Advice please

savvysass

Hi all

My best friend has just told me she is seeing my ex with whom I have a son with. We havent been together for about 4 years and I am in a new relationship, I just cant believe how its made me feel. My ex treated me very badly and she was the person I poured my heart out to about it all and now they have got together!

Are my feelings unreasonable? all I know it has really upset me and I feel she has betrayed me. I dont want him back and would be happy for him to be seeing anybody else just not my best friend!

Many thanks for you time at reading this and thoughts most welcome

miserly_mum

Taking it logically, after 4 years apart, who your ex sees is nothing to do with you. Are you sure its not a case of " not wanting him but not wanting anyone else to have him"?

Your friend isn't betraying you although I do think it'll make things awkward between the two of you. If he treats her as badly as he treated you it might not last too long anyway.

Try to be the bigger person here. I know it won't be easy but good friends are hard to find. Just make it clear you don't want to hear any details of their relaionship as it would make you feel uncomfortable.

vixarooni

You probably feel a bit betrayed in a round about way. You told this person all about your relationship and now she has gone right into his arms.

The only plus side i can see from this is that when i was a bit younger i hated my now boyfriend, and it was known in my friendship circle that i didnt like him. 2 years later i fancied him like crazy and now we live together. So maybe a relationship that didnt work out for you, might work out with your friend. Although it will be awkward but i guess you gotta move on and concentrate on your relationship now with your man and your son and leave them to it.

But i would feel the same as you so i would say your feelings arent unreasonable!

elsien

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I think the reaction is maybe more common than you might think- my mum felt exactly the same when my dad got together with her best friend a few years after they divorced. Unfortunately in her case it was the end of the friendship.
Can you talk to your friend about how you feel ?- you can't expect her to give up the relationship, but you can ask for assurances about her respecting your confidences from the past. It would be a shame to lose your best friend without trying really hard to work things out.

savvysass

Thanks for the replies, she just see's it as sex, she has just split with her husband and wants some attention, I have asked her not to betray my confidence and she assures me she wont, I just have to get used to it I suppose!

hobo28

She hasn't betrayed you but I fear its the end of your friendship. Frankly I can't see how it can survive.

Keeping_Motivated

I can see where you are coming from. Its a little strange that two people who know you very well and one of them intimately are now together and I suppose it leaves you feeling a little exposed and vulnerable. I also feel that when your friend was the one who was there through the bad times with him it feels like a betrayal for her now to be with the man who hurt you.

Not really got any advice other than what ever you do try and check that it is rational rather than do something rash while feeling irrational.

Good luck

miserly_mum

hobo28 wrote: »

She hasn't betrayed you but I fear its the end of your friendship. Frankly I can't see how it can survive.

If its only a fling as OP has said then it might not last long enough to be any serious threat to their friends ship

savvysass

hobo28 wrote: »

She hasn't betrayed you but I fear its the end of your friendship. Frankly I can't see how it can survive.

I think you may be right, I dont see how we will carry on being friends, I feel it is a taboo and you should steer clear from your friends men ex or otherwise, she has loads of men texting her and stuff so I cant understand why she had to go down this road it has really upset me

snipzychick

savvysass wrote: »

Hi all

My best friend has just told me she is seeing my ex with whom I have a son with. We havent been together for about 4 years and I am in a new relationship, I just cant believe how its made me feel. My ex treated me very badly and she was the person I poured my heart out to about it all and now they have got together!

Are my feelings unreasonable? all I know it has really upset me and I feel she has betrayed me. I dont want him back and would be happy for him to be seeing anybody else just not my best friend!

Many thanks for you time at reading this and thoughts most welcome

Ouch!! Is my first reaction. I have been split with my ex for 14 years and i would be gutted if my best friend did this to me!! I feel you are right to feel betrayed by this woman, all the men in the world she could be seeing, but instead she's with your ex :eek:Hmmm!! It is an unspoken rule between women that ex's are out of bounds to best friends, she has thought more of herself than what you may be feeling, this girl is not your best friend, i would drop her like a hot brick.

miserly_mum

savvysass wrote: »

I think you may be right, I dont see how we will carry on being friends, I feel it is a taboo and you should steer clear from your friends men ex or otherwise, she has loads of men texting her and stuff so I cant understand why she had to go down this road it has really upset me

You say her marriage has just ended. Maybe she's just going a bit wild and sewing a few wild oats. Sounds as if thats whats she's doing ,especially if she has a few men on the go at the one time.

All this might be a flash in the pan with your ex. Kinda forbidden fruit if you know what I mean?

If I was you i'd just let it be, if she's got a few blokes to occupy her you might not see that much of her anyway.