My house of cards has come crashing down

mountainofdebt

Thanks Bismark -love the signature btw!

When I said debt is a stigma I meant that there's no way could I admit (even now) to my mum the level of debt we're in and I couldn't admit to my closest friend either.

The ironic thing is I never actually hid the statements from him - it was almost as if I WANTED him to find out.

Am going to play the next couple of days by ear - if I can show him in the next couple of months that I can sort out a couple of the cards then perhaps he will learn to trust me again. Fingers crossed eh?

MrsTinks

Why don't you show him what you have done to try and fix it? Show him the budgets, the repayment plans, how you've stuck to them, how you have been working to fix this...
No-one is perfect and if this was so important (which in fairness it was... ) then surely as it's his business shouldn't he have checked??
Could writing him a letter explaining things help? That way you can tell him everything you want and how much you love him and how sorry you are for getting into this mess... but without giving him the chance to work himself into a rage again and you reacting to it...
Hang in there and let him come to terms with things... it must be a shock to him in a way to find this and more than likely although he should have checked he feels like he's been lied to.
But ultimately a good point has been made... no-one has died! Everytime something seems to get on top of me I play a song by Alan Jackson that I love but it's very very sad... it reminds me that it's just money, or it's just a bit of extra weight etc... Look it up: Alan Jackson, "where were you when the world stopped turning" Or there is a video on uTube...

Sleep tight...

kizzykizzywizzy

mountainofdebt wrote: »

A couple of hours on and I think temperatures are beginning to rise, although I can't get it out of my head that I'm being led into a false sense of security.....perhaps last night was the initial reaction everyone talks about ....I don't know - only time will tell.

Thanks everyone for not being judgemental - I really did need you guys especially as debt seems to be the ultimate stigma these days.

Kizzykizzywizzy - can I just ask how you managed to clear so much debt so quickly?

Sorry only just back on here, went to bed as tired!
As for debt clearance, my Husband got a secondment to the Royal Fleet Auxillary, which means he's away from home ( at sea ) haven't seen him since begining of Feb, but the money is good. I didn't have any loans, just a £2K overdraft & credit cards, which I moved to 0% cards, Virgin was only £5 a month min payment, so concentrated on getting rid of overdraft & just paid the min on this card whilst doing so. I managed to save by cutting my food bill to a minimum, planning meals around what is on offer or in the reduced section, not wasting anything, even I don't fancy whats in the fridge having it anyway, no takeaways, cut down alcohol.
No holidays, only cheap / free days out with the kids, always take a packed lunch, no meals out, wait for films to go to kids club cinema as then only £3 for all of us to go.
Quidco has earned me a lot, by renewing my car insurance through them, I got £130 cashback from prudential, & free green flag, so cancelled AA & saved £11 a month & the insurance was cheaper, keep checking as always some deal or other, also getting £90 cashback on Contents insurance.
Free bingo sites, made about £57 from them, not a lot I know, but some people did really well with them, & every little bit helps.
Have done a lot of comping, won a few small cash prizes & free £50 faith voucher, so bought myself some boots in the sale, some prizes have been used as presents, some sold on Ebay.
Also freebies come in handy sometimes, have a look on the freebies board, have had washing up liquid, coffee, fabric softner etc, usually get a money off voucher with the sample too, which is a bonus.
Got a part time job as a catering asst as fits in with school hours & have 2 children.
I also had an ISA, which I didn't know I could cash in, I got £12K from that, so really I have saved £8k + my rainy day savings.
Sometimes it was dire....paid loads out on cards & didn't really leave enough to live on for the week, but managed, & as my Husband gets paid weekly, it was for only a few days at a time. This hasn't been without sacrifices as it has been awful being apart for all this time, he finishes in July, when he'll be back to crap wages, so just had to go for it! He's reapplied, not sure whether he'll get in again as took 2 years originally to get in, but if he does, next time will be "for us" not the banks!
Take care & sorry to waffle

hypno06

I hope you manage to make good progress over the weekend. I will be thinking of you xx

Bismarck

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Thanks Bismark -love the signature btw!

When I said debt is a stigma I meant that there's no way could I admit (even now) to my mum the level of debt we're in and I couldn't admit to my closest friend either.

The ironic thing is I never actually hid the statements from him - it was almost as if I WANTED him to find out.

Am going to play the next couple of days by ear - if I can show him in the next couple of months that I can sort out a couple of the cards then perhaps he will learn to trust me again. Fingers crossed eh?

Cheers, re the signature ...kind of summed it all up really...it's what we do when the cr*p flies that defines us.....

If we dwell on our errors and mistakes we'll just consume ourselves in guilt and depression...

Understand re your mum and friends....which is bizarre as you'd feel they'd like to be able to help but telling them seems a last resort - and of course you have to make out that everything's OK while living a "value" lifestyle and not giving presents cos you simply can't justify effectively borrowing money to pay for them.

I'm off for a few days camping with kids but I hope things go well for you....

phantom9999

if you are behind with PAYE/income tax/VAT payments you can try ringing the number on the last piece of correspondence you got from them and ask if its possible to set up a payment plan - depending on the amount due and monthly payments you make they may/may not agree depending on who you happen to get when you ring. You have to do it yourself as HMRC won't do it through an accountant, and while you pay interest on the overdue money at least it should stop the letters demanding instant payment.

mo1_2

hi i hope your fellin better,i just wanted to say that i dont think you should take all the blame for debt,im sure you have both spent,even tho he might have had his head in sand,sorry if this is wrong..mo

Buffythedebtslayer

Hey Mountain, I just wanted to bump this up and see how you were doing

No one knows about my debt, it would terrify my Mum, I hope Hubby has calmed down a little and you have made some progress.

take care hon

xx

Jenna

Hey there,

Hope things are a little calmer now with your OH. If nothing else at least he knows now, you can work through this together. It will take time but at least you're not on your own now and you can talk to him... or you will be able to when he's calmed down anyway, I'm sure.

Let us know how things are! xx