difficult situation re children

emma12345

yes

Yes I do V_tricky. A charity involved with the care and protection of children brought up the stats last week. I'll try and find the name and the link for you.

And to repeat what I said (or try and say it better) this is not about a battle between dads and the PWC who is usually the mum. Make it into a battle and that's when things usually disintigrate, solicitors become involved, everyone gets angry and bitter and the children lose.

Trying to keep it friendly for the sake of the children, being generous with your time and help, not many hard put-upon parents with care would be unfriendly with an ex who appears to have their and their children's best interests at heart.

BTW this is not a men/women thing - 'parents with care' these days are increasingly dads as more mums are following the trend of walking out.

It's the toughest thing in the world and I accept not always possible but going the extra mile for the sake of the kids rather than making it into a angry war, making the sols rich and destroying your own life has to be better for the sake of the kids.

Also having known a lot of single parents (mums and dads) in the past I would say most are looking for love, support and attention for the children from their ex OH. I've only come across one case where a mum was being vindictive, it's rarer than you think despite what the media says but that's a discussion for another day!

All the best,
Em

dipsy

The biggest cause of absent dads (and mums) losing all contact with their children is because of their hostility and nastiness towards the parent with care. Might not be fair but it's the truth.

Oh please. Do you have any evidence to show that this is in any way shape or form true?


I can state truthfuly that my partner has not been nasty towards her, (she is the PWC - by default as she took the children this was never discussed and no formal legal arrangement in place), has tried his best to be level with her, but she will tell him when he phones that the kids are busy playing and not to be disturbed, when asked to tell them that he has called she doesn't, so the children are unaware that he has been in contact.

She leaves them to play in the park on their own unsupervised, in the car whilst she goes and does her food shop, moves the goal posts about when he can pick up/drop off and goes mad at him if he runs 10 minutes late to pick /drop off - bearing in mind its a 10 hour round trip

I guess there isn't going to be an easy answer to this one at all.

Thanks for all your input, you have all been very helpful and have printed off the parenting plans and will have a look at them this evening.

x

dipsy

Feel like screaming ....

partner due to have children this coming weekend, his ex has then stated she wants him to have the children fri - wed as she has no childcare and its 1/2 term.... no problem in that itself other than he can't get them back for Weds - transport issues. the origional arrangement was pick up Friday back for Monday.

He offered to keep them till the following weekend if she would come and pick them up as he couldn't as again no transport.

She said she would come saturday at midday to pick them up about an hour away from us and he was to pay the fuel cost.

she then phoned him first thing this morning whilst I was on my way to work ranting and raving again, he was in the car with me and i could hear her yelling...

I don't really know what I am asking other than to have a rant myself.

she swears down the phone , at him not me, and I find it all very upsetting although I guess it has nothing to do with me.

My ex (my childrens father) and I are always reasonable and accommodating so I find the whole thing hard......

anybody got any suggestions other than go live on a desert island :-) x

something_girl

This just sounds like my absolute worst nightmare.......

are you getting anything out of this relationship, other than grief?

Sorry to be blunt, but by god, life is short, you must be a saint to accept all this nonsense.

Lizalu

I'm sorry to hear that nothing's improved. When my OH's ex rings and I answer, she just puts the phone down on me straight away and rings back 30 seconds later (hoping that i've passed the phone on to someone else). I've taken to ringing her back and asking if she got cut off accidentally....:rotfl:

On a serious side, in my experience, there's not much you can do but grin and bear it. It's very hard but if you're certain you want this relationship you have to put with the awkward ex. Rant on here, to your friends but try not to let it come between you and your OH.

Marker_2

Just out of interest but how long have they been apart and why did they break up in the first place.

basketcase

no

"The biggest cause of absent dads (and mums) losing all contact with their children is because of their hostility and nastiness towards the parent with care. Might not be fair but it's the truth."

Actually it's a HALF truth IMHO. The biggest cause is hostility and nastiness BETWEEN THE PARENTS. Sometimes it's towards the PWC, but often it's instigated by them. The Parent with Care is also the Parent with Power and unfortunately - and all too often - they wield the power of access simply to hurt the other parent. They don't seem to see that scoring points (which makes it a bit like playing a game) hurts nobody but the child.

I do agree that, whoever was responsible for the break up and no matter how bitter they feel towards each other, it's essential to be friendly as parents - even if you can't be friends.

LondonDiva

Go to a solicitor / the CAB now. Why are you & your partner letting this degenerate so far?

bestpud

dipsy wrote: »

She said she would come saturday at midday to pick them up about an hour away from us and he was to pay the fuel cost.

When I first read that, I thought it was nothing to moan about as he will be travelling a lot less than he would have. But then I wondered if she is expecting him to pay her travel costs as well?

If so, tell her to stroll on!!

She needs you to have the children, as you know, so the chances if her not going with it are small to say the least.

Sounds to me like she is taking your oh for a mug!

Talking about legal advice because he couldn't make it one weekend??? That stinks of 'you do it my way or I will stop you seeing the children'. She cannot stop him and by the sounds of it, she wouldn't want to anyway - she's just stamping her feet and wanting it all her way.

I'm all for being amicable for the sake of the children but being assertive is not the same as being aggressive or arguing for the sake of it. Keep calm, stick together and tell her to seek legal advice as you'd quite like something in writing too. And, remember she wants him t have the children - her actions have proved that, so don't fall prey to her idle threats!

Gosh, I can see why you are angry! What is it with people? They are children, their children, and it makes me so angry to see them being treated as pawns. :mad:

galvanizersbaby

Dipsy

As Marker says how long have they been separated? - it certainly sounds as though this lady is bitter towards your O/H for some reason?