student living @ home - how much is fair to contribute?

pinkfluffybabe

I didnt hand anything in when I was studying and my parents paid my tuition fees. I wasn't 'leeching' off them, it was their choice.

I worked the weekends in a supermarket, and used this money to pay for my car, clothes, going out etc. I rarely used the home phone, was rarely in and only paid the internet as I was the one who used it.

After a couple of years away from home after uni, I now live back with my parents and hand in £100 per month. I still pay for the internet and chip in a bit extra towards the bills. I also do the shopping some weekends. This is all my parents want from me - they don't need the money to keep me in the house, so they would rather I saved it towards a mortgage than paid them extra.

I know some poeple on these boards might think this is bad etc, but its the way my parents want it and everyone is happy with the arrangement.

ben500

pinkfluffybabe wrote:

I didnt hand anything in when I was studying and my parents paid my tuition fees. I wasn't 'leeching' off them, it was their choice.

I worked the weekends in a supermarket, and used this money to pay for my car, clothes, going out etc. I rarely used the home phone, was rarely in and only paid the internet as I was the one who used it.

After a couple of years away from home after uni, I now live back with my parents and hand in £100 per month. I still pay for the internet and chip in a bit extra towards the bills. I also do the shopping some weekends. This is all my parents want from me - they don't need the money to keep me in the house, so they would rather I saved it towards a mortgage than paid them extra.

I know some poeple on these boards might think this is bad etc, but its the way my parents want it and everyone is happy with the arrangement.

I wouldn't say it was bad, the most we can expect from our children in such a situation is that they are prepared to and do when possible contribute what they reasonably can, and I know certainly in my case (I have five from 11 to 28) that when I can see that they are putting the effort in to help themselves I am far more willing to chip in and support them if they cannot or will not put a reasonable effort into supporting themselves I see no reason in helping them out and re-inforcing the mentality that they are owed a living by anyone and everyone as so many youngster seems to feel these days including one of mine! If you are stashing the living expenses saved for a mortgage deposit then all power to your elbow.

ben500

venace wrote:

I think charging your child to live with you while they are still in education is abit unfair, id be abit ticked off if i had to work in uni, and then work a job, and then not have enough money to enjoy myself cause my parents took it, when you probably dont even need it. But im a student so im baised

It is exactly this kind of attitude some of us try to discourage in our "children" as posted above the chances are if your at uni you are already an adult and therefore should understand with the vast array of educational resources available to you that life not only sucks, it costs too! I personally received no financial help from my parents whilst going through adolescence, not because it wasn't offered but because I was capable of providing for myself albeit a meagre existence at the time and there were other siblings left at home unable to do so and I felt my parents responsibilities lied with them rather than myself, it did me no harm whatsover yes at times I went without at times I felt desperate but I learn't the value of money and possessions and the reality of telling the difference between wants and needs, so many youngsters these days cannot distinguish between the two and feel that anyone in their immediate family circle who are in a better financial situation than them are obliged to distribute what they perceive as EXTRA income or be considered miserly or uncharitable, I'm afraid in my household you would have found yourself given the choice of contributing fairly or get your own place and wake up to how much it actually costs others to provide for you whilst you to lord it up "enjoying yourself" rather than remaining at home as a burdon on the family's resources. Perhaps I am wrong in this belief perhaps I am right, certainly in my experience all but one of five children fully understand the difference between needs and wants and the necessity to be able to provide for yourself rather than expect others to do their providing and worrying for them, If they NEED help they will ask and receive it if they WANT help they will ask and sometimes receive but at all times they understand that before giving that help they will have to demonstrate to me that they have first tried to help themselves and been unable rather than unwilling to do so. You go to university to benefit yourself in the future or is it your goal to spend your youth educating yourself to such a standard you are going to provide for your parents in their twighlight years. If the latter then I suppose all strength to you, if not then why should your parents suffer after I presume working all their lives providing for your needs as a child in order to give you an easy few years through uni, take a look at what you are expecting and the reasons for doing so and ask yourself just how those two words I have highlighted in your text look to someone else particularly a parent.

I have never met another parent by the way that has charged their child anything near the actual cost to the household of that child! Far from it in my experience parents charge an average of about 30% because they feel guilty charging more but for most have to recoup some of the massive losses to the family budget the coming of age of that child causes.

Rant over

dsk1980

I agree with megsykins. I am a money advisor at a large University, and see a lot of students who really struggle. If your family can afford it, wouldn't it be better to not charge your daughter anything, but suggest that as she doesn't have rent and bills to pay, that she takes out less than the full student loan, that way you are helping her to start adult, working life with a lot less debt.
I know that's what I would have preferred.

jaymac_2

My daughter started working at 16 and was scandalised when i insisted she paid us £25 a week. She's just decided to go to college and when I offered her £25 a week towards bus fares and lunches she thought I was really mean.

My other daughter is off to uni and I'm ( well, husband too) paying tuition and hall fees at least for the first year. She's taking the loan for day to day expenses. Next year I'll be retired so we'll rethink the situation then.

jr666

Stevenj214 wrote:

Obviously if you can leech off of "mummy" and "daddy" then you're a much better person than people who can't.

What the hell does that mean? A much better person?

as for leeching, if parents are in the position where they afford to give their children money at university why shouldnt they?

purplegirluk1

I stayed at home for the three years I was at uni. I didn't pay any rent to my parents and I worked for the first two years, I had to stop working in the third year because I had so much written work to do and couldn't keep on top of it as well as work. I did however pay for all my food etc, cook for myself, wash and iron for myself, tidy and clean etc.

I paid all my own fees and only had to have assistance from my parents when the uni said they would not let me complete my degree unless I paid the outstanding bills!

I had to apply for a hardship loan every year whilst at uni as my parents were unwilling to contrubute any more than they had. I personally found it really hard to manage with a student loan and the money I got from a few hours work. Most of my loan went towards my fees so I now have an overdraft to pay off, I did have a credit card as well but that was the first thing I paid off when I graduated.

All I can say is that if parents are able to help their children then it really is appreciated. I had help but my parents are far better off than others who had to apply for the hardship fund and I feel it was wrong for them to make me take that money that could have gone to people who really needed it.

I have graduated now and am still at home. I work and am paying £100 a month rent which I know is very little but I still buy all my own food etc. I cannot wait to have my own place and apply all my OS knowledge.

SkintStudent_4

Living in shared accomodation, all the bills get split equally. You could work our her share of the utility bills to give you a better indication of what she's saving by living at home.

savvy

Darren21 wrote:

It's all down to circumstances really, if you have to work to pay the bills you have to, but certainly not a good idea to work 16hrs if you don't have to. There's no way I'd of got a 1st doing that!

Yeh I can see your point, obviously my working and bringing up 2 kids on my own, completely affected my 1st and brought it down to a 2.1! :rolleyes:

dsk1980 wrote:

that she takes out less than the full student loan, that way you are helping her to start adult, working life with a lot less debt.
I know that's what I would have preferred.

Aaaah yes that would have been lovely, instead of being made to take full student loan, £12,000, before I could receive any student grant for my kids and the hardship loan.

venace wrote:

I think charging your child to live with you while they are still in education is abit unfair, id be abit ticked off if i had to work in uni, and then work a job, and then not have enough money to enjoy myself cause my parents took it, when you probably dont even need it. But im a student so im baised

Well now I am in a mountain of debt after my studying, and being a single mother, I am finding it extremely difficult supporting my eldest through college..............let alone uni!!! When I start losing the child benefit and tax credit, I'm going to be in an even worse financial state than now!! So I DON'T think it's unfair that he starts learning to pay his way now, which educates him in life skills, which in turn goes much further than any degree!!!

jr666

savvy wrote:

Yeh I can see your point, obviously my working and bringing up 2 kids on my own, completely affected my 1st and brought it down to a 2.1! :rolleyes:

too be honest it probably did