21 months to go and family driving me mad over wedding!!!

shelovestobuystuff

Am I crazy to be so relaxed over planning my wedding?Its not till Nov 2009!!!Its ages away yet,has to be to give me time to save up to pay for it but hubbies family are driving me absolutely mental asking constant questions about our plans already.
I am not worried about hurrying with the fine detail but they all want to know whats happening asap.
Every single weekend I get quizzed about what I,m going to wear,colours,themes,whos the best man,maid of honour etc etc etc.They all offer to sort it out for me or offer their services for certain roles despite being told we are not having any of the traditional roles.
I have the date,the venue,the musical entertainment/fireworks all planned and organised(it was too early to book it),a very good idea of the menu to be served,I am down to a choice between 2 colour schemes for stationery and flowers etc and I will wait to see how much weight I lose before trying on dresses.Is that disorganised,I didnt think so but they are pushing for more info now and I just cant be bothered at the minute.I have loads of time to finalise it all,dont I?
Give me some keep me sane soundbites please people.
Last week the in laws went away for the weekend,met up with another 2 relatives and had a look round the wedding venue.This was the sole purpose of the weekend away.I haven,t even seen inside it yet so I am really annoyed with them.I have felt like MIL was trying to take the reins since the moment we made the announcement in the summer.

skylight

Get future hubby to tell them to back off! (In the politest way of course!)

Do it in your own way. bear in mind though that most places/dresses/cake makers etc all need A LOT of notice - in some cases more than a year, so you do need to know what you are doing but there is still no real rush right now.

shelovestobuystuff

I will find something off the peg and have a quick alteration done if need be so I am sure I have time to wait until the next big sales in January.
I am having an M&S cake.
I have already threatened to call it off if he doesnt have a word but he wont speak up to his mum.
I actually posted a few months ago on here just after we made the announcement because I was totally shocked by the behaviour of hubbys(I should say hubby to be)family,MIL in particular.I needed some reasurance that I wasn,t crazy for feeling put out by the events and comments made.I did get lots of advice then and tried to put the wedding plans on the back burner.
They had let up a little but seem to have had a new wave of interest in the wedding since the trip to the venue(so annoyed!!!,they didnt even invite us).

shelovestobuystuff

Apparantly they need me to decide on exactly what I am wearing within the next couple of months so that they have time to organise suitable co-ordinating outfits for themselves.
I didn,t think everyone had to match.

BellyDuJour

Even though I can see how they would be getting on your nerves and I think that visiting the venue without you is overstepping the mark, perhaps they are just excited and want to be included in the wedding plans?

It seems you have everything sorted out already and perhaps they are feeling excluded, especially seeing as you're not having the traditional roles in the wedding, they could be feeling left out?

A lot of parents don't know how to act regarding the wedding of one of their children, weddings, planning and associated roles have moved on so much over the years. Is there not some way you can involve them or get the message across that you don't have to plan outfits and the like straight away?

Perhaps have a coffee with your PIL2B and go through a wedding magazine discussing your ideas and what you've planned? You don't HAVE to implement whatever she suggests, but it might make her feel more valued if you say 'That's a good idea, we'll think about that' once in a while.

It's all about striking a happy medium I guess - they could have not been interested in your wedding at all which can be very hurtful IMO.

paddingtondoo

shelovestobuystuff wrote: »

Apparantly they need me to decide on exactly what I am wearing within the next couple of months so that they have time to organise suitable co-ordinating outfits for themselves.
I didn,t think everyone had to match.

This is ridiculous. Nothing needs to match unless you want it to.
I can understand why you would be upset about them seeing the venue before you especially as you weren't invited.

I don't think you are behind with your plans in fact I would say leave it as long as you are comfortable as if you have too much time you will just start changing your mind about things.

I've been planning my August wedding since last September and am quite honestly fed up with it now especially with everyone wanting to know the minute details. I even had my EX MIL asking about it at the weekend!
Just wish it would get here so I can get myself on the beach and relax.

It's your day so do what you want in your own time and at your own pace. I understand that you don't want to upset anyone unnecessarily but why should you be the one feeling stressed already? Do you have a couple of friends who can step in to the traditional organisation role of Mother / Mother in Law. That's what i've done and it's so much easier.

Emms

shelovestobuystuff wrote: »

Apparantly they need me to decide on exactly what I am wearing within the next couple of months so that they have time to organise suitable co-ordinating outfits for themselves.
I didn,t think everyone had to match.

Mothers generally do like to match their outfits to a certain extent so that they dont clash in family pics, although I dont quite see how they need over a year to do it.

Out of curiosity, how have you managed to book a venue if you havent been to see it?

Emma

elona

I'd feel like getting married abroad!

Preferably while on holiday anyway and on the spur of the moment.

If they are like this now what will they be like when you have children:eek:

shelovestobuystuff

Emms wrote: »

Mothers generally do like to match their outfits to a certain extent so that they dont clash in family pics, although I dont quite see how they need over a year to do it.

Out of curiosity, how have you managed to book a venue if you havent been to see it?

Emma

I fell in love with the place when I saw photos of it in a magazine and I have seen some more pics online too.We are planning to go another trip to the area the castle is in as soon as possible as I am dying to see it in the flesh.

skintchick

Ah they need to calm down but I think maybe they are just excited, which is nice. My mil2b is not interested in any of our plans. H2b commented on it only today. It doesn;t bother me cos I know what I want anyway but it would be nice if someone other than me was interested!

At least h2b is now we have less that six months to go.

shelovestobuystuff

elona wrote: »

I'd feel like getting married abroad!

Preferably while on holiday anyway and on the spur of the moment.

If they are like this now what will they be like when you have children:eek:

We have been together for over 16 years and have 2 kids already.We have had no serious trouble before,with MIL in particular,and I have always made sure I have the first and last say as far as the kids are concerned.The way the family dynamics have changed since the wedding announcement have totally taken me by surprise.I will not lose control of my wedding but am very surprised by the way MIL has been behaving and quite upset to have come to realise that I am going to have to fight to keep that control.
I must say that your idea of a spur of the moment weding sound sensible.I could pretend we had cancelled it but go ahead with just us and the kids under the guise of a family holiday.I will have to think about that.