Uber Rant. Partners not sharing goals, etc

tbsouth2004

i have your sight in goal as in I know what you mean my partner shares none of mine at all if he earns 300 pound he spends 299 pound of it keep at it i,m trying but it,s hard when your other half won,t take part or as mine is does not care

superpup

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

To be honest, I've just spent 20 mins looking at some of the other posts on the forum (ie Batgirl), and realise what a whingy little turd I must sound like. There are so many people with actual 'problems' on here, rather than minor gripes.

It's all relative. Everyone's entitled to a whinge.

I know I've become the archetypal patriarchal 'I control the money' stereotype. I do get a buzz from surprising my missus with little surprises now and then. We went to hong kong last year ( I thought it would be nice to have a big blow out thing and then a couple of years scrimping), and I send her flowers at work sometimes just to say I love her, (it's more fun when it's not a birthday or anniversary, cos then she gets a surprise).

Actually, I'm starting to think you're entitled to a bit of a whinge. You could move the money wherever you wanted and do all the shopping forever if I got treats like that. Do you ever put it in context... 'I've booked this holiday with the bits I've saved from ....'?

I'm also aware I refer to it as 'my' money...I must stress thats just a linguistic habit - I must stress that I see all my income and my wifes income as 'our' money. I don't have a problem with that at all (and my wife is aware of it), but when I type, I fall into the habit of saying 'my' (sorry)

Forgiven

We don't wan't for anything, really. It;s more "if we can do things slightly differently with little effort, but claw back a few quid, we shoudl do it"

Does that make sense? I don't think I'm explaining it terribly well.

It does make sense but maybe your wife thinks you're getting a bit over zealous with the money saving and doesn't want you treading on her toes. I'd just carry on quietly with what you're doing. She may see the value in it at some point and join you, but you can't force it.

GreyPilgrim

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

*but* are you talking about you doing the shopping? cos over a couple of quid or so that would annoy me(what I can't even do the bloody shopping you so intent on money saving - oooo I might spend too much!!! ( i can be dead annoying and childish) , can't your wife have a cashback card of her own to use? or be a co sign on yours?

Hi Buff, no not at all.

99% of the time we do the grocery shopping together (I kind of enjoy arguing over toilet rolls hahahaah)

Initially I said that rather than her pay the grocery bills from her current account, I could pay it from my credit card (and hence get the cashback)

I think she has got comfortable with having a certain amount in her current account, and then gradually being aware of what is coming out everytime we do a grocery shop...shop by shop. Make sense?

The only difference with my suggestion is that we use a different card to pay it with. That card now earns us cashback. So instead of the grocery money coming from her current account, it now gets charged to my account. She can then put the money that she would 'usually' spend throughout the month on groceries (which is now being taken up by me and my cashback card), into the bill account, which would in turn be paid into the credit card account.

A tiny bit of extra administratice effort on my part, = a couple of extra £ per year.

Sarahx

Hi there!,

Come do my shopping and I'll pay you cash for the Shopping and extra for doing + petrol!!:rotfl:
Then said lovely wife can have the little control she has and do the shopping!!

Maybe it's a big issue for her because she gets ideas for what she wants to cook (I would hate to have dictated to me by what was in the cupboard).
Maybe it's also an issue because she might think you will go out and gets lots of really cheap/reduced stuff (no prob with that btw) which saves a few more quid a week.

Maybe divorce is WAAAAY more expensive?

Maybe you could go together?

Maybe (if you're anything like my ex - though I doubt it) you will insist on doing it then make out to all and sundry that you do 'EVERYTHING'!!! (dig at my ex not you!!)

Go give her a cuddle and sort it another day, life's too short and somethings are more important!!

Good wishes to you x

Zebedee69

Just remember one thing...............................

"Save on things so you can spend on good things"

Maybe take your wife out somewhere nice and let her do the shopping. Hey maybe if you book a hotel you can have some nookie instead of looking up the good stuff on internet..... lmao!

GreyPilgrim

superpup wrote: »

It does make sense but maybe your wife thinks you're getting a bit over zealous with the money saving and doesn't want you treading on her toes. I'd just carry on quietly with what you're doing. She may see the value in it at some point and join you, but you can't force it.

I totally appreciate that. The thing is, I'm a nerd at heart, ok? I'm bloody useless at dealing with the day to day things like my daughters boyfriends crisis, where in the garden to stick that bloody azalea, whether cream paint will go with a burgundy carpets etc etc etc, and so I deal with the things I CAN do without too much effort, ok!!!!!

My wife told me she was happy for me to deal with the finances, and apart from heavy lifting, it's the only thing I'm good at (apart from the lurrrrving thing, of course)

Our daughter is away for the weekend, maybe we should discuss this like grown ups in a child-free, pink-lit, haagen-dazs type environment....

dannynixon

At the risk of been shot by women from the forum, what is she whinging about?

It is not like you are going out to do the shopping while she is at home and she will just have to eat whatever you buy (Smartprice toilet rolls, Smartproce readymeals etc, lol) but she will still have entire control of the shopping. Its madness. I don't get women sometimes.

I appreciate this may be a little off topic but hey. One thing my gf does with money that really infuriates me is that I get paid monthly and pay the majority of the bills. She gets paid weekly and draws the majority of her wages out of bank. We hardly ever have cash in our account because of this so interest is non-existent. I ask her why she does it and she says so that she knows how much is left. Really, I don't think she can be bothered to get the laptop out and check bank lol

GreyPilgrim

Zebedee69 wrote: »

Just remember one thing...............................

"Save on things so you can spend on good things"

Maybe take your wife out somewhere nice and let her do the shopping. Hey maybe if you book a hotel you can have some nookie instead of looking up the good stuff on internet..... lmao!

Again guys, we nearly always shop together...it's really just a case of what card it goes on....hers, and we don't earn cashback. Mine, and we do. It's a piddling amoubt but it all adds up.

I think a way around it would be for me to pay for the groceries on my card, and then for her to pay off the card the next day for the amount we spend. That way she gets control of her finances the way she likes (ie she sees her groceries spends leaver her account the day after we buy them), but we also get the cashback.

Sarahx

I ate smartprice toilet rolls once - they were yuk and burnt in the microwave!!:rotfl:

dannynixon

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

it's the only thing I'm good at (apart from the lurrrrving thing, of course)

haha, quality