Son already dipped in to his overdraft...

stellagypsy

and he hasn't even got his student loan yet!?!?!?!?!?

How can this be? He went in to bank today with his place offer, converted his 16-21 account in to a student account and promptly blagged £300 out of his "new" overdraft.

He can't see anything wrong in this - I am furious with him, this is what I mean about his money, he is just plain USELESS. And as for the bank allowing him do this - words fail me!!!!!! (well, words I could type on here, anyway)

So do I go totally OTT and try and control it for him or do I let him blow it completely? Thank heavens he is staying at home.

Any ideas / thoghts most welcome.

Stella

lipidicman

Throw him out and let him fend for himself. I'm not serious here, but you really need to budget when you have rent to pay and you know the limits set by your parents on handouts. The people who know they will be rescued are the worst with money. Dont lose it, make him take responsibility (harder when they are at home, much tougher for the student when they are away with no money for food or heating!)

Bennifred

I can guess just how frustrated you must be feeling, stellagypsy! My eldest boy is also useless with money - money just disappears, and the only way he's managed to save any of his earnings is to hand the savings to me to look after (the younger ones aren't so I figure it's not anything I've done ) and about to go away to Uni (this Saturday, sob!). I've advised him to stick with his normal (no overdraft allowed) account so that he's not tempted - he'll be in enough debt with the loan IMO. Luckily he has agreed, is hopefully going to get a job once he's settled in, and will survive on savings from his summer job until then.
Well, that's the plan, but who knows what he'll do when he hits Freshers' Week..........

Dark_Forces

I think it is better you control it for him. Or as lipidicman says, get him out of the house but since he is already at home, better to control the overdraft and finances. Maybe you could become a signatory as well on his account? Just a thought.

I am about to start University and from all the jobs I have done, I have saved up because it should cusion me a bit when all the stuff needs to be paid for and I want to leave the overdraft and not touch it with a barge pole until absolutely necessary.

Stevenj214

stellagypsy wrote:

and he hasn't even got his student loan yet!?!?!?!?!?

How can this be? He went in to bank today with his place offer, converted his 16-21 account in to a student account and promptly blagged £300 out of his "new" overdraft.

He can't see anything wrong in this - I am furious with him, this is what I mean about his money, he is just plain USELESS. And as for the bank allowing him do this - words fail me!!!!!! (well, words I could type on here, anyway)

So do I go totally OTT and try and control it for him or do I let him blow it completely? Thank heavens he is staying at home.

Any ideas / thoghts most welcome.

Stella

Set out what you expect from him in rent/bills etc over the year, and as long as he pays you from his loan/bursary/overdraft, then the rest you can do is give advice.

Sit down and talk to him, try and persuade him to limit his overdraft to 500.

Apart from that, what can you do? Control his finances? He'll open another account. Scream and shout? Causes unecessary friction in the house.

So yeh, speak to him as an adult, and hope that he takes on board some of your advice.

lipidicman

Stevenj214 wrote:

So yeh, speak to him as an adult, and hope that he takes on board some of your advice.

This is the best advice. If you take control, where does it end? You'll be appearing on 'Bank of Mum and Dad' in ten years time. Treat him like an adult. Make it clear that it is his responsibility but tell him that you are there to offer help (and so is this forum!) but not 'rescue plans'.

Dont be to harsh about Freshers week, budget a big wadge of cash for it. It is only one week and it never comes back!

Stevenj214

lipidicman wrote:

Dont be to harsh about Freshers week, budget a big wadge of cash for it. It is only one week and it never comes back!

lol - i'm on my third

stellagypsy

Oh, he's already factored in his freshers week "action" (which I was expecting)! Plus he has bought a snooker cue!! Plus he is planning a weekend in Bridlington!!! (neither of which were anticipated)

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

We have had a talk of sorts - he has a job paying him £50 a week (2 bar shifts) and he feels that he can manage on this and the remains of his loan (which he hasn't got yet!) which puts his OD back to zero - I think I understand what he is getting at. This master plan is all dependant on him keeping his job and not going totally bonkers with what bit he has left. I don't mind him having a bit on the OD, but not the full thousand (yes, those idiots at the bank have allowed him a £1000 overdraft).

He is like this because he has dyspraxia which means that "numbers" mean nothing to him, he is not much cop with anything like that, nor does "time" have much meaning. Trying to impress upon him that he has £x to last y weeks is a lost cause. I don't want to end up controlling his money for him if I can avoid it, I want him to be as independant as possible, but there must be a happy medium. (You may wonder how he ever got to Uni, he is a brilliant artist / computer graphic designer).

I just do not know what to do for the best now.

Help!!!!

Stella xx

Stevenj214

one possible solution would be to open another account (student - take advantage of another freebie, but have no overdraft)

have his wages and his loan paid into the first account, then drip it into the new account by weekly direct debits.

this is something that you can sit down, and talk about and explain it. even though you would then be exerting some influence on it (helping him agree how much each week he needs) you wouldn't be directly controlling it.

muddyfox470

Probably could be best (if he is going to be living away from home)

Give him a weekly/monthly, non-flexible allowance, so it is not you who has to adjust to his actions (if you are at all going to give him any more money). But it is he, who will be realising what he can afford, and what he cannot afford to do, thus him having to make self sacrifices.

If he does get into extreme difficulties just explain to him, it his own fault not yours, obviously support him, but make him live on a budget.

The ease of this will depend whether he is living at home or away.

Altho Stella, if he still suffers from Dyspraxia, it would probably be best to try and get a cling onto his finances, and sit down and have a talk to him, to explain what he will have, and where ur support will be ending, for him at uni. Just makesure he doesnt live a too luxurious life. Some of my friends just seem like they won't be contributing at all, and they will be relying on their parents too much.

You need to get rid of the reliance factor.

Best of luck

Ian

PS. I try to use Microsoft money to keep track of my money and finances (it ends up as a sort of diary) but i can only guess other just either wouldn't have the time or couldnt be bothered!

Savvy_Sue

I think you have to start asking him this question: does he ever want to live independently of you? Because if he does, he has to solve the dyspraxia thing somehow. Whether that is by letting you or someone else trustworthy keep an eye on his money with him, or by getting a better handle on numbers himself, however hard that is!

I fear you may have to let him get in a complete pickle, but not too big a one, and then help him work his way out of it. That's 'work his way out of it' not pay off the overdraft.

But talking to him as an adult has to be the way to go, however hard that is ...

Thinking about it, some of what your son (and lots of other young adults!) needs to learn doesn't have to involve numbers. Does he understand that an overdraft is the bank's money, which he has spent? And that the bank will expect to be paid back? Does he know the difference between a debit and a credit card? ie that one comes out of your money immediately, and the other doesn't, but usually costs more. And that people who lend you money don't usually do it from the goodness of their hearts ...

And would he cope better with the ideas if they were illustrated with Lego bricks and pictures or something like that? "If you spend this much in Freshers' week" (cue pile of Lego bricks) "you will have to sell this many of your pictures / ideas" - don't know if he has sold anything yet, but sounds like it may be something he will do in the future.

Also, is he plugged into support for students with special needs within the University? Maybe they can help when it all gets too personal with you!