21 months to go and family driving me mad over wedding!!!

newlywed

shelovestobuystuff wrote: »

I want my wedding to be fun and enjoyable rather than perfect.After all,although its special it is just another day.
The sun will still rise even if my wedding cake fails to.

That's what we planned for. A buffet meal - so everyone could eat what they liked and avoid the bits they didn't, no seating plan - shock horror :eek: - (other that for the top table). Everyone could sit where they wanted to and speak to whoever they wanted to (or avoid them :rolleyes:).

And everyone said what a lovely relaxed day it was. It all went really well.

Thankfully we didn't have interfering relatives though Although we had the other extreme with my dad refusing to even come :mad:

It is your day - you and hubby to be - the relatives just want to be a part of it. Make sure the day is still what you want it to be and I'm sure it will be all you want it to be

shelovestobuystuff

suzukibabe wrote: »

Run away and do it!!

I wanted to run away and get married but DH persuaded me otherwise until his family started to take over, we had them inviting people who they knew, but who we'd never met before to the reception, organising flowers and balloons for the tables and it carried on until we felt our wedding wasn't ours anymore. DH told them to back off after i told him i was going to cancel everything and do it my way-run off and do it then have a party for everyone afterwards.
Fortunatley they took it in and left well alone and we all had a fantastic day.

Has your hubby2be got siblings that are married or is he the first to be married?
Do you think that by asking MIL to organise little things for you such as writing invitations for you or maybe something else might keep her occuppied,
calm her down but still feel as though she's 'involved'?

As for her seeing the venue before you is just out of order.
You and hubby2be need sit her down and tell her how you feel, both of you need to speak up, he needs to back you up and put his foot down.
Good luck xx

Hubby is the first to be getting married.His sister is 2 years younger and has just ended a long term relationship,I think MIL has her written off as an old maid already.I am the first to be getting married of my siblings also,and I am the only girl,but my mum isnt pushy at all.I know that MIL didnt get to organise her own wedding,it was all done for her,(it was also all paid for her)so maybe she is trying to take over mine as she doesnt feel she got to do hers own her way.
I dont know if I have anything by way of wedding jobs that MIL can do,its basically all sorted.I could maybe get her help on the menus,I know what I want but she is a very good cook and likes to be in control in the kitchen(even in my house:o ) so she would like that.
I will have to find something important for my mum to do too then.I guess she will be coming with me to try on dresses etc and go shopping trips with me to confetti store for ideas.My mum is a fantastic writer and quite a poet so I will ask her to do the main speech and write a poem to be put on the stationery too.
Well,I dont believe it but I am actually beginning to realise it may not be such a bad thing to let others do some things too:rolleyes: .
Maybe I should just divide up all the jobs,let others do the legwork,give them a brief and tell them to come back to me with the details once its done.:T
I will just sit back and sign the cheques.Sounds quite good actually.

jockettuk

shelovestobuystuff wrote: »

Apparantly they need me to decide on exactly what I am wearing within the next couple of months so that they have time to organise suitable co-ordinating outfits for themselves.
I didn,t think everyone had to match.

tell them your going in green with yellow dots on ha ha

shelovestobuystuff

Just thought,all the ladies in the family are quite handy with arts and crafts so they can all help with my hand made stationery too.
SIL is a jewellery designer!!!Guess whos suddenly making all the wedding jewellery.
FIL likes to think he is a comedian so I will allow him some floor time,as if I could stop him.
Son is quite a performer and the girls like to be the centre of attention,especially dancing and singing so maybe they could put on some after dinner entertainment.
My mum has a beautiful voice too,I wonder if she would be embarassed if I asked her to do something.
Maybe its not so great doing everything yourself afterall.

shelovestobuystuff

jockettuk wrote: »

tell them your going in green with yellow dots on ha ha

Do you know what ,they would probably believe me,they all think I,m mad anyway.Doesnt sound like too bad an idea though,a bit of a 1940,s theme maybe:rolleyes:

newlywed

jockettuk wrote: »

tell them your going in green with yellow dots on ha ha

I told everyone that asked that my colour scheme was pink with lime green!!! - I hate pink and it just showed up who really knew me :rotfl:

floss2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Running away is the wimps away out, and it's an extreme act of selfiishness

So you would probably regard my plans as selfish.....

Me & DF, my 2 sons, DF's parents, his best mate/best man & friend, my best mate/bridesmaid & husband, a total of 10 of us are running away to Scotland. We're staying at a small boutique hotel near Edinburgh, being married at the local Register Office then a lovely intimate dinner & stay overnight at the hotel before we go on honeymoon. When we get home, we're having a big party for my 3 brothers & families, DF's 2 brothers & families + all assorted relatives & friends.

The reason we want it that way is that I've been married before, DF hasn't and we don't want a big fuss, apart from the financial aspects of it.

[Deleted User]

So, you're essentially saying, you'll have a party with them, but you don't want to share your big day with them?

I stand by what I said. Weddings are a headache. You've got the nightmare of who to invite. Where to sit them. It's a balancing act of not insulting or annoying the people most important to you in your life.

So, you've decided to skip the headache and jump to the easy bit. Wouldn't life be simple if we didn't have to make hard decisions?

My new method of 'wedding conflict management' is to refuse to act as the 'man in the middle'. My parents are reasonable, so are my OH's.. however, they'll misinterpret the communications made between one another... so, i now refuse to pass on info, I tell them to talk to one another about it. My mum has now got the point that I will not be stressed because of their pettiness. I don't give a damn what type of dress my mum wears!

floss2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

So, you're essentially saying, you'll have a party with them, but you don't want to share your big day with them?

I have shared "my big day" with all my relatives once already - the few people we want to share our ceremony are the closest to us and if my parents were still alive they would be with us too. My DF is not religious, I cannot remarry in my church as I am divorced, so we chose a civil service.

I don't wish to spend a lot of money catering for people with whom I only exchange Christmas cards, just because I "should". I know that they will be happy with the way we have chosen to do it. Our friends & colleagues are all quite content with a party invitation and we know that they will enjoy themselves. Anyway, as we intend to pay for it all ourselves we feel that we have the right to decide how it is done & who is invited.

I hope you have a lovely wedding and that your 'wedding conflict management' system works. I wish I had the chance of such "conflict" with my parents.

shelovestobuystuff

floss2,your wedding plans sound an absolute dream.We are having a small wedding too,we are taking everyone away for a week and getting married at the end of the week.Its basically just the people we spend christmas with that will be there so 12 in total.We are not having a party afterwards either.
OH,s family want a big party but we have never even met any of the family they intend to invite,or the people from their work and dont really want to so we are not going down that route.We dont even exchange xmas cards or anything with these people so theres no aquaintance with them whatsoever.
We are choosing to spend some time,a week,with our closest family instead of the usual big do.Its not a religious ceremony either and keeping it small also means we will have to explain ourselves to less people.