Been very stupid - will I go to jail?

cinnabar

I just wanted to add my support, and say that I don't think your having taken the loan out will do too much damage - i think it's rather reckless of anyone to lend you more money when your current situation is so bad! And I think that maybe the OR might want to ask you a few questions about it, but I should think they have seen it all before, and understand that if you've just gone through a relationship breakup, are depressed and on medication that maybe your judgement about such things may have been affected. I think it might be a bad idea to squirrel the 'spare' money away though - if it was just a few hundred you might get away with saying it was for living expenses, but hiding thousands looks a bit dodgy.

Please take everyone's advice to speak to one of the free debt counselling services ASAP. And from my own experience, I'd say that none of my worst fears about bankruptcy have come true - it's not an easy choice by any means, but if it's right for you then it's got to be better than your current situation. Good luck!!

skylight

I was a bit shocked when I first read your initial post.

Your SON needs YOU. He needs his Mum. He does not need the latest trainers or sun-filled holiday (regardless of what teens try to tell us!) He needs his Mum.

What you need to do is get down the shops and buy a big bar of chocolate and a cheap bottle of wine (cheap, cos your on a serious budget now!). You need to pick up the phone and speak to a bank like Natwest or Co-Op (details online) for a BASIC only bank account where all your pay and benefits can go into. A basic account with one of these 2 will give you a debit card, direct debits and the like but no cheque book or overdraft. This should take no more than one glass of wine (small glass, remember that budget!)

For the second glass, you need to sort out your current finances and this is not as daunting as it sounds. You need to sort out the here and now. Put together a complete statement of affairs of all your income and outgoings. Use your bank statements and find out exactly what you are paying (gas/Sky etc). Do not include unsecured debt at this point (credit cards etc). Put down everything as you would be spending if you owed zilch. Pour another glass.

Gather together your debts. All in one place on a seperate spreadsheet so you have everything. Pour another small glass. This is where things get difficult.

You need to tell your Son. Now, he is only a teen and there are things that he does not need to know in detail, but he needs to know that you are in severe difficulty and things are going to have to change.

Once you have spoken to him, there should be just enough wine left in the bottle for a last glass. Pour this one and phone CCCS for an appointment to discuss your situation.

Thats the hard work done. Go to bed and ensure you have 2 paracetamol for the morning......................



There is a mildly humorous spin on this (Its how I deal with things, its not for everyone). But the bottom line is, you have started the journey to sorting it out. Its going to be a long bumpy process (it will certainly feel that way!) but the road gets smoother as you get towards the end.

Take care
xx

chuckles1066

skylight wrote: »

Ah well. Bully for you.

See, I was right with the OP until "I took out a loan when I already knew I was in trouble with my debts, didn't pay off the credit cards, and booked a holiday. And then squandered the rest".

Then I thought, "waster", "sponger", things like that.

I can't think why...............

skylight

Thats fair enough. I see your point now, Chuckles.

I saw it as a very daft thing to do, but we all do stupid things when the going gets tough - denial is always the first.

sleeplessnights_2

Oh I so feel for you.....

But you need to focus on a way forward, you can't change the past now but you can change the future. I would really start by writing everything down and looking at all your options.

Please don't waste time and focus all your energies on all the bad things, but look for the way forward...

Sending you lots of hugs and strength.

Sleeplessnights xx

bintie22

Hi Terrified77

Reading your post was like reading what i had done a few years ago! I got myself into a right situation with approx 20k of debt, I was really struggling to meet minimum payments - and then i fell pregnant and had not been in my job long enough to get proper maternity pay - didn't know which way was up then!

I sought financial advice through National Debtline and ended up with a Debt Management Plan. I pay £100 per month which is distributed to all of my creditors. The scariest thing was writing down how much i owed and not having a clue what I had spent it on, and nothing to show for it.

Basically just wanted to say, you are not on your own, a hell of a lot of other people have done the same. I really feel like I'm in control of it now. Funny thing now is that i finally have a bit of money in the bank - and now i'm too scared to spend it. Rather be that way though!

Keep strong, there's ALWAYS a way forward, really pleased you took the big step in posting!

ampersand

What have you done today T77?
How are you feeling?

ampersand

chuckles1066 wrote: »

See, I was right with the OP until "I took out a loan when I already knew I was in trouble with my debts, didn't pay off the credit cards, and booked a holiday. And then squandered the rest".

Then I thought, "waster", "sponger", things like that.

I can't think why...............

###############
...and even if thought, perhaps wiser left unsaid.

So_Sad_Angel

Hi T77

Hope you are well today & can I say what a fantastically brave step you took to post your situation yesterday. You deserve a massive pat on the back for sharing what is a very personal issue ...most, probably all, of us on here have felt those same feelings of overwhelming desperation where you feel like you`ve hit that `brick wall` & lose all sense of direction.

I got to that point this week too. It`s still on my mind all the time in everything I do...I don`t sleep much anymore & when I do I`m having the most awful dreams. Dr has given me tablets to sleep but I know that this is not the answer.

Just wanted to say...hope you gained some comfort from the many posts of support you`ve received & I hope that you will now know that you are not alone in this & you have friends here that can help.

One thing someone said this week to me is `knowledge is power` so get as much as you can & be knowledgeable about your situation & your solutions that are available to you... & there are solutions!!

Let us know how you are,

hugs Angelxx

dalip

So Sad And terrified
No you don't get much sleep either before or during bc but boy do you catch up later. Last sat for the first time in 12mths i slept in until 7am:eek: . Things are tight and now i dont have a cc to fall back on it can be hard but the golden word is "self control". It's like a rollercoaster ride starts off quite slowley, peaks then all of a sudden you fall down and down until you think you are going to hit the bottom,then you start to climb back up, only to go back down, to then level off for bit. Eventually the ride ends and you say " i never want to go on that again". Thats debt, bc,Or and everything else all together in one long long ride.. I hope that all made sense as i am not very good at expressing what i am trying to say, it all comes out wrong:o .Dalip