How to have a baby without making debt?

missbee

Hi, I am sure I am not alone with my queries but I have searched other posts and can't quite find one that matches my situation so any advice would be appreciated!

I am what I would class a rational, sensible, hard-worker (ish!) who can not see when I will ever be able to afford a baby but would really like to become a mum! About me: I am 32 - I know this is not over-the-hill baby wise (my Mum had my sister aged 39) but the fact is that as a woman approaches 35 the chances of conceiving and complications are increased. I know you can get pregant straight away, but a few friends of mine took years to get pregnant -so this would make me nearer the 35 age mark. I am married and we have been together for 10 years. We have a good joint income - just under 53K - I am the greater earner at 31K. My husband has tried to get a better paid job for a while and while his wage has increased over the years I can't see how he will ever earn as much as me). Although we have a good income we have always lived to - and slightly beyond by doing lots of DIY- our means. We have a large mortgage and our monthly outgoings in mortage and BASICS before food is £1900. We have no savings.
In a nutshell my problem is this: When I am on maternity leave my income would drop by about 1300 each month - ouch we will have enough money for mortgage, council tax, water, etc but NOTHING else. I would plan to go back to work but I also would want to enjoy a child - otherwise what is the point!! But each month I am off I have worked out that by being miserly we would still be short of about £500 - so over 9 months ish this is about £4-£5 K worth of debt - WHERE WOULD THIS COME FROM??!!

We have tried saving to cover the shortfall each month but find it impossible with our large mortgage and there is always something - e.g. a broken boiler!. Selling the house is not an option - I am too old to rent - we live in an expensive area of the countrt unfortunately and have only just moved out of 'red-light' district (!) two years ago and DO NOT wish to return! I realise this post has been really dominated by finances but at the heart of all this is I really want to be able to come off the pill and have a baby. My husband is evn more rational than me and although he wants one too he says we can't afford it. 'People' say - You just manage and there's never a right time - but HOW can I manage?????? Have I really got tho wait another few years and then run higher risks? Any help appreciated!

do_it_today!

Hi Missbee :hello:
I am in a similar situation to you as am 32 main earner similar figure re. outgoings. The only difference is I would love to move!!! but doing so would mean into a 1 bed flat from 2 bed house! and we do have some savings 3k (so we are staying put) I agree in that I would love to be a SAHM. We had debts which are now cleared and are overpaying mortgage (15 years at current rate!), but this question has been on my mind for a few years now and we are expecting our first in December so - there isnt much time!
I want to take a year off at the very least to be a SAHM I can only imagine this being possible by....
taking in a lodger - (not keen)
changing mortgage to interest only £1019 / down to £560

do_it_today!

getting rid of my car :eek:
being 100% old style
stop our pensions
get rid of house phone/ broad band
reduce my clothing budget
get a part time job

start trying to live on one income now and saving the rest
Ideally I wanted to be mortgage free before the kids come but if that means waiting another 10-15 years forget it!!!
I realise I still need to explore possible part time at work options too; because me staying at home would mean we would be really financially vulnerable as DH is self employed so it is abit of worry the best we can do is try and prepare as much as we can now really. Basically you need to sit down and look at what you can definitely get rid of/ cut back on and take it from there.
PM if you want to talk some more...
good luck

missbee

Before I reply - I have posted the same question twice - any ideas how I end one??!!

I actually didn't realise switching to interest only could make that much difference - I will investigate! I good SHORT therm option - interesting

do_it_today!

Im not sure every provider would but our's does allow it

grade15

1) apply for baby benefits, child benefits..as much as you can from the government..!!
2) do u guys like close to your family..get them to do some baby sitting..
3) breastfeed..is faster, cheaper than bottle feeding..no equipments, no sterlisering
4) get baby stuff from friends and family (used items) but make sure some stuff that NEEDS to be new are new..
can't think of anything at the mo.. will write more when i think of something!

JoJoB

I think you are going to have to face up to the fact that sacrifices will have to be made. If you are intransigent on the issue of where you live and there are no other areas which can be cut back on then you are effectively choosing the house over your dream of having kids. Is it really a choice between the redlight district and an unmanageable mortgage? Isn't there somewhere in-between that would accommodate a small family?

It's a terrible thing that being on a good income has effectively trapped you and is preventing you from pursuing your hearts desire. Perhaps a dose of poverty would actually be liberating. I am about to have my first child (at 36) and our joint income will be about £21k. We have decided to sell the flat and use equity to pay off debts and rent for a while to make things more manageable - not something I would have been happy with a couple of years ago because of the "security" aspect of owning your own home. But now I feel much freer having made the decision to downsize.

If you really can't let go of your current situation in order to have a child then maybe there are options such as accommodating students (check out local English language schools which may need families to take in students for a couple of weeks at a time). Or letting out a room on a more long-term basis. Or perhaps fostering might be an option for the future in which you can combine home life with a home career.

But try not to panic too much at the moment - you are still young and things may change career-wise in the next couple of years. And if you post up an soa on the debt board they will no doubt show you lots of ways you can cut back that will enable you to save a nest egg for when you decide to try for a baby.

Good luck!

missbee

Thanks for your other suggestions:
Lodger - A friend of mine suggested the lodger option - I am not keen either a) new baby+lodger surely is not good b)accident with the towel coming out of shower+lodger = NIGHTMARE!!
No car -yikes! But I see your point! I work in the middle of knowhere though sp would have to get another straight away so not sure that it would be worth it
Clothes- I have already started to sell some on Ebay and only get new clothes from Tesco when necessary!
Pensions - hadn't thought about that. I guess mine would stop when on leave anyway????
No broadband - my husband would go nuts! - Only joking - it is SOOo hard to reduce your lifestyle when you have worked soo hard to get to a certain place - this is the whole baby dilema. But that is what martin lewis says - just stop spending! I have cancelled my contact lenses DD as a start and reduced car insurance by £10 a month. It really annoys me that it often takes until your 30s to get a good job and than as a woman your body clock says - well if you want a baby you will have to giev all that up!!

missbee

My mum lives 2 hours drive away plus she has a full time job. My husband's dad is ill so taking child there is not really possible. Thanks anyway

Snafflepants

What maternity package will you get from your work? Is it basic SMP or will they give you a bit more?

I was worried about our income and thought I would get basic SMP for 6 months (as this was before it changed to 9 months) but I was fully paid for the 6 months which was a godsend as we saved there for the following months before I went back part time.

Check out freecycle and NCT sales for baby stuff - lots of it is like new as people tend to buy so much and it has hardly any use.

Best of luck

Snaffle x

do_it_today!

Hi all :hello:
int only on mort on 2bed hse £560
rent on 1 bed fl where we live £650 :mad:
rent on 1 bed fl area we'd like to live £950 :eek:
so best bet is to stay put - a colleague was saying the same thing all their friends either have babies or mortgages.... not both! :rolleyes:
I wonder if its worth stopping pensions now to stash the cash?!?!?....
I can deal with poverty as have already started simplifying etc but not sure I could deal with the potential debt ie (boiler breaking down) then having to put it on plastic - we dont have a big enough war chest.
My mum might be able to help out one day week I could extend hours at work to work 4 days instead of 5. But my ideal would be to SAHM - anyway in the meantime we will have to prepare how we can and see how things pan out :j keep posting please