Husband spent half the rent money on booze

RAS

Jak

Really pleased for you and glad that you managed to talk to him.

I think sometimes when we are close to a situation, we perceive what is going on as "normal" and we are somehow not OK because it bothers us. It is only when we share that we discover that lots of other people think the situation is out of order and our own perception changes and we get the strength to challenge "normal".

I am really glad he told you about the fruit machines (no I am not I wish he was not using them, but I am glad it is on the open now). Gam Anon might be useful but see how he feels. Part of it is about him knowing why he does it then finding something to replace the buzz or whatever which does not jeopardise his marriage.

jak

Absolutely. I think seeing the views on this forum has really helped both of us. Especially him as he can see that I am not over reacting and it's a trust issue rather than a monetary issue really- well for me anyway.Thanks for your supportxxx

chappers

Well done Jak as I said earlier it's not just about you taking over full control it's about a joint responsibility . We sit down every month and pick through our finances,(not that we need to now). We do exactly what you said we go through both our bank accounts work out what needs paying into the joint bills account, overpay our mortgage, put aside anything we need out of the ordinary that month such as car servicing road tax etc and then that leaves us with our spending money. It's about involving him.
When we first started doing this I saw it as a bit of a sleight against me and almost like a lecture from the wife, but as I started to get more involved and realised how it benefited us both, and saw the effects starting to trickle through ie not having to constantly worry about paying off this and that and always being behind with the bills, I quite started to enjoy it. The biggest eye opener even after we started to allocate ourselves pocket money, was how much i spent compared to my wife.
Hopefully your husband will open up to his responsibilities.
with regards to his fruit machines maybe you should keep his pocket money down abit to start with , friut machines can be a habit as much as an addiction in some cases, and not having fruit machine money for awhile might be all it takes to wean him off them.

keep a tight control on the purse srtings for alittle while yet, then when you are back on your feet give him responsibilty a little bit at at time.
Take it from a reformed irresponsible money waster that a leopard can change his spots.

jak

That gives me hopexxx

kimlisa66

Hey Jack and hubbie

Hope you both work through your problems....sounds like a similar situation I found myself in, only I didn't find out till after my husband had walked out....Like I said, you think you have seen/heard it all but its only the tip of the iceberg, then something else comes to light.......I'm now putting it right without him and much more in control.

As long as hubbie is honest with you, and you keep a close eye on things but not so much that your OH thinks you are stalking him, you should work it out between you.

Good luck, talk to each other, support each other and look forward to the future as a family.

Kim x

gfplux

Now he has told you about the fruit machines ask him about the other things he should tell you about. It has to be all out in the open before you can move forward properly.
Good Luck

jak

gfplux- I honestly hope that's it, but I see your point. It might be worth an ask...
I'll let u no...