SOA Advice - OH leaving

Poosmate

Evening all, I'm back!

Hope all's going well with the talk Alibi. Keep it together girl and be strong. And most important, remember that even though you and your other half have decided not to be committed to each other you are BOTH still committed to a huge £107k debt.

You both must understand that to walk away from this as unscathed as possible financially you have to keep talking and you have to be fair.

I re-read your opening statement and you state that you ploughed what you earned back into YOUR business. Does this mean the ex paid the mortgage for the last 6 months? This could be very important if things get nasty and solicitors are involved.

If he is adamant that the house is sold immediately then he's not only forcing you into up to £11k debt (on top of what you already owe) but himself too. What worries me is that you say you've invested £15k into YOUR business if he can prove he paid the mortgage and you can't prove you contributed he may try to claim half of the value of your business too! That would mean he could walk away with a £3.5k debt + solicitors costs. Please tread carefully. Don't know if you're married or common-laws but I believe the law is pretty much the same nowadays.

Can you tell I went through a really messy divorce?

Don't mean to scare the living daylights out of you but break-ups are never easy especially when property and debt are involved.

Can't really advise much more until you know what you are doing. Then we can all work out a plan of action or two for you to choose from.

Best of luck

Poo

(Note to self: Poo, talk about paint, freecycle, families, birthdays/Christmas, vouchers) if appropriate.

MrsTinks

I know where you are coming from with the nags I'm a 4th generation horsey person myself and I'd loathe the idea of selling a horse if I had one... Infact I'd love to know I could afford one! You're coming up to the summer which is a far easier time to find loan homes for horses in all honesty. Check at your local feed merchants and tack shops - most have noticeboards and will let you put a notice up. Make sure you vet the homes obviously but I don't doubt you would!
The older horses I would consider retired apart from the odd gentle hack maybe depending on age and health - would someone take one on loan as a companion to their horse? Or if you manage to rent out the younger ones then maybe keeping the 2 elderly ones won't be too bad especially as your mum is paying for one of them.
I have to say that I am a little concerned with the £1200 income too mainly because things COULD go downhill with the business and then you'd have no income... at least a lodger would help a little with a regular income And if you pick carefully the company could be nice too

Poosmate

I must go to bed now. I hope all went well with the talk tonight (erm last night!).

Please keep posting. You will get so much advice from these forums. You've done the hard bit and heard the stuff you didn't want to but needed to hear. I'm sure that if we all put our heads together we can come up with something and hopefully that will mean you get to keep your horses and dogs (family) AND your house even if you have to let them go for a while.

Best of luck to you and I'll be back tomorrow night after work.

Poo

(Note to self: Poo, talk about paint, freecycle, families, birthdays/Christmas, vouchers) if appropriate.

Snugglepuss

Hi Alibi - Sadly I really haven't got time to post much right now cos I'm supposed to be getting ready for work :rolleyes:

I just wanted to let you know I totally understand - am in same boat but ex (still friends) moved out 6 months ago, so I've had a bit of time to get my head round stuff. Happy to help / give you my story but can't at the mo (no time) - all I will say is don't try to do everything NOW. I know you've got a difficult financial position and all that - but with all the emotional stuff going on at the moment you need to give yourself time to deal with that before you can worry about everything else. Don't rush into major long term commitments right now - e.g. taking in a lodger - cos you don't know what else may occur once your head's settled down. It's just not possible to think through all the options sensibly at this stage in the process - your head's in a complete whirl. There may be some other completely sensible option that you just haven't thought of yet that will help. And if there isn't, I'm not talking about ignoring this stuff for ages - I just mean give yourself at least a week to try to get your head settled. Otherwise you could commit yourself to something in a panic that you look back on and regret in 3 months time.

Probably not explaining very well - but will try to come back & post again later (lunchtime or this evening if I can't do that). Feel free to PM me direct if you want anything / I can help.

Gotta fly now so take care!

Sx

Alibi_2

Just wanted to pop by with a quick update, bit busy today!

Talks with EX went well, he's going to contribute 1/2 of the dogs costs by setting up a standing order. He's paying the mortgage this month and has offered to help next month so that he doesn't have to move his stuff out asap, which will really help as it will give me breathing space to make some serious decisions. He doesn't want / not pushing me to sell the house and would rather his name comes off, but is being very good (at the moment - lets hope its lasts) and understands I'm in a difficult situation.

Still wainting for advice of my autie (letting agent & she has a mortgage advisor too) hopefully she'll call today.

All my family have been great, above auntie has booked a day off when I'm off to help paint and do some house stuff, and my sister has offered too.

Good news is that someone is part loaning one of the horses, agreed this monrning, keeping him at my yard, even better!:D so an extra £15 per week!! really lovely person too!:D one down one to go!

Poosmate - even though he paid the mortgage, I still paid all the bills, everything was 1/2 & 1/2. With the business it was just the profits that I have been ploughing back in, hence why I've only been taking between £400 - 700 wages per month, from May I'll be taking £1000 (more if possible).

More to follow later - really must go!

Poosmate

Hey Alibi, that's excellent news so far then.

At least, as you say, you have a bit of breathing space, if only for a month or two although that doesn't mean we can rest on our laurels.

It's also great that your family have offered to help with the house stuff (I can cross paint off my "Note to self" now! lol.

Be back later to see how you're getting on.

Good luck

Poo

Alibi_2

Firstly I'd just like to thank everyone for their support, its fab to have such a place where you can be given so much help x

Well so much has happened in the last 24 hours, we have sat down and talked, talked and talked some more.

I'm a bit apprehensive to say that we are going to give it another go, however, I am going to continue getting my finances as straight as possible just in case this situation comes up again (hopefully not). I am going to become a regular on DFW! All this has made me realise that I seriously have to grow up and take control of my life, we now have to take control for our future. Money being one of the major strains on the relationship is going to be tackled head on. Spending diaries here we come!!

I'd like to thank everyone once again, I feel like a fraud coming on here, especially as everyone has been so nice.

Thank you x

Merlot

Alibi wrote: »

Firstly I'd just like to thank everyone for their support, its fab to have such a place where you can be given so much help x

Well so much has happened in the last 24 hours, we have sat down and talked, talked and talked some more.

I'm a bit apprehensive to say that we are going to give it another go, however, I am going to continue getting my finances as straight as possible just in case this situation comes up again (hopefully not). I am going to become a regular on DFW! All this has made me realise that I seriously have to grow up and take control of my life, we now have to take control for our future. Money being one of the major strains on the relationship is going to be tackled head on. Spending diaries here we come!!

I'd like to thank everyone once again, I feel like a fraud coming on here, especially as everyone has been so nice.

Thank you x

I'm so pleased that you have decided to give it another go. You needed help and still do financially and that's why DFW is here, pop on anytime and we will do all we can to help. Why not pop up a joint SOA and we can make suggestions to reduce your outgoings.

(Remember, and this is not popular with everyone, try and put some money aside without your OH knowing, its an emergency fund, just in case, I have one and I'm very happily married and have been so for 12 years, but you never know!).

Wishing you the best..

Merlot.x.

Alibi_2

Merlot wrote: »

I'm so pleased that you have decided to give it another go. You needed help and still do financially and that's why DFW is here, pop on anytime and we will do all we can to help. Why not pop up a joint SOA and we can make suggestions to reduce your outgoings.

(Remember, and this is not popular with everyone, try and put some money aside without your OH knowing, its an emergency fund, just in case, I have one and I'm very happily married and have been so for 12 years, but you never know!).

Wishing you the best..

Merlot.x.

Thank you Merlot, I have my own ISA (under £100 in there at the moment) so may start putting any leftovers in there then when possible a regular amount.

Will definitely be posting a joint SOA once we have sorted a few other bits out.

Thanks again x

MrsTinks

Alibi I'm delighted that you have decided to try and give it another go and more so that you have realised that you still need to sort things out regardless!
Definitely get spending diaries up and running, use Martins budget tool (I like the excel one ) and keep track of where stuff goes. Why not join the £1 or £2 coins savers challenges? Put anything you get in coins into your saving box and once in a while bank them all

Don't be a stranger though