Journey towards the light bulb

wannabe_sybil

I've tried keeping a spending diary in the past, but been unsuccessful.

In the past I have been trying to track money spent on groceries, but if OH does pick up anything I never find out how much it is.

You will read lots of overt and implied criticism of OH in my posts, but really he is a good man, who will stick by his family come flood or fire. After all these years there are bound to be a few little wrinkles.

I think I shall revisit the spending diary. It must be worth while trying, if only to monitor certain categories of spending.

I have been round and unplugged everything that I could find that wasn't actually being used. Then I put the kettle on... Just remembered that I didn't unplug it again This may take a little getting used to but I am sure that it will make a difference.

Just had a delivery of groceries. This is something else that I am going to have to consider carefully. If I go to a supermarket then I get tempted by 'bargains'. If I shop on line I am less likely to be tempted by 'bargains'. But there is a delivery fee and a temptation to 'stock up'. If I shop during the week I have to only purchase what I can carry in the pushchair. It is a very long walk to the nearest shops selling a variety of food and I am a bit timid when it comes to taking my little bear on the bus. I don't want to ask OH to keep buying groceries - it isn't convenient for him and he works very hard, he doesn't always spot offers and he has a few blind spots. But I could save the delivery fee by going out and shopping myself - I am very unfit and the walk would do me good especially now that the weather is getting better...

If dithering made money I would be a millionaire!

Challenge before posting again - to have a clear out of the cupboards so that I know what is in them and can more easily cook from scratch at home. It may be a while before I post again

wannabe_sybil

Haven't cleared out cupboards but I have thought of something to make from stores already in that might tempt OH appetite.

We have a huge lump of beef in the fridge that I am going to have to throw out! I am so annoyed. It has been cooked then some eaten and the rest ignored because OH has lost his appetite. But when he was asked to bring in something for tea he brought in this huge piece of beef, which we were always going to struggle to finish! I don't even like beef, although it turned out okay.

I seem to have a compulsion to spend, which I don't understand. I have just bought some fizzy pop from the corner shop, and we have a great deal in already. Now I am fighting the temptation to buy wool to knit a sweater - but I am not even half way through the sweater I am currently knitting and I have a plethora of craft projects just queued up and looking at me! I feel as if one day I will wake up under an avalanche of projects from knitting to sewing - all of them half finished. But I really am struggling not to buy this wool! I don't understand it. I think I fear that the offer that I would like to take advantage of would end, or that later on that I wouldn't have the money. But I don't have the money now, and if I put it on my credit card (which I would be doing because I want to clear my overdraft) I would have even less money in the future!

I have learned a great deal from posting on this site. Unfortunately willpower does not seem to be one of the things learned.

This is a very long post. But it has helped clarify where I am.

Next challenge, forget the cupboards, get the paperwork for Child Benefit and Tax Credits sorted.

Tustastic

Hi Sybil :hello:
Have you looked at http://entitledto.co.uk/ to make sure that you are getting the benefits that you are, well, entitled to?
Good luck with the spending diary and the storecupboard challenge. It takes six weeks to turn something into a habit, so just keep trying every day and you will start to make an impact.
Lots of people do grocery shopping online and never pay for delivery because they get vouchers for it off the boards here - look over at the freebies area.
You obviously love and value your OH - it's just in the budgeting department that you get frustrated with him. Just plod on with getting your own spending gradually under control - 'be the change in the world that you want to see' as Gandhi said.
Even if you don't feel comfortable posting it on here as yet, this
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html
is a brilliant format for setting out your Statement of Affairs (SOA).
Oh, and join some of your local Freecycle groups so you can ask for domestic items the next time anything breaks down - just google Freecycle.
Good luck and keep posting.:)

GeorgeUK

Hi sybil

Good to see that you have an idea how to tackle some things now, but you may need to change that lightbulb. It seems to be flickering a bit.

You need to make sure your new aim is not to save money, but also how not to spend it. It's kind of like the difference in men and women shopping. A woman goes shopping and she'll see things going around the store that is needed for the house. A man goes to a shop for some milk and bread - he comes out with milk and bread. You need to put the blinkers on an stay focussed. If it is something that you use often and is not perishable, then buying in bulk or taking special offers is ok - otherwise don't do it. Just because you can save money in purchasing it doesn't mean you will make a saving.

Right - lecture over.
Put in the the new energy saving and money saving light bulb
And get ready to put on those blinkers (on special offer )

Tustastic

Good post George - though on my planet, men who go out to buy milk and bread come back with milk, CDs, DVDs and all manner of electronic gadgets!:D
Anyone for toast?;)

wannabe_sybil

Thank you so much for posting - yes, I shall certainly check out 'entitled to'.

We have had a very difficult twelve months with bereavements, redundancy, a new baby (well, he's now nearly 18 months), a small inheritance, new employment on variable rates for OH, money coming in and going out and sloshing around so that I have just not been able to work out where we are. When OH wrote off the car I nearly cried.

After paying for the last four months of unexpected bills I am hoping that things will subside. When I say unexpected, we had been unable to find someone willing to insure an elderly moggie, so her final few months, while very precious to us, were expensive! I would have paid any amount, of course, but unfortunately our poor Moggy had to be put to sleep.

I think GeorgeUK is absolutely right - how to stop spending! We do not need a lot of items for the house (well, actually, I can think of about a dozen without any effort whatsoever but we can manage without them for the moment). I am sure that if I crack that then I will do very well.

I think the image of a flickering light bulb may be just what I need, to hold that in front of me whenever I want to spend.

Also, if I post on here before I spend then I shall have time to reflect and consider whether I should or not!

Thank goodness for MSE

Ongoing challenge - sort out child benefit and child tax credits.

tallyhoh

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

My OH has many good qualities, but he does not like to be asked things, and will not tolerate being asked more than once.

I plan to get it all filled in and then ask him just to sign it. It is frustrating that I have to do that, but I have tried letting him 'get on with stuff' and in has not had happy outcomes.

I would not tolerate having to ask more than once, tell him it works 2 ways.:mad:

miserly_mum

You keep telling us how hard your OH works and how he'd do anything for his family. Yet he can't take 30 seconds to sign a Direct Debit form, nobody is THAT busy!!!

Can I ask if you have joint accounts or is everything in his name? Also why is the Child Benefit in his name? I know it can be to either parent but I don't know any couple where it has been paid to the Dad.

Sounds like your OH doesn't want you to have any money of your own.Yet he's quite happy for you to deal with Money Matters when it suits him. How does he expect you to deal with the finances efficiently if you have no idea how you stand financially or have any say in how the bills are paid etc?

He should be delighted you are trying to save HIM money not being awkward about it. Which BTW is exactly what he is. being......awkward not tenacious

As far as tax credits go, you can fill in the forms yourself to be paid into your bank account. However he will need to co sign the application form (so I wouldn't hold my breath on that one if I was you)

wannabe_sybil

I did get a bit upset when I found out that it was all in his name.

Actually I got a lot upset and smashed a lot of mugs. All the mugs were his - and they were his favourites. I wish I didn't feel so good about it.

But he has said he is willing to get it all sorted out. He will, I'm sure sign the papers if I put them ready just for his signature and stand over him . OH just can't bear dealing with financial matters and the only time I managed to persuade him to make a joint visit to a financial advisor he was extremely, extremely stressed. I don't take him shopping, either. If I smash anything there I would have to pay for it.

I could make a case for OH being dreadful - all the debt is in my name, all the savings in his, but he is very good in many ways and when you read some of the dreadful situations some women are in I know that I am not so badly off at all. We do have a joint bank account, which he never checks, I have access to his online banking, which he never checks (yes, I do it for him) and he never questions me about things I buy for myself.

Speaking of buying, I have just resisted buying something on ebay and I am really proud. I was looking at a bundle of clothes that would fit my little bear, and I nearly, nearly bid. Then I considered that I couldn't fit all of his clothes into his large chest of drawers and wardrobe, and thought that perhaps I could wait until he had grown out of some of them. :rolleyes:

I do appreciate all the advice, though, and I really appreciate the links and the suggestions.

ETA the child benefit is paid into the joint account but any NI credits would have gone to him as it is in his name.

Welshlassie

First rule of debt. Pay your debt off with any savings you have. It is highly likely that the savings you have will be earning a lot less interest than the debt interest you are paying.

You can then use the money you were paying to your debts to rebuild your savings.