Advice please

Fourcandles_3

The only thing in her favour is she told you herself, but for me I would pull away from her for awile.

I'm sorry she cannot see this is making you uncomfortable, something similar happened to me many years ago and it still makes me feel wierd.

savvysass

I feel much more positive today, she was on the phone to me yesterday promising she wouldnt go near him again but she will, when she has been out at the weekend and is going home to an empty house..... it has made me realise what a selfish person she is

Once again thanks to you xx

Primrose

Well, I can understand your initial reaction, but he is your EX, and you haven't been together for four years. You've moved on and got somebody else, so why shouldn't he? It's just unfortunate his new relationship is with your girlfriend. I agree it's not ideal but she's not really betraying you - she wasn't going out with him while you were together. Yes, she was privy to your secrets but she now has to make up her own mind about him now you no longer have a relationship with him. She knows he treated you badly, so if she wants to be with him and risk being treated in the same way, that's up to her. Whether your friendship will survive I can't guess. Probably not many friends can survive sharing the same intimate partner.

ceridwen

Well - yes - both your ex and your best friend are free to do what they please now. I dont see the thing about unwritten rules myself. To me - I wouldnt think about any rules (unwritten or otherwise) - but I would know too much about a friends ex to be interested in him as a man anyway IYSWIM. By the time the friend had mentioned over the months/years that he snored/f**ted in bed/was no good in bed/was mean/whatever....I doubt I would be interested in him anyway:D

louise540056

The OP has a child with him too though which makes the "forget about them and distance yourself" a harder thing to do too I think!

bedshaped

Not quite the same but similar - My ex and I have been separated for 5 years and we have a daughter together.

He got together with his best mates ex wife about 2 years ago after they got divorced. It's a strange situation but we (not her ex husband though) are all still really good friends and we know that the old relationships are well and truly over.

She knows exactly what I went through with him (infidelity) yet she still went ahead with their relationship. Well the way I see it is, he is my ex for a reason and knowing what she knows about him from before she's gone into this with her eyes wide open.

My main concern is our daughter and I have to say Ex's gf is very good with her in every way and for that I am extremely grateful. I've been there with his past new gfs, who weren't keen on him seeing our daughter and there was one in particular who threw a wobbler, screaming and shouting at our daughter just because she didn't eat her beans on on toast!

At least if they do get together permanently you will know who your child is spending time with!

Sorry for waffling- I hope this made sense.

candygirl

Out of all the blokes she could pick, why pick your ex?It's a massive no no imo:rolleyes: I couldn't consider her as a friend after this:o

tsstss7

I wouldn't mind if my best friend got together with my unsignificant exes although it would prob be a bit wierd (since I haven't seen any one of them for years) - however I couldn't maintain any kind of friendship with my ds's dads new squeeze even if I liked them a lot - I'd never know what business of mine would be passed onto x! It's easy to say the wrong thing by accident and my x is not beyond using it against me (this I know from experience). So yes you do have a right to be upset - I bet she would be if it happened to her.

specialK

You are so not over reacting. In my book, she is not a true friend, more so because of your son, how confusing would that be to him if things got serious?

What a pleb he is too, for even going there!

savvysass

tsstss7 wrote: »

I wouldn't mind if my best friend got together with my unsignificant exes although it would prob be a bit wierd (since I haven't seen any one of them for years) - however I couldn't maintain any kind of friendship with my ds's dads new squeeze even if I liked them a lot - I'd never know what business of mine would be passed onto x! It's easy to say the wrong thing by accident and my x is not beyond using it against me (this I know from experience). So yes you do have a right to be upset - I bet she would be if it happened to her.

Thats one of my worries, he has been known to use things against me in the past too and I dont for one min think she would say anything intentionally but in the heat of the moment......!

Funny tho, she has been on the phone to me every day this week think she realises that she crossed the line