Journey towards the light bulb

in Debt Free Diaries
46 replies 4.5K views
I am struggling to get towards a lightbulb moment. I have seen all the posts on here and I am rather ashamed that I am coming on with so small a situation, but I hope you will treat me kindly and help me work towards a resolution.

My OH and myself do not owe much money. All money matters are left in my hands. My OH does not want to know about financial problems, and is incredibly resistant to any discussion. I do not have an income at all. I cannot get him to even sign a direct debit form for a credit card, which means that I have to always remember to send the money and we have had at least one late payment charge. :o

OH kindly took all the papers I was hoping to go through to work out where we were into work for the industrial shredder.

So, we owe around £1500 (not exactly sure, but no more than £2,000) on credit cards. We are always in our overdraft (overdrawn already) and that worries me. Only one, empty, credit card is with our bank. My reasoning is that an overdraft is payable on demand so it is more comfortable for me to get that dealt with first then the credit cards. The credit cards cannot 'help themselves' if we cannot repay one month. (At least, that is my understanding after reading this forum). I am scared to transfer money around credit cards, as I am concerned that I would forget when I needed to start paying etc. Our credit cards are, I believe, all around the 15% mark. Also, as I have no income it would be difficult for me to get a card and OH would not consider anything like that.

We have a small mortgage which is locked for two more years, which I think may be a blessing.

We have our electricity and gas with the same company and we are in debit to them according to their last reading - of over £200! I do not want to change suppliers until I have paid that down, and as I am not being charged interest on that, I am putting that at the bottom of the queue.

So far I have posted a very negative post. :o We are not in a desperate situation, but at the moment more money is going out than coming in. That is not a good thing.

So, things to do - get the child benefit in my name so that I have credits for National Insurance. I have missed out on over a year of this, disappointingly, and I would like the money paid into my account so that I can start to demonstrate an income. Also I believe there is something called Child Tax Credits which I may be eligible to receive.

Spend some time trying to plan my meals, rather than always relying on takeaways. This is a problem at the moment as OH is not interested in eating anything that is in. There is so much food wasted in this household it is obscene. I can control my food budget and I will.

Spend time putting things on ebay. I am sure that is time well spent.

Next time I am tempted to spend on non-essentials, to post here!

I am sorry if I seem very resistant to a lot of changes, but I think as I become more confident I will be able to try more.
Ankh Morpork Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons - don't let my flame go out!
«1345

Replies

  • dhassendhassen Forumite
    759 Posts
    your OH needs a kick up the ***! Sorry, but they do!

    DDs need to be set up..... force OH to have conversation....
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 784 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
  • wannabe_sybilwannabe_sybil Forumite
    2.8K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    dhassen wrote: »
    your OH needs a kick up the ***! Sorry, but they do!

    DDs need to be set up..... force OH to have conversation....

    My OH has many good qualities, but he does not like to be asked things, and will not tolerate being asked more than once.

    I plan to get it all filled in and then ask him just to sign it. It is frustrating that I have to do that, but I have tried letting him 'get on with stuff' and in has not had happy outcomes.
    Ankh Morpork Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons - don't let my flame go out!
  • GeorgeUKGeorgeUK Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    You are in an uphill struggle. You are the dealing with the money, but as you don't have a work-income can't get a creditcard to deal with this effectively. A Virgin Moneycard is probably what you need as you will pay 0% interest for 15 months.

    I'd suggest getting the paperwork in order and either phoning the banks to see how much you owe or use the online facilities, then you can have a 2 min chat with hubby about where you are financially and what you intend to do about it. He shouldn't complain about it if he knows he only has to make one application and you won't bother him about it for another year or more.
    After falling off the gambling wagon (twice): £33,600 (24,000+ 9,600) - Original CC Debt: £7,885.91

    Dad Gift 6k ¦ Savings & Inv Tst: £2,500
    Loan 10k: £0 ¦ Dad 5.5k: £2,270 ¦ LTSB: £0 ¦ RBS: £0 ¦ Virgin £0 ¦ Egg £0

    Total Owed: £2,270 (+6k) 11/08/2011
  • Mrs._IrwinMrs._Irwin Forumite
    161 Posts
    It doesn't sound like you are resistant to change, it's your other half that seems to have his head buried in the sand.
    Definitely get the child benefit paid into your name, and sort out tax credits, these should both be paid to you.
    Unfortunately, you won't be able to make much headway unless you can get your OH to understand what's going on and make some changes. You can't be responsible for his action, or inaction. Make sure you sort out anything that's in your name, first. Have your own account in just your name to pay child benefit/tax credits into. His behaviour is putting you at risk, so don't think that he can get away with anything just because he's bringing in the money - it should be an equal partnership, with different responsibilities.
    Kick his !!! into gear!

    Mrs. Irwin
    xx
    A penny saved is a penny earned.

    Grocery Challenge: September: £1.75/£200
  • wannabe_sybilwannabe_sybil Forumite
    2.8K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    :o I am sorry, I have to post and run, but OH is incredibly resistant to anything about money. I will get together more paperwork as it arrives and try and get the courage up to post an SOA.

    Thank you for your help
    Ankh Morpork Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons - don't let my flame go out!
  • tyllwydtyllwyd Forumite
    5.5K Posts
    ✭✭✭✭
    I think you are absolutely right to get the child benefit in your name if you are not working and OH is - it is daft to miss out on credits towards your state pension.

    The chances are that you are entitled to Child Tax Credit - you could try the form here to check
    http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/TaxCreditsandChildBenefit/TaxCredits/DG_073802

    About your credit cards - if you are finding it difficult to remember, why not get a calendar to write everything on. Then when a bill comes in, you can write the amount on the day when you need to pay it, so if you check the calendar every morning you will easily see what needs doing.
  • wannabe_sybilwannabe_sybil Forumite
    2.8K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    Thank you for all the replies.

    I don't want anyone to get the idea that OH is a bad person. He is just very tenacious, which can be a problem if he is being tenacious about not looking into financial matters. :rolleyes: He does work very hard for his family and loves our little boy to pieces. My experience is that I have to work round him. We have been married nearly 20 years, and I now pick my battleground with extreme care - he is just, well, tenacious.

    I seem to spend a lot of money on inessentials, and I need to stop, so I thought posting on here would help. For example, I desperately wanted a hand held vacuum. I am not a very good housekeeper :o and I struggle with keeping the stairs clean, and we have three flights of stairs. My previous vacuum was from Lakeland and worked very well until it started giving off flames, so I thought I would get one from there.

    Now, we are not in such dire straits as many, and £29.99 on a hand held vacuum is what I would consider an extravagance (dustpan and brush are less than £5 in so many places) but I consider it an acceptable extravagance. But if you spend more than £45 at Lakeland you get free delivery, so I ordered a bathroom caddy that I really, really wanted which was another £29.99. If you order more than £60 then you get a free gift. I was 2 pence short...

    So, instead of spending £29.99 on a hand held vacuum that I could just about justify plus @£4 p&p I spent £82 + :eek::o And I got some free pegs with flowers on them. At least I went through quidco.

    I'm hoping that posting on here will help me curb these impulses, and I am sure that I will get lots and lots of really good advice.

    Challenge before I post again - go around all of the house and unplug every single item that is not instantly required. Also, when I put the hot water heater on, put an alarm on my mobile phone for 30 minutes time and then go and switch it off.
    Ankh Morpork Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons - don't let my flame go out!
  • wannabe_sybilwannabe_sybil Forumite
    2.8K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    tyllwyd wrote: »
    I think you are absolutely right to get the child benefit in your name if you are not working and OH is - it is daft to miss out on credits towards your state pension.

    The chances are that you are entitled to Child Tax Credit - you could try the form here to check
    http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/TaxCreditsandChildBenefit/TaxCredits/DG_073802

    About your credit cards - if you are finding it difficult to remember, why not get a calendar to write everything on. Then when a bill comes in, you can write the amount on the day when you need to pay it, so if you check the calendar every morning you will easily see what needs doing.

    Thank you, I shall do so - and I have a small pocket calendar which I can start using straight away. I really do appreciate all the advice.
    Ankh Morpork Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons - don't let my flame go out!
  • GeorgeUKGeorgeUK Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    Might also be worthwhile getting a spending diary.

    Just write at the start of the month the totals for different essentials + bills that you know will be going out and how much you have left to spend on food etc. When the bills come in, you can score them off and adjust how much you have available to spend - but each day write down how much cash you withdraw and how much you spend on cards etc. Write down everything, even the occasional snack you buy. You'll soon see if there is anything you need to stop spending on.
    After falling off the gambling wagon (twice): £33,600 (24,000+ 9,600) - Original CC Debt: £7,885.91

    Dad Gift 6k ¦ Savings & Inv Tst: £2,500
    Loan 10k: £0 ¦ Dad 5.5k: £2,270 ¦ LTSB: £0 ¦ RBS: £0 ¦ Virgin £0 ¦ Egg £0

    Total Owed: £2,270 (+6k) 11/08/2011
  • bank_of_slatebank_of_slate Forumite
    12.9K Posts
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    My previous vacuum was from Lakeland and worked very well until it started giving off flames

    I'm sorry but that made me really laugh.

    Welcome to the forum, you'll get loads of support here even if your other half isn't supporting you with this matter.
    ...Linda xx
    It's easy to give in to that negative voice that chants "cant do it" BUT we lift each other up.
    We dont count all the runners ahead of us & feel intimidated.
    Instead we look back proudly at our journey, our personal struggle & determination & remember that there are those that never even attempt to reach the starting line.
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