Advice for impending caesarean?

mrbadexample

Counting_Pennies wrote:

In the run up help towards making food for the freezer, or remind her to get her favourite ready meals in for the freezer. Buy her the string pants (I recommended earlier) a fantastic invention.

Afterwards, I would say be there for her. If she doesn't have a partner to help her, offer to pop round to make an evening meal. Clean and iron (if that isn't your thing rope someone in who can). Offer her the chance for time out, I remember feeling liberated getting out for an hour on my own to pop into the shops a few weeks after the birth while my hubby looked after my baby. Be about when she wants to have a sleep and offer to hang about in house while baby sleeps so she can too.

I also felt very vulnerable (wobbly and faint) on the first few days and nights I got home, so if you can be there as much as possible that too will help.

Encourage her to meet up with other new mums to share experiences.

Also writing a feeding baby/drug chart for mum works a treat. You are very disorientated when you get home, so writing down what time baby ate, had a nappy change, mum had her drugs and what they were is a really helpful thing to have.

Doing whatever you can to be supportive, it sounds like you are already.

Grateful for this, but think you may have missed the "I'm a really blokey bloke" comment? I can't cook, cleaning and ironing's easy enough, but not sure if she'll let me. The string pants sound like a good idea.
It's a tricky situation, because I'm not the Dad, so I've got no input, if you know what I mean. I'd like to help her, but don't want to be intrusive, so very unsure of exactly what I can do: what's appropriate, what's likely to be appreciated, etc.
I don't understand women at the best of times (what man does? :rolleyes: ), so this is really difficult for me. She's been messed about a lot (obviously), and I don't want to add to it. I like her, and just want to help where I can.

Anyone got a magic wand?

jellyhead

can you wash up? i was on my own when my first was born and a couple of my male friends (i was at uni when i had my baby, it was a mostly male uni and all but one of my friends were male) used to come round and do my washing up. one of them could cook spag bol but the others would order a takeaway. it was all much appreciated! one friend came round and had the baby for an hour or so while i went to sleep, he didn't do nappies though, he'd wake me up for those

Savvy_Sue

jellyhead wrote:

can you wash up? i was on my own when my first was born and a couple of my male friends (i was at uni when i had my baby, it was a mostly male uni and all but one of my friends were male) used to come round and do my washing up. one of them could cook spag bol but the others would order a takeaway. it was all much appreciated! one friend came round and had the baby for an hour or so while i went to sleep, he didn't do nappies though, he'd wake me up for those

I'd echo jellyhead's comments, especially if you stick around for the long haul. It wasn't so much immediately after the birth, when you tend to get a fair few visitors who can be roped in to do stuff, but when the kids were older, I would sometimes hit tea-time, realise that I could not cook before washing up, but the kids were desperate for food, and phone a friend (male) down the road who would come and rescue me with his washing up skills.

Can you talk to your friend and tell her you want to support her, ask what she'd appreciate and let you do? I mean, you're going to have to say something when you give her the string knickers! :rotfl:

mrbadexample

Savvy_Sue wrote:

I'd echo jellyhead's comments, especially if you stick around for the long haul. It wasn't so much immediately after the birth, when you tend to get a fair few visitors who can be roped in to do stuff, but when the kids were older, I would sometimes hit tea-time, realise that I could not cook before washing up, but the kids were desperate for food, and phone a friend (male) down the road who would come and rescue me with his washing up skills.

Can you talk to your friend and tell her you want to support her, ask what she'd appreciate and let you do? I mean, you're going to have to say something when you give her the string knickers! :rotfl:

Thank you both. Yes I can wash up! I guess you're right, asking her might be the best move! Incidentally, what the hell AM I gonna say when I hand over the lovely attractive string knickers? :think:

Let me know if you get any more ideas! :T

Gingham_Ribbon

If she has swollen ankles, she might appreciate a foot rub! It depends on the level of frienship as to whether you'd both be comfortable with this, but I can assure you that when I was pregnant I'd have let the postman do this for me without batting an eyelid!

I agree with all the above, particularly about asking her. If she says she can manage, being around and calling often can let her know that you really mean it and are not just being polite. Certainly, after the birth, she'll be in real need of it.

I was bed bound most of my pregnancy with my son and a male friend was my guardian angel. He'd turn up through the day occasionally, help me get my shoes on and drive me to the cafe at the bottom of my street, or a bit further if I could manage it. I was so gutted about missing autumn that he took me for a drive round to look at the leaves changing colour! I wasn't well enough to get out of the car, but it was one of the best autumn days I've ever had. (What might not be a big deal to you may be for her.)

She might need help getting together bits and bobs for the baby. You could help her shop, or pick things up for her. Housework and cooking are all great things to do for her, but there are so many other things that are important. (Even just company on those days after the due date when I wanted to hit anything that moved!)

The guy who helped look after me was there when I went into labour, was one of 2 close friends who held my son the day he was born (36 hours later) and is his godfather now. And once, he nipped out to the supermarket in the evening to buy disposables when the nappies hadn't dried in time!

It sounds like you're the kind of friend she needs.

Lesleyi_2

I had a c section 3 years ago, as I had a huge fibroid and c section was the only way birth was going to happen! My top tips (some already mentioned)
Get seriously huge pants! those paper ones were cutting in and were awful. You can chuck them out later.
My babies birth was video'd (not the actual c section, I hasten to add, but a head view of me chatting away, my side of the screen as it were) so I have on film me holding a new babe, smiling, oblivious to my tummy being sorted afterwards. with music playing in the theatre. I treasure that video. - My hospital didn't mind the camera in the slightest. They get it quite alot.
Having a new baby is exhausting, never mind recovering from surgery.
No-one has time to cook properly and it's so important you eat properly.(espesh if you are breast feeding) My Mother arrived one day with a ready made roast, veg and gravy jug.What a godsend. If anyone asks you what they can do I suggest they bring you round a ready cooked meal, and politely clear off. You do not want endless visitors in those early days.
All the very best, ...Lesleyi

PetuliaGristle

Hope I'm not too late but I wish we'd taken in a camera when I had my c-section to have piccies straight after the birth. mbe I agree be there for her afterwards. For the first couple of months my dd wanted to be with me all the time so any help should be very much appreciated.

mrbadexample

Thanks all!
And I'm going nowhere bl**dy near with a camera! (Her mum will be with her in the hospital, we're not THAT close!).
Just have to let her know I'm on standby if she needs owt, I guess. :whistle:

Gingham_Ribbon

Pictures on the big day are a GREAT idea. Because I had a general, I was unconscious for our first cuddle AND his first feed. My mum cleverly took a snap of him snuggled in the crook of my arm while I was asleep. I still have the oxygen mask on but it's my favourite picture of the 2 of us together. Because even though I missed it, I've got a 'memory' of it to look at any time I want.

Gingham_Ribbon

Wow! Sorry! I started posting this then got sidetracked looking at my photos. Pictures a bad idea then? LOL