21 months to go and family driving me mad over wedding!!!

Krystaltips

Good luck with retaining control. My MIL2B has been trying to take over certain aspects not very subtly... But DF has put his foot down with her and when she tried to use money and hold it over us we declined the offer...

Or wedding is September and to be honest, I booked the church and venue last year as soon as we decided the date and have done precious little else bar thinking about things... Maybe I'm too slack? I don't know lol. There just seems to be a lot of stuff we can't do until closer to the date...

shelovestobuystuff

I found that I had to put the wedding out of my mind after a certain point as I was just so excited that it was all I could think about for weeks.You just cannot sustain that level of stress,I suppose it was adrenaline,I was becoming physically and mentally drained,I often felt weepy,so I did what I felt I had to regards organisation and am trying to ignore it now until I have to,for my own sanity.It does appear that everyone else is still as excited too and are not able to put it to the back of their minds.The result being that even thought I am trying my best to keep sane I still feel drained and stressed sometimes.
I guess they are all worried that it wont be organised in time so offer their services.That makes me feel like they must think I am useless and dont trust me to organise it myself.I am good at organising stuff,I love planning,I throw fab dinner parties and birthday parties etc and I am trying to look at the wedding as just a fancier than usual dinner party.
I want my wedding to be fun and enjoyable rather than perfect.After all,although its special it is just another day.
The sun will still rise even if my wedding cake fails to.
Perhaps the trouble is that my idea of perfect and my MIl,s idea of perfect are so very,very far apart anyway that my seemingly relaxed attitude had her tearing her hair out with stress.I know that she wants it to be a perfect day,I dont care so much about perfection,I would infact rather have a laugh at the odd thing going belly up.

shelovestobuystuff

Wedding Date 5th November 2009.
This is what I have managed to organise so far.I really dont think I am leaving things too late.I am pretty confident that I am well on track.I have even thought about the ceremony rituals and the music.I want the quartet to play my favourite classical piece and as a surprise for hubby am going to get them to learn a heavy metal tune too,I can think of at least a couple of Metallica numbers that would be fab on strings.I have been in contact with the venue owner to discuss the possibility of some fireworks too,we dont want to upset the local farmers though.
I have even thought about getting the dogs to be ring bearers but hubby to be thinks that is a ridiculous idea and says there is a very good possibility that the dogs would get over excited and run off with the rings attached to them.I can just picture us all chasing them about the castle to retrieve the rings,me with my wedding dress hiked up past me knees to run up and down the stairs after them.I love a bit of slapstick:rotfl: .
Do you think a wedding plans supper would be a good idea,just to go over everything again and allow a time for the family to talk as much as they like about the wedding so they perhaps can relax a bit more about it in the meantime.

Venue is a tiny private castle in the highlands
Guest list is closest family only so 12-15 people max.
Total budget £7,000 but will try to come under.

Venue booked and £750 deposit paid(£2750 still to pay)
music £500-quartet contacted and our date pencilled in but too soon to book
celebrant ,fees,legalities £500-contacted celebrant and due to meet soon
DIY flowers £100-down to 2 scheme choices
DIY photos and video £50
DIY stationery £40-down to 2 scheme choices
Pressies for all guests £200
Wedding cake £200-M&S 3 tier 3 flavours decorated with flowers
Catering £1000-catered 2 days inc.5 course meal for 12,self catering rest of week
insurance £90
honeymoon £300-wekend at loch lomond
rings £100-simple silver or white gold bands
wedding dress £145-saw one I like in debenhams but not really decided so this may be more expensive
DIY headdress £30-simple silver or invisible wire with jewels and flowers
my shoes and other accessories £70
bridesmaids dresses and accessories(2x£125) £250-saw ones I loved in M&S but missed them in the sale,all gone now,boo hoo
sons outfut £150-he wants a cravat
grooms outfit £250-not too trussed,top button jewel rather than tie etc,indian style collar

The outfits for the kids and hubby will co-ordinate with the overall colour scheme but they will have total say as to the style of their own outfits,I need them to feel comfortable and happy.
I have the colourscheme for clothes,flowers,cake,stationery etc down to 2 choices.
1/Rich purple(my fav colour) with red and dark green foliage and a bit of thistle,I actually spotted a floral arrangemen in NEXT like this and loved it.
2/chocolates and gold with a bit of rose gold,the day would look almost like it was happening in sepia tone

provisional total = £6,975

floss2

shelovestobuystuff wrote: »

Do you think a wedding plans supper would be a good idea,just to go over everything again and allow a time for the family to talk as much as they like about the wedding so they perhaps can relax a bit more about it in the meantime.

It may calm the MIL down a bit....or have the opposite effect & make things worse

shelovestobuystuff

I think I will give it a try.I can always run away afterwards.

floss2

shelovestobuystuff wrote: »

I think I will give it a try.I can always run away afterwards.

Have you threatened to elope? Maybe that will scare them into letting you get on with things!

MsChazzer

I think your plans sound lovely, and you've done more than me and I'm getting married sooner. Might have to check out Next for that arrangement as I'd like a few thistles here and there!

It's strange how het up people get about weddings isn't it? Or maybe that's how they manifest their excitement. My mum has always been a bit cynical about weddings but now her own daughter is getting married is very excited about choosing dresses and kept asking about the colour when I'd barely thought about it. I'm pretty confident she won't get carried away though. My dad was concerned that our day wasn't going to be special enough when I told him it was going to be an informal barbecue type do. He's come round though after we explained things in more detail. Mind you, he's had two formal weddings that ended in divorce so not taking too much advice there!!

I think they all just want to do their bit.

suzukibabe

Run away and do it!!

I wanted to run away and get married but DH persuaded me otherwise until his family started to take over, we had them inviting people who they knew, but who we'd never met before to the reception, organising flowers and balloons for the tables and it carried on until we felt our wedding wasn't ours anymore. DH told them to back off after i told him i was going to cancel everything and do it my way-run off and do it then have a party for everyone afterwards.
Fortunatley they took it in and left well alone and we all had a fantastic day.

Has your hubby2be got siblings that are married or is he the first to be married?
Do you think that by asking MIL to organise little things for you such as writing invitations for you or maybe something else might keep her occuppied,
calm her down but still feel as though she's 'involved'?

As for her seeing the venue before you is just out of order.
You and hubby2be need sit her down and tell her how you feel, both of you need to speak up, he needs to back you up and put his foot down.
Good luck xx

[Deleted User]

Running away is the wimps away out, and it's an extreme act of selfiishness

I'm 3 months from my wedding and the various parents are driving me nuts over the tiniest details

shelovestobuystuff

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Running away is the wimps away out, and it's an extreme act of selfiishness

I'm 3 months from my wedding and the various parents are driving me nuts over the tiniest details

Thanks for not letting me wallow in self-pity.I think I needed a bit of a kick up the bum.I will be stronger.