My house of cards has come crashing down

mountainofdebt

he's gone to work this morning and didn't say a word to me, not even goodbye, .........and he's only done that when when we've had a mega mega falling out.


I feel so sick this morning - I just don't know what his next move is going to be.

We're supposed to be going out tomorrow evening and I know him being him he will want to go because we've said we'd go but given the nature of the event I'd rather not if we're going to pretend there's nothing wrong (couples have a way of picking up on these things don't they?)

To be honest I wish he would rant at me ...I could cope with that - its just that when he's slient I don't know what to say to him.

feedumall

oh dear and you have all day to worry now,hugs to you ,if you need someone pm me ,i cant give any practical advice but i'm a great listener,life can be :mad: sometimes.

hypno06

As TTMCM said earlier, OH WANTS you to know just how angry he is, so by going out without saying a word, he is doing exactly that.

It will be a big shock to him, but once he has had his "space" then speak to him, sit down and tell him what you are doing to get out of the mess and ask for his help/support, all the time acknowledging that you have messed up and you are sorry for it, if you could turn back time etc etc etc.

boredofbeingathome

Hopefully a plan of action will be in place, and he will start to talk to you. I agree with HYpno above post, it will get easier.
keep us informed. Bobx

margaretkb

Hi there
I really sympathise with you - I am £23,000 in debt and haven't the courage to tell my husband.....I know I'm living on the edge as he could find out at any time but I just can't bring myself to tell him. He is really good with money and I've always been crap ( a counsellor said lots of people use the words good and bad when talking about money but it doesn't mean you are a bad person if you are 'bad' with money....) I think he would react in the same way as your OH - or he may even shout and swear as well which makes him sound awful - but he isn't - he just takes money really seriously and would feel so let down by me. As someone mentioned your OH may just be letting off steam - if you were to show him a payment plan (at the right moment of course!) he might see you are serious in sorting it out - this is what I intend to do when my time comes...I hope it will all slowly start to settle down now - at least you don't have this big secret anymore - it's a real burden to carry...
Maggie
My debts: consolidation loan A & L : £5,083, cards: MBNA £4909, MBNA £2,138 MINT £2842, M & S £5609, Morgan Stanley £2505 - have just taken out goldfish card 4.9% for 36 months am going to stick as much debt on that as cheap loan for 3 years - am too scared to get into consolidation debts again

margaretkb

Hi there
I really sympathise with you - I am £23,000 in debt and haven't the courage to tell my husband.....I know I'm living on the edge as he could find out at any time but I just can't bring myself to tell him. He is really good with money and I've always been crap ( a counsellor said lots of people use the words good and bad when talking about money but it doesn't mean you are a bad person if you are 'bad' with money....) I think he would react in the same way as your OH - or he may even shout and swear as well which makes him sound awful - but he isn't - he just takes money really seriously and would feel so let down by me. As someone mentioned your OH may just be letting off steam - if you were to show him a payment plan (at the right moment of course!) he might see you are serious in sorting it out - this is what I intend to do when my time comes...I hope it will all slowly start to settle down now - at least you don't have this big secret anymore - it's a real burden to carry...
Maggie
My debts: consolidation loan A & L : £5,083, cards: MBNA £4909, MBNA £2,138 MINT £2842, M & S £5609, Morgan Stanley £2505 - have just taken out goldfish card 4.9% for 36 months am going to stick as much debt on that as cheap loan for 3 years - am too scared to get into consolidation debts again

mountainofdebt

Well he's come home (that's something!) and is being at best civil to me - at worst ignoring me.

It's like an elephant is the room and nobody is mentioning it.

kizzykizzywizzy

I feel so sorry for you, I wouldn't know where to start with books, so at least you've tried, for that you should be proud.
I hope you've both had a chance to give the elephant a pat & talk things through & that he starts to understand that you were just overwhelmed by it all - also, Never go to bed on an argument;)
It sounds melodramatic, but my Mum died in her sleep, what if her & my Dad had had a row, he would never have gotten over it. Easy to say, but it's only money - no-one's died & hopefully if he comes onboard & you get help from an accountant you'll be ok
Good Luck & i hope you don't feel so sick now.
Margeretkb - is there no way you can tell him? I think you'll find there are/have been a lot of people on here in a similar situation to you & I think most of the hubbys/wives have an issue with trust, rather than the debt itself & feel almost like they've been cheated on, I really do think honesty is best, but I know I'd be terrified in your situation, I know my Hubby would be very annoyed to put it mildly & he's the spender !
Take care

mountainofdebt

A couple of hours on and I think temperatures are beginning to rise, although I can't get it out of my head that I'm being led into a false sense of security.....perhaps last night was the initial reaction everyone talks about ....I don't know - only time will tell.

Thanks everyone for not being judgemental - I really did need you guys especially as debt seems to be the ultimate stigma these days.

Kizzykizzywizzy - can I just ask how you managed to clear so much debt so quickly?

Bismarck

Thanks for the update.

Do you feel any better in yourself...have you got past that sick but don't know where to put yourself feeling?

"debt seems to be the ultimate stigma these days." I thnk you're over-doing it there...if you can get back to the real you as a result of this , this could be a result for both of you...I know holding a bomb like this inside you is hard work, self-destructive and depressing...and lonely!

Take a look in your mirror, tell yourself it's out in the open and that you will fix it together.

Enjoy breathing the free air again...

Have a great weekend...