Lending money to friends & family

geoffky

upset.and.lied.to wrote: »

Hi
I have encountered a similar situation.

I was contacted by Cheryl - reporting her partner had taken a dodgy loan and they were just about to have their property taken. Her father has since reported to me that this is a lie. I also think other people have lent her money, as I am not an obvious first choice to ask for money. I paid this £8000 debt by credit card to what turned out to be kennels. She intially promised to pay me the next week from her savings of £18000.

I am also concerned that in my long list of texts, emails and phone calls from her that she has definately lied to me. Excuses for non payment include telling me that her bank had frozen her account, that she had taken a loan but there were issues due to previous identity theft etc.

I think she has somehow also done something illegal. I received calls from her bank (HSBC) - who I have no account with. I believe that the first was from her 'branch' to explain to me the delay in her funds entering my account. Also from 'head office' to arrange a meeting to transfer money and explain why problems had occurred. However when I went into a local branch of my HSBC they told me the number was their call centre and that their call centre would never call me as I am not a customer. I am sure this is fraudulent and criminal.

However I dont know what to do - ideally I want mine and any other money back - but I am amazed from other responses that actually it seems to pay to be a criminal.

Cheryl has a large house (rented), a horse, 4 dogs, a land rover, a motor bike - I seem to be paying for a lifestyle for her that she doesnt want to pay for herself (she does have a job). I however seem unable with our justice system to be able to get my money back with any certainty.

Sad and in need of advice.:(

Looks like you are on the end of a Nigerian scammer,,
Google 419er......and post your story on the site..

celiacelia226

I prefer dealing and good faith, but also disappointing thing

bargainbetty

I have three very close friends, S, G and P.

G lost her job through being unable to work after an injury. She is in the USA, and they have no benefits to speak of. I paid her rent for a few months until she could work again, and sent her money for food when she needed it. When she got a settlement from the insurance company, she set money aside and paid every single bill she had incurred. The day I flew over for a holiday, she counted $2750 in cash into my hand and thanked me for helping her. I will lend her money again in a heartbeat.

S was trying to start a business, but was diagnosed with health problems which massively slowed him down. I helped him out with day-to-day costs, and also lent him the money to go on a holiday (with me) because I genuinely thought the change would do him good and we were being fairly thrifty about the costs. He paid me back a nominal sum each month (most months) and when he got a payout from his first big contract, he paid me back in full. He did it with a lot less grace than G, and tried to claim he was being good by paying me before treating himself, but he did pay up. I might lend him money again, but only small amounts.

P borrowed small sums from me for years. I paid bits by card for her and dropped money into her account when times were tough. Despite always asking for the loan with a promise to pay on X date, I never saw a penny back and eventually stopped lending to her. Two years ago, her OH got a settlement after a workplace accident and she excitedly told me about the wonderful feeling of having paid everything off. Not owing a penny. Being beholden to no one. All this as I sat there looking at my empty hand wondering where my £800 was.... She won't get another penny out of me, ever.

I might lend money, but I will do it very carefully, and to a very limited audience.

Dunree

D needed money to get back home quickly due to the fact his nephew had been arrested for something for which he has since been found not guilty. (D was more of a father to this kid than the kids own waster of a father).

D had helped me out no end over the years without asking or taking anything from me.

D has never paid back the money or spoken about it.

J found out I was unable to pay for my car to be MOT'd. The cheque for the repairs etc arrived two days later.

It took me over a year to pay it back, with interest and a gift.

Roll on a few years, J needed help. I transferred the money as we spoke on the phone.

J now has a very well paid job, he wants to pay the money back soon. I told him to treat himself as he was so good to me in the past, and to give me back the money once he has.

V was kicked out of his flat. I put him up for quite a few months, only sporadically receiving rent, even though I was in serious financial hardship at the time, and he knew it. I even got him a job with a friend of ours, paying at the time, £1000 per week olus expenses.
My rent? never seen it.

V would minesweep in pubs we used, going from table to table where people would buy him drink.

If we are in the pub now, when it comes to my round, I buy for everyone but him, making sure he knows.

V now has serious addiction problems, coke and drink. Everyone but him could see it coming.

D and J, I would give my last penny to.

V, I won't even give him the time of day now...

montymouse

bargainbetty wrote: »

S was trying to start a business, but was diagnosed with health problems which massively slowed him down. I helped him out with day-to-day costs, and also lent him the money to go on a holiday (with me) because I genuinely thought the change would do him good and we were being fairly thrifty about the costs. He paid me back a nominal sum each month (most months) and when he got a payout from his first big contract, he paid me back in full. He did it with a lot less grace than G, and tried to claim he was being good by paying me before treating himself, but he did pay up. I might lend him money again, but only small amounts.

Yes, I have had this sort of experience too. Totally amazing how people think they are doing you a big favour by paying you your own money back.

Lou67

There's obviously proof of the transaction, as it went through internet banking, but it's hard to prove the cash wasn't simply given to him.

I would never ever lend anyone anything personally. I would 'give' some money to them if I could afford to lose that amount of money, but I think its a recipe for disaster lending friends and family money. It causes bad feeling and awkwardness, and more often than not, the person will avoid you like the plague, because they almost always don't have the ability to pay the money back.

I have lent money in the past and so have a number of people I know, and virtually everyone I know who has lent money to someone, has a story to tell of where it went wrong!

John_Pierpoint

montymouse wrote: »

Yes, I have had this sort of experience too. Totally amazing how people think they are doing you a big favour by paying you your own money back.

Mind you there is also the other side of the coin where someone rents to you their flat and then behaves as though they are a superior being, who has done you a huge favour.
Similarly they rent to you some of their money, and behave likewise.

[Even when they are confident that you won't "shop" them to the tax man.]

Interest is just the rent you pay for using someone else's money.

kylehp04

Unless there is a trail to confirm this, like a transfer on a bank statement or a receipt, emails etc. Then you probably don't have much hope in getting the money back.

But it is a good life lesson....I don't tend to lend money to friends and family unless I don't mind if I don't get it back. Then it is a pleasant surprise when I do

celiacelia226

I lent a friend money, he does not have to return, may as everyone says, never to return.

CKhalvashi

nightsong wrote: »

We lent a friend money a couple of years ago, so she could go on a training course. We had a written agreement (her idea) and she set up a SO to pay us back. It all went fine. Don't know how legally enforceable the agreement would have been and we wouldn't have enforced it anyway.

I decided then though, that it was the last time I'd do something like that. She is a very dear friend and there was some subtle change in our relationship during that time which I didn't like at all. Fortunately it's all over and forgotten now.

I have had a couple of previous experiences of lending money (quite large amounts) on a "pay me back when you can" basis where I just never saw the money again. It's just not worth it. People who borrow money tend to think it's theirs - they have a completely different mindset about it to me, I've come to understand. I wouldn't do it myself.

I've got a friend who borrowed from us for motorbike and insurance.

He got made redundant, however still made payments of £10/week from JSA and we've been repaid in full. It worked well.

He's a good motorbike taxi in London if I need one, too!

CK