Journey towards the light bulb

Frith

Hi, Wannabe sybil.

I have to say this thread is sending a chill through me! You seem to have no say at all about how money is spent in your house and nothing is in joint names. The child benefit is not coming to you either... You have asked why bills are not in joint names (and broken a few mugs!) but your husband has not done anything to remedy this situation.

As for.... "My OH has many good qualities, but he does not like to be asked things, and will not tolerate being asked more than once" - who on earth does he think he is???! You should be able to talk with your husband about anything you like and he should have the decency to listen to and answer your questions properly.

Who has complained that you are "not a very good housekeeper". Are you doing ALL the housework yourself?

And your dh is "not interested in eating anything that is in". That is also extremely odd behaviour seemingly making cooking as diificult as possible for you. Again, are you doing ALL the cooking?

You do seem to be having to "walk on eggshells" where your husband is concerned. :-(

Liz

wannabe_sybil

I'm quite pleased because I have just cancelled a grocery order that was due but we didn't need. OH is eating out tonight and so it is just me and my little bear I need to worry about.

On Friday I am going to sit down with a notebook and pen and plan the meals. My father has arranged to visit, although he is not always reliable, so I should allow for things like lunches and also plan lunches for my little bear. I worry that he doesn't get a lot of variety. I can work out what I can carry from the shops and what I need to order online, if anything. I can't drive, and I think more and more I should learn. OH would be happy for me to drop him off at work and collect him and I could then have the car during the day. However the costs learning to drive seem very high, then add insurance, extra petrol, further wear and tear (learner driver) on car...

So far I am resisting Lakeland and if I get a chance this weekend I will try and visit some pound shops or equivalent for food covers - the ones that look like lampshades covered by net curtains. I get to go out on Saturday afternoon while OH looks after bear so I can have a good browse then.

I still haven't found the forms I need - I know they are here somewhere! But I need to get all cleaned for when the man comes tomorrow about potential subsidence. I shall try and get it sorted tomorrow evening. Tonight, after OH has gone out, I shall try and get things put on ebay. That will help matters.

I really appreciate all the comments on here. Putting things in 'black & white' helps me to work things out, and it makes me assess the situation.

wannabe_sybil

I'm having a lot of fun (!) with plugs.

I have very conscientiously gone around the house and unplugged everything that I could. I keep getting moments when I wonder why the washing machine is not working or why the kettle hasn't boiled. Then I get moments when I am convinced I haven't unplugged the washing machine or the kettle and go down two flights of stairs - and find I did, or walk past the plugged in microwave and wonder how long it was plugged in for.

I have a nervous suspicion I will be unplugging the freezer next!

I need to try and work out a budget. So far I have been very ineffective at setting budgets, but I am determined that I will actually get somewhere, and posting on here is really helping.

Of course, it will help if I remember to unplug the computer when I am finished...

skint_spice

Here's a link to the child benefit website which tells you towards the bottom of the page how to transfer the child benefit http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/childbenefit/state-pens.htm hope this helps.

in2deep_2

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

My OH does not want to know about financial problems
OH is incredibly resistant to anything about money
I cannot get him to even sign a direct debit form for a credit card
But he does not like to be asked things, and will not tolerate being asked more than once
And I now pick my battleground with extreme care

Is a debt of less than 2k really your only problem.

i know its a bit harsh pasting all that together but as most people on here will tell you in order to make sense of your debts and make the whole thing less stressful you really need to work together.


BTW the last comment worried me slightly.

wannabe_sybil

I'm still having a lot of fun with plugs - all is very chaotic here as there has been men around seeing if we have subsidence (we don't) and now someone is coming out to see if there is a problem with damp from our neighbours affecting us.

Still struggling to see a lightbulb, I just feel so ashamed that I am struggling so much. OH earns reasonable amounts, last month he brought home over £2,000.

Credit card bill for me arrived today. :eek: What a wake up call.

I've made some decisions, which may seem a bit odd to those more expert than myself (almost anyone). I'm just hoping that this silly way round will help me sort things out.

1. Pay off the overdraft (we very nearly reach our limit each month). OH's pay seems to be a bit random as to the date it arrives. It is never late, but it is a very small firm so it is sometimes a little early because that is when the boss has some time on his hands. :rolleyes: Overdrafts are payable on demand and in this credit crunch I don't want to suddenly find it reducing or cancelled. Actually our overdraft is £1,000 and when I checked on line the Nationwide said that £3,000 overdraft was potentially available. I nearly had kittens! If things get awkward the last thing I need is to find bounced direct debits and charges. When we finish the month in the black, I treat myself to a pair of lantern moon knitting needles (nearly £20 :eek: but great incentive).

2. Pay off my visa. This has some 'cash advance' on it and I've never cleared the balance, so it is there eating up interest. APR for the purchases is 21.9% while the cash advance is 27.9% I'm fairly sure I only got out around £20, but it is sitting there and sitting there. It is also the credit card for my paypal account, so I shall have to be disciplined with that as well. Current balance £469.02. When that is paid off, another pair of lantern moon knitting needles.

3. Pay off my mastercard. APR 22.9% I put nearly £400 on it this month, and it seems to have completely got away from me. :eek: Now at £1,025.17. I think at least another £80 to go on. Again, once paid off I get another pair of those lovely lantern moon needles.

4. June is a minimum spend month. I buy only what is necessary - no treats, no little indulgences.

I am setting a limit on how much I pay for groceries - food, loo roll etc. I am setting it at £50 pw which seems incredibly generous after reading some of the things on this board and that is two adults, one little bear (my darling son) 18 months and a cat.

I am capping my spend on little bear at £50 per month - that's clothes, toys, nappies etc.

I am so ashamed of my spending. However, now I am back on antidepressants it may make it easier to resist the treats 'to cheer me up'.

I'm hoping to go away in September on holiday. I have already paid the deposit but I will need to pay a further £150 next month, and then the dreaded petrol and spending money. I can't see how I will have brought us into the black on the overdraft by then, but I hope that it won't set me back too much.

Thank you everyone who has posted, I really appreciate it.

Trillionaire

Love, how many pairs of knitting needles does a girl need?

wannabe_sybil

Trillionaire wrote: »

Love, how many pairs of knitting needles does a girl need?

Ooooh lots and lots and lots!

Actually, there are about four different sizes that I use regularly, and it would be lovely to have a whole set. In the past these incentives have worked for me. The knitting needles are a complete and unnecessary indulgence - perfect reward!

Just realised :eek: haven't defrosted meat for tea - and I can't pay for a takeaway again, I couldn't bare it! Logging off!!!

basketcase

I'm hoping to go away in September on holiday. I have already paid the deposit but I will need to pay a further £150 next month, and then the dreaded petrol and spending money. I can't see how I will have brought us into the black on the overdraft by then, but I hope that it won't set me back too much.

Presumably the holiday's just for you and your little bear? Otherwise I see an awful lot of 'I's and only one 'us'. If he's going, is OH contributing anything towards the holiday or overdraft? If not, why's he going? He doesn't seem to be interested in how the money's spent, so why run yourself down to spend it on him and his pleasure?

I am so ashamed of my spending.

I'm not saying you haven't made mistakes in the past - most people on here have, including me! So OH isn't responsible for and/or doesn't benefit from your 'shameless' spending? Or is it just that you're ashamed of your spending but he isn't ashamed of what either of you spend on anything?


Don't mean to sound harsh, but unless you're starving him to death, and he's working his fingers to the bone doing all the housework and child care to help you out, despite being completely naked (because you're depriving him of clothes as well as food!) and he's 100% penniless PLEASE STOP IT!! No wonder you're on anti-depressants! :mad:

Trillionaire

Wannabe S you buy as many knitting needles as you want but only every time you reach your goal!

I think that you are doing a great job of taking charge of your spending and you are heading in the right direction.

I think the other posters will soon realise that you don't want critisisms (sp?) of your OH:p , just help, encouragement and support to improve your financial life.

NOW ..... have you sorted out the child benefit and CTC? If NO, why not? Plus have you set up the direct debits for the bills on line yet? Get to it girl, come on, up you get, get them sorted. I will check later to see that you have:rotfl: YOU CAN DO IT