Just a note: He'll get a bad credit rating if you let him go totally mad.. Personally I think he needs a large brick wall to be pushed against...