Depression Support Thread

Diamond78

Thanx sweety, I am just fed up going to the docs. I feel like an idiot and a waste of space. I dont like docs. Im sure they mean well, but its not like they can help me as I have to many problems. I can ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hate these feelings and thoughts I have. I feel like a failure and my son would be soo much better off sometimes. I cant do anything stupid as If I did, my poor son would suffer for the rest of his life. I dont want anyone else looking after him as I know I am the one who loves him most and looks after him best. It would destroy him if i wasnt around. But I hate feeling like this, its not fair. I want to feel normal and lead a normalish life. I have never been normal but I have never been this bad where I dont want to carry on.Everything seems a struggle and so hard.I got through stages of feeling like this, then Im okish for a while.I hate breaking down at the docs, I try so hard not to cry as I dont like anyone seeing me cry. I hav done nothing to deserve all this suffering. If i told the doc how bad and low I was, they might contact social servives and think Im unstable to look after my son but I always make sure I try and cope around him so it doesnt affect him. i feel i cant win what ever I try and do. Thanks for your kind words hun. I will let you know when Im back later, if I manage to go lol-I dont want to go but I know I should.Hugs xx

LadyMorticia

I hate it when people compare others. Different people cope in different ways. It was insensitive of your OH to compare you to his dad as you both have different disorders.

xx

feelinggood_2

Diamond - I'm so sorry that you are low ((Hugs)). I know exactly how you are feeling, and it really is horrible to have bad thoughts in your head. Could you not explain, like you have in your post, that you don't want to act on the thoughts, you just want them to go away? Thats what I told my doctor, so maybe they'd be able to help you a little more?

Diamond78

He might think Im mad and section me. I havent Sh for ages and its all built up. When ever I have seen the doc, he asks me If i feel suicidal and Ive said no as each time my son has been with me.Luckily Ive managed to get an app while his at school. I know Im mad and crazy but when you dont sh for a while it gets harder and i have no way of realising how I feel. SH use to relase a bit of it for me but im scared of sh again of the fear they would take my son away thinking i cant cope or not looking after him well when in fact I am. His always fed, clean and happy little boy. All the stuff that we have been through with the domestic violence and hate crime has affected him and i feel its my fault my son has to see a family therapist. I feel I have screwed him up and his only 6. My brother wasnt nice about it when I told him my son had to have therapy, like it was my fault, which it probaly is but i never asked to be battered, I never asked to be abused. I done everything in my power to protect my son but I could of done more so it is my faullt. i hate the guilt feeling.I look a mess too. Im sorry for going on, just having a bad time.Hugs xx

feelinggood_2

Don't be sorry for going on. I'm sorry you are hurting, but I'm glad you can talk to us. It helps to know that I'm not alone with how I feel, if you know what I mean?

Well done for not SH for ages. Thats a real achievement. How have you managed it?

I wouldn't have thought they'd section you, but I can understand your fear. Is your Doctor very understanding? Maybe you could be a little bit more open about how low you are, without mentioning suicide or anything specific? Have you tried writing down how you feel?

x

Diamond78

Im still new at the gp, I find it difficult talking to men as it is but its difficult getting an app with a female doctor. I have seen this man doc a few times now but each time have been with my son, so ive just said im ok ect. I have to see him or a doc each time my meds run out which is a pain but think he is trying to keep an eye on me. i hav thought of writting it down, maybe it would help.

As for the sf, I dont know how Ive managed not to do it, al I do know that its making me worse as I can not release the anger and all the rest of it, if you know what I mean. Eerything has built up. The fear of having my son taken away or social services has stopped me sh, but its sooo hard. I can see myself cutting as I have suffered with Sh for over 15 years, i suppose the amount of scars I have stops me sometimes as you know yourself what ppl are like when they see them and look at you in disgust. It gets me angry when judgemental ppl like that comment and give those eyeful looks. I dont want my son being bullied when his older by ppl saying your mums a nutter ect. Kids can be evil and I cant cope with my son being upset. I bes make a move in a bit as i got to be there i 10mins lol, i really dont want togo but Ibetter. I got to go into town to as I promised my son the new indiana jones lego game. i will be bak in abou 2 hours. Thanks hun so much for listening to me and comforting me, it means the world to me. Make sure you fone the place and make another appointment ok?Take care and chat soon.Lots of hugs xxxxxx

feelinggood_2

Will be thinking of you Diamond, hope you feel comfortable with the doc and can tell him how you feel. Talk to you when you get back ((Hugs))

LadyMorticia

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]] Diamond.

xx

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope you are all ok,I am well,Sorry Tiff for not being around last night glad you missed me though I was watching Big Brother at 9.00pm then I went to bed straight after I didnt go to pottery class today,not that I didnt feel like going,it was to make sure I am fully well for next week as I want to go back then I am just having a quiet easy day today and relaxing


*hugs* to Diamond sorry to hear you are feeling low today,hope you feel better soon

Sorry you missed your appointment FG hope you can rearange it soon

Have a lovely day everyone

*hugs*


love and light,

Katie xxx

Tulip

I am off now everyone,

chat later


love and light,

Katie xxx