How do you get over a miscarriage?

full-time-mum

Diamond78 wrote: »

I had to have the anti d injection, I never understood what it ment to be rhesus negative after the birth of my son. Does it mean there is something wrong with our blood? Is my sons blood ok?Sorry for the questions. Im a bit slow and find it difficult understanding things. My m/c was after my son was born but I dont think it was anything to do with my blood group.

Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with our blood.

We are all familiar with blood groups - O A B etc. As I understand it, the rhesus bit is just another constituent which some people have (rhesus positive) and others don't (rhesus negative). Most of us are familiar with the fact that, for a blood transfusion, it is best to have donated blood from the same blood group. Some blood groups are more accepting of other types than others. For example, O-ve is called the universal donar as it will be accepted by anyone.

The problem comes with a rhesus negative mother and a rhesus positive baby. The baby has an extra constituent to their blood (the +ve bit) and the negative mother's immune system will build up anti-bodies to this (to her) alien constituent of her baby. There isn't a problem with the first +ve baby as the mother has yet to build the anti-bodies but it would affect subsequent +ve pregnancies. I don't know how it works, but the anti-D injection stops the mother producing the anti-bodies meaning that a second +ve pregnancy isn't threatened.

During the pregnancy, the mothers blood and the baby's blood are kept separate by the placenta. However, during birth, miscarriage, an accident, amnio etc, there is a potential for the bloods to mix and hence the anti-bodies being created.

If both parents are rhesus negative then, I believe, the baby can't be rhesus positive so no problems.

shelly

So sorry for your loss OP.

Some days I think I am ok and have come to terms with both of my mc's......then I read a thread like this, and especially mrcows poem, and I sob like the world is ending!

However we cope with a mc at the time and in the following months I don't think we ever fully get over them (men included)
Mine happened in 2004 and 2006 and I think about them everyday.

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

Thank you all for the words on here. I have four lovely healthy children between 20 and 6. In between having them I have "lost" 4 babies - I'm 43 and lost my 4th last October - an unplanned pregnancy - but a much wanted baby - if only very briefly. I suspect I'm pregnant again (omg I'm ancient -but surprisingly common these days) however whether I am or not your words have made me smile and the poem was beautiful, I will acknowledge my "lost" babies and give them names and am now confident that they are waiting! Sorry if this sounds soppy but I feel blessed and I hope The One that never was feels the same comfort from all your kind words.
God bless you all.
xx

mrcow

I suspect I'm pregnant again (omg I'm ancient -but surprisingly common these days) however whether I am or not your words have made me smile and the poem was beautiful, I will acknowledge my "lost" babies and give them names and am now confident that they are waiting!

Early congrats if you do find out that you are expecting. I'm sorry about the baby you lost last October. It's never fair, especially when you know in your heart what a loving and happy family they would have had around them. If the news is positive, then wishing you a healthy pregnancy (and a full house lol!)

Floxxie

I've had 4 miscarriages - 1st and second trimestre and each one has been devastating. I can't agree with the person who says that our ancestors would have just have thought they had a late period! Miscarriage is a painful process, both physically and mentally and although it is apparently very common, I only know of one other person who has gone through it.

Also every baby starts off as a female and then changes at around 9 weeks to continue being female or become a male. If you can't have girls, then you won't be having a boy either.

Anti-D relates to your blood being a 'negative' and your child's being a positive. You are fine for your first child but it could cause problems in subsequent pregnancies and the anti-D injection stops these problems.

I just wanted to clarify a few things as misinformation can lead to people blaming themselves for what has happened and I don't think telling people that it was meant to be or not, helps either.

Getting back to the OP - you don't get over them. The pain eases over the years but as several posters have pointed out, they still think of their child years after it has happened. I do recommend looking at https://www.babyloss.com under the forum section. You will get a lot of support there and will find that 'talking' about it helps, just as it has helped those who have posted on this thread 'talking' about their losses.

Floxxie

shelly

Floxxie wrote: »

I can't agree with the person who says that our ancestors would have just have thought they had a late period! Miscarriage is a painful process, both physically and mentally and although it is apparently very common, I only know of one other person who has gone through it.

Sorry have to disagree with you.
Both of my miscarriages weren't painful physically at all. Obviously mentally they were as I knew I was expecting but not physically, unless your heartbreaking can be measured as a physical pain.

My first pregnancy, I started spotting at about 6 weeks, doc told me not to worry about it. I spotted for a further 6 weeks and when I went for my 3 month scan we were told the baby had gone at about 6 weeks.
Second pregnancy, again spotting at 6 weeks but as I knew what had happened before I went for a scan that day I started spotting to be told I had lost again.
I had absolutely no pain phsically with either loss. Not even "period like" cramping.

I was told by the hospital doctor that it is possible, even these days for a woman to be late, then have a heavy period and not know she has had a miscarriage.
I know for sure miscarriages don't have to be physically painful and they wouldn't be mentally painful if you didn't know you weren't expecting.

PeskyPenguin

And I have to disagree with you shelly and agree with floxxie!

I miscarried at 10 weeks and it was unbearably physically painful. I do not wish to go into details about the blood and gore in my bathroom but obviously we have to assume that between your 6 weeks and my 10, there was alot more to miscarry.

Lots of best wishes, OP x

shelly

PeskyPenguin wrote: »

And I have to disagree with you shelly and agree with floxxie!

I miscarried at 10 weeks and it was unbearably physically painful. I do not wish to go into details about the blood and gore in my bathroom but obviously we have to assume that between your 6 weeks and my 10, there was alot more to miscarry.

Lots of best wishes, OP x

Sorry if it seemed I was saying floxxie was wrong. I didn't mean it to come across like that, I was disagreeing with the bit she quoted about ancestors having miscarriages and not knowing and the bit about miscarriage being painful.
I was pointing out that not all mc's are painful and that it can happen that a woman be pg but not know about it at all, even when having a mc.


Womens experiences of having a mc are different, I just wanted to point that out.

PeskyPenguin

full-time-mum wrote: »

If you go back to our parents/grandparents generation, at 7 - 10 weeks, they would only just be beginning to think - oh, maybe I'm pregnant. If they then went on to have a period, then the prevailing attitude would have been, OK, false alarm.....

.......I can't speak from experience

Hi shelly, I know each is an individual process but the above is the quote floxxie was referring to and the one you were agreeing with. I can't speak for floxxie but I'm assuming she painfully miscarried in the same timeframe as me so this particular post stuck a chord.

Floxxie

I'm sure we don't want to get into a debate on who has/hasn't had a painful miscarriage...but needless to say that the longer the pregnancy the more painful the miscarriage is going to be because of the size of the baby.

My great, great grandmother was born in 1880 and suffered from 9 miscarriages - she obviously felt very strongly about them because she told her children about them and the information came down to my aunt who then told me. The point I was trying to make is that people then and now can know they are pregnant without having to wait until the baby moves and if they do have a miscarriage then it is likely they will know it is not a normal period -

and yes PeskyPenguin my miscarriages have been 9 weeks onwards.

Floxxie