Son already dipped in to his overdraft...

sfboy

I think the best way is to explain the situation calmly, if you say you're dissappointed with him and explain why he may understand. If you lecture it'll sound like you're trying to muscle in on his new found freedoms and he'll just switch off.

On the lighter side get him to watch a few episodes of 'bank and mum and dad'

wallace_3

stellagypsy wrote:

And as for the bank allowing him do this - words fail me!!!!!! (well, words I could type on here, anyway)

It's not exactly the banks fault that he withdrew money - you could however make him lower his daily withdrawl limit. Unfortunately some people just have to moake mistakes in order to learn from them. If you control his money then he will never learn how to budget or plan ahead.

TheDot

Just about to start my second year of uni....

This time last year I was in the same position as your son, I had this big overdraft (FREE) and I knew that I had three big sums of cash that were going in my account during the Uni year.

Unlike your son I was worried, I had already toyed with the idea of staying at home as financially this would have been more secure but decided to bite the bullet and try living out for the first year.

My parents obviously were as worried as me (esp due to the fact that a year earlier they found out that I had spent the little bit of savings that I wasnt supposed to touch!!!) and they sat me down and explained that I would have to learn to manage my finances.

So I sat down and created a simple Excel Spreadsheet of my predicted weekly/monthly/yearly income and outgoings - this included : LOAN PAYMENTS, JOB WAGES / RENT, COURSE FEE'S, GOING OUT MONEY, FOOD MONEY, STUDY MONEY, TRAVEL EXPENSE.

Doing this made me think about just how much I had coming in and how much I had going out, it told me what money I had left 'to play with' as inevitebly certain outgoings do pop up but...... it proved I could do it and put both my mind and my parents mind somewhat at ease.

With the weekly breakdown, I worked it out and knew I had £x amount a week that I could spend. I found that this amont would always be in the back of my mind, when I was at a cash machine i knew that this money was comng out of my weekly budget.

Obviously I went over this sometimes (a drunken withdrawl lol, one too many dvd bargains...) but I knew when I was and it made me a little more 'tight' with my spending the following week to get things back on track.

Now im sat here and can proudly say that 1. I had one of the best years of my life last year and 2. I went into my overdraft once by around £50 before a loan payment came and I got paid from work. 3. I afforded a lads holiday in the summer that was not budgeted for.

I dont know, maybe I got lucky as I know a few of my mates went into the overdraft quite a bit! But now I feel that I can manage my money- we all go out and spend too much sometimes but the people who survive are the ones who sort out the problem instead of ignoring it - in my case spending less the next week if possible.

Im am so glad for the simple Excel spreadsheet I created, its constantly being updated- a wage increase here, an extra bit of cash there, a bit higher rent - its all still there and im just about to start my second year.

So my advice to you would be- sit down and make your son aware of the financial situation he is in- he's got more than ever coming in BUT more than ever going out!

Talk to him like the adult he is on the verge of becoming, explain how you survive with outgoings and incomings and Id even suggest the both of you sit down and create a simple spreadsheet! You say he is good with computer design? Hell, if you can switch on a computer you can create a simple spreadsheet......

Trust me, this time next year he will thank you for it....

stellagypsy

Thanks for all the useful advice.

He is at work right now, I will collar him tonight and begin to talk to him in adult mode about his budget. He hates spreadsheets, although I expect like most other computer programmes, he would be a whizz at it if he would give it a chance. I found my copy of MS Money and I might persuade him to sit down with that and work it all out.

For his key skills maths last year he had to do a uni budget and he did it great. I was lulled in to a false sense of security becuse he was full of it at the time, working out how many weeks there were and how much money he would have each week.

It is a different story now he has actually GOT the money (so to speak), he has bought 2 PS2 games today, it appears he has discovered he can use his Electron card in Virgin megastore. ((

Thanks again to you all,

Stella
xx

juno

I think everyone goes mad when they first get a card, but after a while the novelty will wear off. Even if it takes having to eat beans on toast for the last 3 weeks as you can't afford anything else.

eco21

I went to Uni, and my parents left me to my own devices, they spoke to me about OD etc and how I need it or dont need it etc.

I went to uni, first couple of weeks, spent a fortune, went on weekend, team building things, days out etc. I spent this money and then knew beforehand Id have to make cutbacks elsewhere. I had a great time, meeting new people etc, that spending the 400pound wasnt a bad purchase as such.

I left uni, without takign any student loans on, im in scotland so fees are paid, worked three shifts, made £120 a week, lived on that, and used an od when i needed it, christmas, holidays etc, menat I have came out of uni with amazing friends that I meet on those fiorst few days, i knew the importnace of momney but wanted to meet people etc.

Id hate to think, I didnt spend the money in teh first few weeks, doind a,b, and c, and would have some money ion my pocket instead. Your son, will do fine, you are they to guide him, he'll appreciate taht, but let him experince University not go to Universoty

Robert_Sterling_3

Parents have 18 years in which to teach their children, by example or otherwise, to have a sensible approach to money management.
If you have not done this by the time they reach 18 then perhaps you have left it too late.

jezza1O1

hmm, I spent £40 a week in my 1st year at Uni and had a !!!! time. Over the Summer I spent a lot of time with friends who had come back from their first year and had got massively into debt but were full of amazing stories and full of life.

In my 2nd, 3rd, 4th year I upped my spending to £100 a week and had a blast! Got a good job and paid off my overdraft in 3 months and student loan in 3yrs (could have done it quicker but it made sens to keep the 'cheap money').

So whats my point... no idea. As said above, trust your son, talk to him like an adult, if he is living at home INSIST he contributes to running the house - hopefully he has been brought up to do that already. Show him love and affection (no he's not too old!), respect him, and he will do the same to you. Lead by example. Teach the value of saving and getting the reward.

Id also try to remember that he is an adult now and responsible for his own actions, im not a parent so cant pretend to know what its like to want to protect a child, but if you dont let him make his own mistakes he'll never learn - you wont be able to look after him for ever!

Best of luck! Remember you can only do your best and try not to carry his stress on your shoulders... !

se999

Hi,

A lot of these student budgetting things make it look like the spend is evenly spread over each week of each term, but the reality is different!!

Course books are mainly in week 1 & 2 of the first term, or week one of term 2, and they can be major items!!

If like my two's the 6th forms had a uniform of wearing suits everyday, they do need to get some more sensible clothes!!

If they join clubs/societies, again new equipment gets front loaded!!

If your son is working, does he have savings earning interest? In which case he could be keeping his cash there, and using the interest free student overdraft to his benefit!

So for budgetting we've found more cash is needed in term 1, than 2, and term 3 is the lowest. Also costs are front loaded in the first weeks of terms 1 & 2. So we do a weekly term time allowance during the year for the weekly items so that they don't run out of cash for food etc.., but extra cash transfers at the start of each term for the high expenditure weeks.

We did agree this pattern of cash flow with them, and they know that if they overspend they have to deal with it.

Hope your son enjoys his course and his time at Uni.

Edit - Just spotted the dyspraxia/numbers bit. Might he agree to just withdrawing a set amount of cash from the cashpoint on a set day of each week, then he can see the money he has, and knows that it must last him to the end of the week. Money for text books, give you could give as book tokens so it says what it's for. But he is an adult, so you need to negotiate with him how he wants things to be done. It is ultimately his responsibility now.

Savvy_Sue

Robert_Sterling wrote:

Parents have 18 years in which to teach their children, by example or otherwise, to have a sensible approach to money management.
If you have not done this by the time they reach 18 then perhaps you have left it too late.

In general one might agree but the lad in this case has special needs, including dyspraxia which gives rise to problems with numbers, so I think you are being rather harsh. Whereas most of us can adopt the attitude of "they're 18 so let them get on with it", where the child has special needs one may never be able to "let them get on with it", however much one might wish to do so.