Only myself to blame

Jelly_Babies

I posted here last year and received some fantastic advice, sporadically posting on and off, starting diaries and then abandoning them, making promises to do what I can to reduce my debt and make a concerted effort. The short of it is I have failed miserably.

I feel that embarrassed I have even changed my username as all you good people who advised me will just be very annoyed I would imagine.

Have been in my own little bubble but it's about to burst me thinks. Feel utterly ashamed, read diaries such as Immoral Angel, Hypno, Pania, Karmacat, who are fighting their way out of debt and I think that by chucking a specific amount at it every month will suffice. I have the debt on 0% deals and a fixed loan, so in my head I am lazy and think as long as I overpay on them every month it's fine.

I am also in that "head in sand" group that thinks I "deserve" a holiday because me and my partner work hard, earn good money and why shouldn't we? The simple answer is staring me in the face, we live beyond our means, don't wait for anything and think it will all work itself out.

I have two young children and I so want to provide them with some form of security in the future and I have to do this for them. I would love to sleep at night without worrying about how we will manage until pay day.

This week, inadvertently I left my two debit cards at home and never got round to putting them in my bag and I have shown that I can spend nothing.

I want to start posting again, as this was the only way I seemed able to keep things in control this year and made some real headway. It was the only time I slept well at night and the only time I felt I had to justify every penny I spent. One of the reasons I stopped posting as much was someone from the "real world" recognised me and made light of my situation (well in fact took the p$ss out of me ) and I realised I was revealing too much about me. So if I am cagey then I apologise but I really really do want to do this.

I have already made some friends on here who may "remember" me as time goes on and I post and I apologise in advance for being stupid, irresponsible and going by the wayside.

My current situation is that I owe just over £57,000 :eek: and I am paying the first loan off at just short of £300 per month and paying the CC's off at a fixed rate of £600. At the moment all the cards are 0%. I have gone through all my expenditure and cut back where possible. My problem is I MUST stop spending on anything other than necessities. We earn good money and debt free we would have a fortune left over, but I am not debt free and I am living beyond my means.

I am back to basics with shopping and strict weekly budget.

Please be kind, I fear this really is my last chance. This is not a self pitying post, this is me saying I am stupid, buried my head in the sand and stopped tryinfg and I really want and need to do it this time.

LouiseJ

Just wanted to say welcome back and you have, as you know come to the right place.

You have nothing to be ashamed of and you are certainly not alone as many of us have "fell off the wagon" many times.

I am sure you will get there and if you feel the need to spend on [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] then let us know I am sure someone with give you a kick up the backside

Sending you (((Hugs))).

Krisp_3

Hi there

I'm a returning poster, so I didn't 'know' you before!

Don't feel ashamed/embarrassed - PLEASE! Nobody is perfect, everybody falls off the wagon at some point. The main thing is you have realised what you want to do, you have an incentive and we can all help somehow, even if it's just with moral support!

Welcome back. Someone who knows far more about everything will be along soon with more constructive things to say, I am sure.

But well done on the debit card realisation - it just goes to show that we can ALL do it.

take care
x

bank_of_slate

Well bend over for your official spanking!
(some would say that's a reward though:think: )

Welcome back!
...Linda xx

Jelly_Babies

Hmm, might pass on the spanking for now if it's ok Thank you for the welcome back, now time to try and get my life back on track I guess.....

findingmyownway

welcome back. you know you have doen the right thing!

how about an up to date SOA for us to look at? You are already paying £900/month servicing debt and i bet we can find more on top!

welcome and keep posting :-)

bobbadog

Big welcome back, hun - it's a fresh start now. You've got to make your Debt Free journey seem a challenge rather than a chore, don't see it as a negative thing if you can but help it. You'll be living on the basics for a bit, but so long as you keep on smiling and hang in there together, all singing to the same songsheet (so to speak) you'll most certainly get there xx

Jelly_Babies

Thank you again Starting to feel more positive as I have been feeling so alone with it all. OH knows the position but doesn't seem to appreciate and this is a hard lonely battle alone.

Have just emailed him and set out the following goals/aims for the next month.

We have a strict shopping budget of £240 per month, I know I can stick to this as I have done it before. We cook from scratch anyway so will double up and freeze.

I am not buying any lunch at work, everything has to be brought in from home. My huge weakness is chocolate, so I will buy Tesco Value chocolate in the weekly shop and make it last.

I will leave the "Bills" debit card at home and just take the joint account one out with me. The joint account has our leftovers in it which is very minimal, however I always end up using the "bills" debit card as I know it has money in there and then worrying about it afterwards. If I don't have it I can't use it - in the freezer it goes!

Over the next few months we have to pay for:- a wedding in Dublin (2 nights accomodation), both cars need 12 months TAX and MOT and really need servicing as well, OH is going away for 2 days which he booked 12 months ago and will not cancel - we really have to tighten our belts to do all of this.

On top of this I have about £200 due from Quidco. We also have a tin that is filling with £2 coins, I have no idea how much is in there and will have to break into that if desperate.

We are banned from going out until I feel we have some form of control over this again and I can sleep - I am so tired, I get in work early as there's no point laying in bed worrying and then I am so bad tempered when I get home I'm such a rubbish mother, I feel for my two kids, it is so unfair on them.

My personal challenge this week is to spend less than £10 from Friday to Friday - including the Easter weekend, that will be spent at home with the kids doing cheap and wonderful things..............any ideas?

bank_of_slate

Have you signed up for the free Thorntons treat egg?
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=803893

...Linda xx

sunshine_shell

Hide and seek, creating art work for the kitchen cupboards, baking, going to the park, on snow watch, reading, watching dvds (that they already own) there are loads of things you can do with kids,

you could even get them to go through their rooms and sort out stuff for ebay or a carboot, get them in on the action

Good luck!!

Puzzledbubbles

Jelly_Babies wrote: »

My personal challenge this week is to spend less than £10 from Friday to Friday - including the Easter weekend, that will be spent at home with the kids doing cheap and wonderful things..............any ideas?

hey,

A cheap idea for easter may be dying eggs - if you buy a box of 12/18 you can hard boil them and then get the kids to decorate them.

once they have decorated them then you can set out an easter egg hunt for them to find, once all the eggs are back they get to choose their favourite dvd from the shelf/programme to watch

if they really like it you could get them to hide the eggs for you to find?

I did this with my neice a few years back and we made the hiding and seeking last all day!

Not sure how old the children are but maybe you could do easter walking? Another mad thing i did with my neice when she was 3 ish, go to the park and you need to move from each thing doing a walk that an easter animal might do ie bunny hops, giant rabbit jumps, tiny fairy steps etc - if you dont mind them getting dirty quite fun for them to crawl etc, if you can get them to think of the animals that are born in the spring they can do little lambs etc,.

Sorry if im really off the mark and welcome back.

Puzzled