Hiding from my ex from hell but he found me

A_new_Start_2

Andybez38: In answer to your post about not being suprised, I was suprised. I'd managed to avoid him for 3 years and now he finds me. I am aware that the internet has made the world a very small place, but I suppose what I believe is that there should be exceptions when it comes to your personal safety.

alone and fed up: I was thinking the same as you regarding the council tax. I have never filled in any forms, its all be done over the phone and internet, but I do specifically remember explaining to the lady at the council that I could not go on the electoral register because I feared for my life and thought no more of it. Wrong I guess???

el gringo: spent all day last monday at the CAB and a solicitors and ended up being told no chance of an injunction unless they actually do something to me or there is a threat made. the fact that I'm scared doesn't seems to be enough nor does the fact that he has a criminal record for violence etc etc. Even the Police suggested an injunction!

LilacPixie

Do you have any credit at all that may have linked you current address to your old address??

The reason i ask is when i moved house i switched my bank credit card etc and they linked my new address with my old one.

alone_and_fed_up

I would ask the CAB or free solicitor how much it is to start a new life. i.e. change name, get new documents and what happens to your old credit reference. Youo wouldn't want them linked.

Keep us posted.

We will all help any way we can

mummytofour

Andybez38 wrote: »

You can run, but you can't hide

What a useful comment! NOT

blue_monkey_2

OP,

Nearly 20 years on my ex will come after me if he finds me. He has tried to burn down my house while I am sleeping twice. Stalked me. He has lost me many a job by constantly called me or by calling the police threatening that he is doing all sorts to himself so that the employers get sick of the police turning up!! I moved to a different county and things were fine (although i was still very messed up) I could not afford to live n my own in the end so came back and he found me within a couple of weeks and so it started all over again. I could not evenbe in the house alone. How we pay the price for getting mixed up with certain people.

Andybez, your comment was not really required tbh, you can hide - I have been hiding fo 10 years now. And I have had to move many a time too in the 10 years before this. This nutter also tried to burn his own sisters house down because she took me in and tried to help me when I was being beate daily and I finally found the courage to tell her. he pushed my down the stairs in front of his mother who did sod all!! I tried to press charges against him and she marched me down the police station and stood over me while I dropped them. You really cannot understand if you have not been in that position so please show some compassion and think about how the OP is feeling right now. The comment came from a man though, what a surprise, another man said more or less the same to me on a thread last week.

OP, this is of not a lot of use to you now but I am sending a big hug because I can feel the pain that this will cause you.

I have remarried and changed my name and since then he does not seem to have been able to find me. I will often trawl Google using my other names and trying to find out if there is a mention of me - I found one and got the people with the site to remove the name on the site. Sadly there are many ways, have a look yourself using Google or the like, it could be something really daft - maybe he has job and has seen a delivery address (friends in the sorting office, bank or something).

Nearly 20 years on I still look over my shoulder, there are places that I refuse to go to incase I am found to be living in this area and it starts all over again. I fear that I will always live in fear of this person and his family and friends.

When you move I would seriously think about changing your name by deed poll - get it started now - as this is what worked for me. Please just think of this as a new start in your life and a way of moving on and do not tell anyone unless you need to as this way only the people who you can trust implicitley will know. if he has someone he knows working in the sorting office then your name will disappear and that will be the end of it. Get a PO BOx for all of your other mail in your own name and get someone else to collect it for you to tie up any loose ends. Make sure all mail is addressed to your new name and only use it if you think it will not be given out on any public domain. Google it often to be sure. I hope this helps for the next time you move on - as I know you will have to.

And finally, if you want a chat about anything or an understanding shoulder to cry on then please do not hesitate in PM'ing me, OK. xx

terryw

Both you and Bluemonkey appear to have done the right things to keep away from your ex-spouses. Ok, it might be inside information but my feeling is that some person is informing on you.......perhaps a friend or relative (terms used loosely), rather than someone using inside information from their employer. Best advice is to cut off contact with ex-mutual friends/ relatives.

FWIIW, some years ago, I was letting houses and several tenants did moonlight flits. I did not bother chasing as I knew it would be pointless, but in every case someone told me the new address. Sometimes within weeks or sometimes years later. Possibly a bad analogy to your situation, but I think this is the most likely way of your exs finding your new addresses.

best of luck.

terryw
















]

shell_girl

I’m sorry that you didn’t get the help you deserved at the solicitors. Please get in touch with Rights of Women (can’t link sorry but google them- it’s a London based number). This is a free legal advice line for women staffed voluntarily by female solicitors and barristers. You are exactly the type of situation they are there for- they will be able to give you the best information about how to ensure you get a non molestation order slapped on this guy. They will also be able to advise about the best way to remain completely anonymous should you decide to move again.


Your local Women’s Aid group should also be able to give you some practical support, and there may even be a ‘safer homes’ style initiative in your area that could protect you by improving security in your home- doors that can’t be kicked in or perhaps even a panic button. You can get in touch with your local group by going to the Women’s Aid website- they have contact details for every group in the UK.


Keep dialling 999 if he comes to the property. If you can, inform the police that you are a survivor of Domestic Abuse and ask that your address is flagged as such. They have a duty to protect you. Try and have an escape plan in your head about what to do if he arrives at different points of entry at the home, and make sure your mobile phone is ALWAYS charged and in your pocket.


Please try and keep yourself as safe as you can. In my opinion the real and immediate problem is the fact that he has found you- and not how he did it. I work for Women’s Aid and am constantly amazed at the length some perpetrators will go to in order to track down their ex partners. If you feel that you aren’t getting the help and support you should be getting don’t stop asking for it- eventually this scumbag will be out of your life.


Andybez- your comment was at best thoughtless and insensitive and at worst deliberately intimidating and cruel. I hope that you were just being flippant- but I do wish you could hear just a small percentage of the stories of the incredibly brave and determined women I deal with each day who are living in the OP’s situation. Perhaps then you may have thought twice before posting such a ridiculous comment.

terryw

shell_girl wrote: »

I’m sorry that you didn’t get the help you deserved at the solicitors. Please get in touch with Rights of Women (can’t link sorry but google them- it’s a London based number). This is a free legal advice line for women staffed voluntarily by female solicitors and barristers. You are exactly the type of situation they are there for- they will be able to give you the best information about how to ensure you get a non molestation order slapped on this guy. They will also be able to advise about the best way to remain completely anonymous should you decide to move again.


Your local Women’s Aid group should also be able to give you some practical support, and there may even be a ‘safer homes’ style initiative in your area that could protect you by improving security in your home- doors that can’t be kicked in or perhaps even a panic button. You can get in touch with your local group by going to the Women’s Aid website- they have contact details for every group in the UK.


Keep dialling 999 if he comes to the property. If you can, inform the police that you are a survivor of Domestic Abuse and ask that your address is flagged as such. They have a duty to protect you. Try and have an escape plan in your head about what to do if he arrives at different points of entry at the home, and make sure your mobile phone is ALWAYS charged and in your pocket.


Please try and keep yourself as safe as you can. In my opinion the real and immediate problem is the fact that he has found you- and not how he did it. I work for Women’s Aid and am constantly amazed at the length some perpetrators will go to in order to track down their ex partners. If you feel that you aren’t getting the help and support you should be getting don’t stop asking for it- eventually this scumbag will be out of your life.


Andybez- your comment was at best thoughtless and insensitive and at worst deliberately intimidating and cruel. I hope that you were just being flippant- but I do wish you could hear just a small percentage of the stories of the incredibly brave and determined women I deal with each day who are living in the OP’s situation. Perhaps then you may have thought twice before posting such a ridiculous comment.

Superb post with excellent advice.

terryw

creditwreck

Report this to you local police on phone and in writing, if he threatens or and keep a diary of threats, photos and texts.
If you have neighbours you can tell let them know that he is threatening you, or harrassing you, loitering is trheatening behaviour . I know your trust levels will be very low but you have to tell all your close friends, tell anyone you trust at work and set up a support network for yourself.
The threat is larger if you keep quiet. I can't offer advice about the how he found you but, if he is scaring you then you must get people round you that know the situation as you will revert to being scared if you confronted and you are alone. I suffered from violence and being "kept away" from friends and family, he is just bullying you most bullies are cowards!!
If you need to talk pm me...but be strong ....you have a better life!

tallyhoh

Being a family history nut as well as having worked at a refuge, I know there are devious ways used to find people.

I was blasted on a family history site for rebuking posters who offered "look ups" on electoral registers etc. Some people use the excuse that they are looking for "old friends", "natural parents", trying to contact someone whose "mother has died" etc.

There are also registers online that can be accessed for a small charge, even gives peoples ages. They can be compiled from people doing something as simple as buying through a mail catalogue.

Councils can also be conned into leaking a forwarding address, I will not say how but it can happen.

I feel so sorry for you & realise how helpless you must feel. Damn the ba****d.

Good Luck