Hypno's "bursting with energy" diary.......

mizmir

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

Have already done housework and i am bored now!

You can come to mine BOB - plenty of housework still to do here!

ampersand

mizmir wrote: »

You can come to mine BOB - plenty of housework still to do here!

##################
....on which note it's time to regurgitate my fave oldie:
'My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance'.
-and, picking up on the b/b providers' theme, mot em'd this to me the other day.
It's genuine.

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in the UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat !!!! waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles(might have to phone a friend for these) for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are - it seems - also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme. Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration'(tut-tut, The Land of Misplaced Apostrophes takes no prisoners)s in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were poop, that they had attained the holy !!!!-pot of godawful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of !!!!!!!s you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - !!!!!!s though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of !!!!!.
John

   

elantan

wow i wouldve hated to have recieved that ...hey hypno and all hows things? hope your good

boredofbeingathome

ampersand wrote: »

##################
....on which note it's time to regurgitate my fave oldie:
'My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance'.
-and, picking up on the b/b providers' theme, mot em'd this to me the other day.
It's genuine.

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in the UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat !!!! waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles(might have to phone a friend for these) for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are - it seems - also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme. Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration'(tut-tut, The Land of Misplaced Apostrophes takes no prisoners)s in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were poop, that they had attained the holy !!!!-pot of godawful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of !!!!!!!s you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - !!!!!!s though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of !!!!!.
John

   

Oh my God, who can i send this too? I have not stopped laughing for the last few minutes.:T :rotfl: :rotfl:

hypno06

hypno06 wrote: »

hmmmmm collapsed under the housework more like

Today's plan:

• [strike]play a paddypower game thing[/strike] now waiting for bonus to be credited
• [STRIKE]karate course for kids[/STRIKE]
• [STRIKE]go to MiLs for tea[/STRIKE]
• ski this evening (kids, not me) - never got this far!
• [strike]find a car boot sale for tomorrow[/strike] found one - late start too
• [STRIKE]sort stuff for a car boot sale[/STRIKE]
• [STRIKE]go to post office for change for float[/STRIKE]
• [STRIKE]collect a package[/STRIKE]
• [STRIKE]mini supermarket shop[/STRIKE]
• [STRIKE]2 loads of washing[/STRIKE]
• [STRIKE]
• half an hour of ironing (small token effort!)
• [/STRIKE]Hope you all have a good day xx

What a long day!! Got everything done that I set out to do, except get the kids skiing - left MiL's too late and children were more keen to help me sort out stuff for the car boot when we got back, so I am not complaining!

I am setting myself a target of £50 profit at the car boot - I hope I don't come away with much less than that.....and hopefully with a bit more. But you can never tell with these things can you

I am hoping that this will be the start of the de-clutter that I really need.....part of me quite fancies a go at minimalist.......perhaps a skip is needed :rotfl:

The new karate arrangement means that it is worth me keeping it on for the moment, and also less running around for me and the children by having less group lessons and more 1 to 1 instead, which should make us all less tired and stressed. Their coach was really really good and could see the predicament we are in regarding trying to do too much, so was happy to help out.

Ampersand - love the letter :rotfl:

mizmir - I think you should get the email - why not ring CS and ask them.....PP are normally fairly good about these things in my experience!

BOB - good luck if you get to do a car boot. Fingers crossed for the weather!

mizmir

Well done on a very productive day! Hope the weather improves for the car boot. Good luck on meeting your target. I have to say having spent most of today blitzing minimalism sounds very attractive!

Am off to make the bed now so I can fall into it..... g'night all.

hypno06

I am a bit worried - it is gone 11pm and suddenly I have the urge to do housework........

meaning either

• I have drunk too much coffee and it has caught up on me...
• I am bonkers
• I will work all night and then be too tired to do car boot tomorrow
• I will go to bed and regret not taking advantage of the urge
• I am actually 9 months pregnant and "nesting"
• all of the above
• some of the above
• none of the above

Snaggles

Grasping at straws maybe, but I hope it's the pregnancy thing!

I do love a good 'giving birth' thread, and we haven't had anyone posting while in labour for aaaaages.

boredofbeingathome

Or you are addicted to MSE!

me too

hypno06

Snaggles wrote: »

Grasping at straws maybe, but I hope it's the pregnancy thing!

I do love a good 'giving birth' thread, and we haven't had anyone posting while in labour for aaaaages.

Get the jaffa cakes in :rotfl: