So mad at OH!!!

Mrs_Thrift

Of course not all men are terrible with money, but lots are! But then again, how many women do we all know that have what we'd consider dreadful attitudes to money!

I'm very lucky with Mr Thrift as we do have the same attitude to money, and when either of us has a compulsion to overspend the other pulls them back into line, so we keep an eye on each other.

But I was thinking about the problem some of you have, and how to help, and it came to me when I was reading "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" by John Gray. I've only just started it, but it's a fantastic book so far, and it's really helping Mr T and me to understand each other better, and hopefully improve our relationship. (Btw, we're very happy at the moment but we don't subscribe to "if it aint broke don't fix it" when it comes to our relationship - we hope to always be consciously trying to make it better; apologies if I sound overly soppy! )

According to the book men look on unsolicited advice as saying you don't trust them, don't respect them and think they can't look after themselves. Conversely, if you tell them something, they feel that is the signal to offer help (as they tend to only bring up an issue when they are actually looking for help to fix it) whereas we often only want empathy and a listening ear. But maybe that "fault" of theirs could be put to good use? If you presented the money issues as "I have this problem, this worry, about our money, etc." maybe they will feel inclined to try and help you? And then you can discuss ideas with them maybe even say "I've read xyz on MSE - what do you think about that?" so that they know they are being involved in the decision making and problem solving!

Hope I don't sound too devious?! And hope it maybe helps some of you with problem men!

rabialiones

aaahhhhhhhhhhh!!
what a releif, and i thought it was only me, a minority, with OH who likes spending money he doesn't have.
he thinks everyday is going to be his lucky day, down at the horses, i can tell by look on his face on his return home as to amount he has lost.
i get really angry and have a go at him, then i feel sorry for him, for having had a go at him.
am i stupid?
i guess its like telling off a child when its been naughty, but when you see child asleep, little angels that they are, you feel like a wicked witch.
and theres me trying to look out for bargains and savings, bogofs etc.
sometimes i think to myself, is it really worth it, when he doesnt think twice about blowing money?
i guess its just built into me the way that i am.
then he has the cheek, to say to me about some things,
oh no wonder, its cheap-tack stuff - that really makes my blood boil.
i could go on forever, but dont want to bore you any more with my rants.
i guess i'll never learn - in a way - just like him.
BUT I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT HIM!

calleyw

My husband is not terrible with money rarely spends any on himself. Would rather spend it on me.

But we have silly little phases like getting charge for not transferring the money across. I get the answer I didn't think or I forgot.

That is what riles me. You write a cheque for £200 odd quid and then get a £30 charge because he did not login and make sure the money was there before sending the cheque off.

Now that is just plain stupid. He had the money not like he didn't have it. Told him better keep on top with his cash book now. It is not like he wrote the cheque out work and sent it off, he was at home. So no excuse not to be able to logon.

I do love him to bits but the whole thing of why did you do X and Y? I get I don't know. Now that really just makes me wild. Well blinking well think before you do it then. I will and then next he does the same thing all over again. Smashing either my head or his head against a brick wall is just not going to help the situation. Even though that is what I would like to do sometimes.

Ho Hum "I love him, I love him, I love him" Better not forget that chant. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Yours

Calley

tom_and_barbara_good

Any time my OH drives me nuts I just think of the line from Gladys Knights song Midnight Train To Georgia - 'I'd rather live in his world than live with out him in mine'

rabialiones

if we've had a tiff, i say to him, 'tell me what i've done wrong, or my faults and i'll try and correct or change myself'
his response:-
well, everything i suppose, theres so many i dont know where to start.
i interpret that as, 'at the moment, i cant think of anything'
i accept we all have faults, but it would help if he told me something concrete on which i could work.
his answer is rather vague.

i have mixed emotions about him, - anger and sorrow (when i've had a go at him)- which leave me rather confused.
i wonder if he feels the same after hes had a go at me!

i suppose its all part of being a woman