SOA Advice - OH leaving

Merlot

Alibi wrote: »

Its hardly a great lifestyle, getting up at 5am every morning just to turn the horses out and muck out before work, with working the hours I work at the minute I hardly ever ride. I rarely go out, rarely, if ever, shop for clothes, shoes, handbags,etc like most women, I rely on birthdays and Christmas for essentials, then I've just got in from tucking my horses in bed and walking the dogs.

Its also my exercise and a way to relax, much cheaper than a gym!

Hi and welcome to the board.

I think you are going to have to look long and hard at your situation, you have a limited income and numerous outgoings, you are going to have to make some difficult decisions, otherwise you are going to get deeper into debt, I know this is not what you want to hear, but it is unlikely you are going to sell the other house soon, especially in the current climate.

Ooh, "I don't go shopping for bags and shoes like other women either", and I have no debt now, you just like me have to live within your means, and for me that means no bags and shoes, you are going to have to make some difficult decisions, but something has got to give.

My apologies, I'm not being harsh, I am simply telling it the way it is, I became debt free because I and my family gave up alot and we still don't have a great lifestyle, but we are happy, I don't want to see you on this board in a few months posting its got worse, do something about it - the high insurances, every little helps, and I'm only telling you for your good, I want you to be able to keep the house and maybe one horse, but something has to give, don't let it be your home!

Merlot.x.

Alibi_2

Merlot wrote: »

I know this is not what you want to hear

No, I do need to hear it, that's why I posted.

With everything that has happened this week I am so confused and everyone is really helping, even though some of it I'm not liking, I have to start to be realistic.

I so want to keep the house, it will be difficult to sell, I'll still be left in debt and won't have the chance to buy again for a long time.

I know the horses and dogs are a problem, I am trying to loan 2 of the horses out and only put the ads up on Saturday so its early days, so will give this a shot before thinking of selling them (fingers crossed it does), unfortunately 2 of them can't be sold as they are too old (one my mum pays for anyway).

Hmmm so much to think about, going to sleep on it, speak to ex to see what he says about the animals then see where I am.

Thanks to everyone x

Merlot

Alibi, I am so pleased you took my post the way it was intended, repaying debts is difficult and I and others have had to give up alot, I am pleased to read that you are thinking about your situation. Remember, you are not alone, we are here to help you, it may feel as though the situation is getting worse before it gets better, but you are on your way to becoming debt free, and its a lovely feeling not to owe the likes of the evil credit card companies money. You will also feel much better off in January when one of the loans is repaid, you may even get to buy a pair of shoes;)

The only other bit of advice is, to seek legal advice regarding your spilt with your OH, it may all seem ok and friendly just now, but 6 months down the road, it could be a different tale.


Sleep well.

Merlot.x.

Poosmate

Hi Alibi and welcome to DFW.

I hope your split with OH remains amicable, it is possible - my best friend is an ex from 12 years ago!

I'm sorry to say but the sad fact is, unless you can "part loan" one or more of the horses very soon you may have to lose at least one of them. As they are competition horses could you not completely loan them out for a set period (12months?). At least you retain ownership of them but not the costs of keeping them?

Regarding the house, I would strongly advise you get the house valued as soon as possible. If OH starts acting up at a later date and insists the house is sold at least you have a figure as to what he is entitled to now. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask him to pay for half of the mortgage payments as it's in his interest as well that the mortgage is paid. Surely he can't want the house sold being in negative equity by up to £21.5k? It means he starts his new life with an £11k debt round his neck! It could be worse though if he doesn't keep up his half of the mortgage payments and you can't make them, both of your credit records would be adversly affected. (There! Just knocked £275 off your monthly outgoings).

ok, so you have made the house habitable for you and ex-OH but as the value seems quite a lot lower than the mortgage, is there anything else you can do to add value to the house? Remember that whilst/if he's paying his half of the mortgage he will be entitled to more if the value goes up so you should get another valuation as soon as he stops paying his share.

Let's project to Feb 09 for a minute and assume that ex-OH has continued to pay his share of the mortgage, as you will have just made your last payment on one of your loans you will be £216.37 better off - would now be a better time to make that financial split? You could look into doing a Transfer of Equity (I did this with my ex) I think I did it before I remortgaged and got a mortgage in my own name (sorry can't remember all the ins and outs it was about 8 years ago).

Anyway, back to the present, you really need to start taking a proper wage from your business and try to get in a lodger asap!

Hope your ex is true to his word and helps out with the dogs (even if it's just for a few months) and hope he sees sense in protecting his investment and pays half the mortgage too until you are in a position to take it over.

Hope this helps

Poo

Edit: Der! Silly me! With the house in negative equity he won't be entitled to anything anyway except half of the negative equity debt! Ideally you could do with getting rid of that. Can you make overpayments to your mortgage and ask ex to match them?

Double edit: I got loads of thoughts but need to go to bed - I'll come back after work tomorrow. (Note to self: Poo, talk about, paint, freecycle, families, birthdays/Christmas, vouchers).

TurnaroundSue

How much would you get for each horse you sold? Maybe this is the way of getting out of debt and paying your mortgage on your own, so the split with OH is done sooner rather than later - although not sure where he would stand as you are in negative equity? Does he have some responsibility towards that - if you had equity in the house then he would be entitled to his 'share' so surely he must be entitled to his 'share' of the loss?

bandraoi

The extra debts that were put on the mortgage, maybe he could take some of those on, transferring them to an unsecured loan in his own name and giving you the lump sum to reduce the mortgage?

tyllwyd

Alibi wrote: »

Rent would be a similar amount. Moving back with parents is possible but I would like it to be a last resort.

Both loans are mine, one finishes in January the other I've still got to check.

If rent would be a similar amount to your mortgage, it seems a bit daft to rush to sell because you'd just end up with an extra loan for the negative equity to pay on top of your living expenses. If you've got dogs I guess that going for something very cheap like renting a room in someone else's house wouldn't be practical, so it's between staying where you are and moving back home?

Once one of the loans has finished next year, that will make life easier. Have you found the paperwork for the other loan? Maybe you could get some breathing space by consolidating the two loans and bringing down your monthly payments (which I know is likely to be a more expensive option etc, but that's one of the few things on your SOA that looks a bit flexible).

Another thing to think about maybe is your self-employment - £1200 for a 70 hour week isn't great money. Is getting a new job an option at all?

Alibi_2

Thanks for all the replies, its been great to get some feedback.

Poosmate - you're obviously horsey, so you'll understand when I say unfortunately these are not competition nags (my last ones were but they have passed away), they are very green 7 yr olds who can't even canter in the school yet, mainly because I've not had time lately to do anything with them due to work.

If I could find an experienced home, quiet yard (they've lived at my yard since they were 5 months and never been apart) who would take them for 12 months, would have to go together ith lots of turnout - i'd consider it but what's the possibility of finding such a home?

I'm also speaking to my auntie later who owns a letting agency re: lodgers and valuations. I think a lodger may be the way to go.

TurnaroundSue - I'd rather sell the house rather than the horses unfortunately. And yes I presume he'd be entitled to his 'share' of he loss too.

Loan 2 is 6.9% for another 38 months:o if only I'd been more sensible when I was younger.

Tyllwyd - I only started the business 6 months ago so its still early days, hence the long hours and low pay, its been a great success so far, so I'm wanting to stick with it, so far I've been ploughing everything I make back in to stock, now that the stock levels are good I can ease off spending and just maintain it. I've also put £15k into the business so another reason for wanting to stay with it.

Sitting down with ex tonight so hopefully we'll be able to clear some of the issues up (and use lots of tissues up too )

hypno06

good luck for the talk with ex-OH tonight........be strong!

Alibi_2

hypno06 wrote: »

good luck for the talk with ex-OH tonight........be strong!

Thanks - I'll try, the split has become reality in my head now, much quicker than I thought it would so hopefully tonight I won't just sit there and cry, I've got a note pad I keep with me all the time now and make little notes about stuff we need to sort out because I keep forgetting so much!!