Daily Chat Thread 13th March

Toto

Aww keren bug hugs to you. How about telling the OH to crap or get off the pot In other words either move in properly, live as a couple with shared finances or start using his house more. It's taking the pee a bit isn't it? After all he can afford to pay his own way and he should be doing just that. it isn't your problem that he's paying for his own house, that's his choice, but if he's living in your house why should you be keeping him? After all you are technically living together, he eats half of the food, uses half of the utilities and you have to put up with him (which you should be charging a premium for in my opinion:D )

Toto

notanothergreyhair wrote: »

Hey everyone,

Hope you are all well.

Had a bit of a lazy morning today - I'm not dressed yet!!! I have been doing some uni work, so it hasn't been completely wasted.

I have had some great news today which has really cheered me up. It doesn't affect any of my debt, but it has made me a happy bunny.

Love,

NAGH

Ok spill we love great news here!!!

Burlesque_Babe

Gemmzie wrote: »

Keren, am I right in thinking you don't officially live together but he spends most of the time at yours?

Yes, that's right Gemmzie.

I guess I never thought that 'life after debt' would be like this. I'm struggling and budgeting each day just as hard as I was on a 28k salary with 25k of debt to clear.

I also had a 'moment of clarity' on holiday. We have loosely talked over the last year since I got my redundancy and pay out of buying a very cheap 1 bed. apt abroad somewhere (Greece or Turkey maybe where they are still cheap).

He has also said a couple of times about becoming a joint owner of my house and paying me half the value in cash. To be honest, I could never see it happening, god knows how he would raise the money (I would use all my savings to buy somewhere abroad), but we got chatting about this on holiday and he said that when he dies, he is going to leave his house to his grown up son (fair enough as he has stayed close to him since his divorce) but he wants a separate property to leave to his (currently 16 year old) daughter (the affair that led to the divorce).

So, it turns out his plan was to buy into my property and then leave half to her. Or buy somewhere abroad with me and leave his 'half' to her. I felt very hurt to be honest. I asked - what if she wants to sell?! and he said he would put a clause in that she couldn't - but that isn't good enough for me, there are always better solicitors out there! What if she was in debt and decided to mortgage 'her half'??!!! Or make life difficult for me so I sold up?! What about splitting maintenance costs - I'm guessing she wouldn't pay for something she couldn't even live in!

I told him why should I buy somewhere or let him buy into my house for it to be left to a complete stranger? (I've never met her) I also said that anything WE buy should be for US, not other people and as there is 0% chance of us having children together then surely we should leave it to each other??

He sees his daughter only once every 12-18 months and split up with her Mum when she was only 2.

I suddenly felt like I was being used to just be a financial 'leg up'.

Next time the issue comes up of 'we should buy somewhere abroad' I'm going to say 'yes, as soon as you have bought something to leave to your DD'.

Gemmzie

Sounds like he's take the piddle a bit Keren, have you been together a long time? Toto is right, he's having his cake and eating it, not on.

Toto

I wouldn't let him within an inch of owning a brick in your house keren. That place is yours, your home, your security. You have worked hard to get what you have and have suffered along the way. Does he think you're some sort of an idiot? If he wants to leave stuff to his kids then he should make provision for that himself, how about a life insurance policy? A lot cleaner and simpler than his plan (which stinks of some dodgy motive if you ask me). Do be careful with any arrangements you come to. If he does move in properly I would get a tennancy agreement drawn up so he is a lodger paying rent, not contributing to the mortgage etc.

GingerSte

Hi y'all.

You know Keren - if you want to run away with me...

(I do a brilliant corned-beef hash!)

Burlesque_Babe

I luuuuuuuuuuuuurve corned beef hash Ste!!!! Marry meeeeeeeeee??!!!!

There is no way he is coming anywhere near my place financially, even less so now!! He is very 'devious' when it comes to what he needs to pay out - he finds loop holes in the law for lots of stuff (ie taxes/NI/CSA) and I'm glad I now know the motive behind why he wanted to buy with me.

Sallyx - he knows exactly the postition I'm in (which grates a bit when he tries to say his finances are 'private') and he knows how little I've been able to earn over the last couple of months (not for the want of trying!). He says stuff like 'you should be getting a better job' and 'you should be looking for something else' - I have done - I start next week!!! :rolleyes: I still don't think he quite appreciates what I went through with my last job - even though I have spelled it out - and the effect it had on me.

I've had £50 of John Lewis vouchers delivered today from savings piggy points on Pigsback. Even they are earmarked for the next 3 family birthdays rather than being for me to splurge

notanothergreyhair

Toto wrote: »

Ok spill we love great news here!!!

I will do later

jinky67

Big Hugs to you Keren:grouphug: :grouphug: :kisses3:
Why is he so defensive?
Does he have something to hide?
Why do you never spend any time at his place?
I would definitely be asking for housekeeping if my OH had his own place but spent all his time at mine.:rolleyes:
I know that kids should come first but.....should he not be taking you into account as well?
sorry for all the questions:o

Burlesque_Babe

He is now naturally defensive Jinky. When he got divorced about 12 years ago, he was well and truly cleared out financially and now hates sharing anything, although he was a bit better this holiday - in the past he has moaned if he pays for a round where his beer is 2 euros and my sangria is 4!. He has nothing to hide (well, not now I know his motives!) but I have likened his overall attitude to 'stuff' a few times to the seagulls on Finding Nemo

I have his CC details to buy 1 lot of shopping each month and I spend £70. It's not quite half of what I buy, but I only buy stuff that we use for dinner and loo roll and toiletries etc as he is never here for lunch and rarely has breakfast.

His house is cold and I guess we have kind of 'gravitated' to him being here all the time as everything is here that we need.

Ah well, it will all come out in the wash I guess.......

Apologies to the lovely friend who has just called me and i've gone blah, blah, blah, blah BLAH down the phone to for 36 minutes I know they are reading but unable to post.