Husband spent half the rent money on booze

RAS

HMM

I was watching this over Easter OUch. Did not get to the end, but then I am a softie.

jak

Looks like i'm off to blockbuster then...

chevalier

This is a tricky one. I think you have to tell your OH how you are feeling. Hurt and betrayed. Especially as him doing this might put your future babies home at risk. It strikes me that he isn't very mature, and has a mindset that still thinks he is single. Ie that he has no responsibilities and that you will always bail him out. That sort of thing. So I would suggest that you have to lay down the ground rules for this relationship NOW or you will continue having these problems in the future. If he loves you then he should understand why you are doing this. You have to protect yourself and your unborn child.

This being the case I would stop bailing him out. Show him your budget as it is now. And show him that there is x for discretionary spending. And that is what he gets from you. After that if its gone it is gone, and he will have to give up something if he wants to spend more. I definitely would not sign any joint finance stuff until you have sorted this.

I am sorry that you have to go through this now. But you are early enough in your relationship to work on this, and to hopefully make him see how much like a child he has acted.

Maybe also he had a blow out because he is nervous about becoming a dad?

chev

robpw2

tell him he needs to either drink or eat and not both and if he continues feed him cat food one night that will serve hm right

jak

I think it's more that he earns more than me so he thinks he should be able to do what he likes with it. Although in this case, he got 138 in wages and he knew it was allocated. The thing that bugs me the most is that we worked out the budget together! It took us ages and he was all... lets reduce the shopping budget and use vouchers etc. So I thought he;d finally started to take some responsibility. Wish my Mum lived closer. Oh dear feeling very sorry for self now...

misspoppy

Hi Jak

I'm really sorry to hear that you have been let down like this. I would plan for when you have no money coming and to me that sounds like you need to have his wages going into your account so you don't end up starving on the streets. Tell him he's shown he can't be responsible and thats why this has to be done. In the mean time try and build yourself a nest egg in case he does something like this again. To be honest it sounds like you have your head screwed on properly so keep coming back for support.

M

jak

That's a good idea. I'll get on to that tomorrow. He can phone work and arrange it then. That'll really bug him. I know that sounds awful but otherwise it's like there are no consequenses and that's part of the problem I think.

RAS

jak wrote: »

I think it's more that he earns more than me so he thinks he should be able to do what he likes with it.

JAk

This is a marriage and you have a child coming. That means that everything that you both earn goes on providing a home for you all (not just a roof over your heads). If that means that everything you earn goes on the family, so be it. If there is a bit left over, then you can each have a bit of pocket money or a few joint treats.

If he does not understand that, he is not ready to be a father or a husband. Deffo Angela's Ashes for a start.

Bismarck

"Can he see he has a problem and is it an immaturity problem or a drink problem ? Sorry a stark question but I think you need to be very clear about what you are dealing with so you CAN deal with it before you end up stuck in the house with no nappies or milk for the baby and no way of getting any because he's blown it."

You say he blew his savings before the wedding? This rings bells all over the place...does he have anything to show for his previous spending?

Make sure he can't access credit either until he shows he can be trusted or, perhaps more relevantly, wants to be trusted..

MidlandsMum

I empathise, I really do. A few weeks ago my husband managed to blow 285 in a fortnight on useless spending. The problem with men like ours is if it's in there they think they can use it. My OH thought nothing of spending his whole week's spending money in a night and coming back to the bank of wife when he was broke, or even drawing cash on a credit card. He forgets it's sitting in there for a reason.

Anyway, I screwed all my courage up into a ball and told him how unreasonable and childish he was being and I now have control of all the finances. It's made so much of a difference. He cant be trusted, hon. You need to take the temptation away from him. And if he sits and sulks, tough. Go and play with your babies in another room and if the babies are sleeping go in the kitchen, put the radio on and do some cleaning. Anything to get away from his poisonous mood until he gets over it like a tantrumming toddler.