Depression Support Thread

ilovegreatdanes

diamond...just re-read your post and felt really embarrassed when i read what you are going throu.i should be ashamed of myself as my worries are miniscule compared to yours.
thats the trouble with the council these days...theres so many lists and not enough houses.they are rehousing loads near me to knock down the old ones then rebuild new ones.but then they sell the land to developers who dont know what to charge!!!!! then the council complain theres no land and they have no dosh(all goes in councillors expenses!)so the lists go on and on.my friend is 360th on one list.136th on another.private landlords are charging at least 100quid a week and 500quid bond!!!!and a months rent up front.who has that kind of dosh!!!you could buy your own round here for less mortgage,iykwim.and thet have to let the council tenants buy them when they have been in about 2 years so of course, they have bought them and then sold them for a huge profit.i suppose this right to buy is fair if they have been tenants for many years but if they can buy them nearly as soon as they move in, theres bound to be no homes left....and they give em huge discounts so somethings wrong somewhere........
would you be able to put up some kind of temporary screen at nite, so although you are sharing with ds, you still feel abit private but he is comforted that you are in the same room?what about putting internal little windows in the top of the wall between yours and the otyher dark room like they do on these diy progs where they take half the room for a bathroom?
i would do it and not tell the landlord....sounds like you wont get your bond back from him if you leave so get your own back.
hope things pick up soon.xx

LadyMorticia

I haven't slept in two and a half days. I keep trying...and keep failing. Surprisingly I'm not tired.

Not feeling too great today. I was going to get dressed and take some photos around the house but I'm no good at photography. What's the point?

I shall just spend the day watching TV and listening to heavy metal and hoping that nobody knocks at the door and makes me jump out of my skin again, :mad:

xx

LadyMorticia

absolutebounder wrote: »

Why not go out and do something constructive and you might forget you are depressed.

Because as well as all the other mental health problems I have, I also suffer from agoraphobia.

absolutebounder

LadyMorticia wrote: »

Because as well as all the other mental health problems I have, I also suffer from agoraphobia.

fair enough, sorry didnt know, however because of the brains limited abitity to focus on too many things at once you need to do something that ties up your mind so that it doesnt remember to be depressed. You can only know depression when you have something to compare it to so you need to aim at what you are comparing with.

Diamond78

ilovegreatdanes wrote: »

diamond...just re-read your post and felt really embarrassed when i read what you are going throu.i should be ashamed of myself as my worries are miniscule compared to yours.
thats the trouble with the council these days...theres so many lists and not enough houses.they are rehousing loads near me to knock down the old ones then rebuild new ones.but then they sell the land to developers who dont know what to charge!!!!! then the council complain theres no land and they have no dosh(all goes in councillors expenses!)so the lists go on and on.my friend is 360th on one list.136th on another.private landlords are charging at least 100quid a week and 500quid bond!!!!and a months rent up front.who has that kind of dosh!!!you could buy your own round here for less mortgage,iykwim.and thet have to let the council tenants buy them when they have been in about 2 years so of course, they have bought them and then sold them for a huge profit.i suppose this right to buy is fair if they have been tenants for many years but if they can buy them nearly as soon as they move in, theres bound to be no homes left....and they give em huge discounts so somethings wrong somewhere........
would you be able to put up some kind of temporary screen at nite, so although you are sharing with ds, you still feel abit private but he is comforted that you are in the same room?what about putting internal little windows in the top of the wall between yours and the otyher dark room like they do on these diy progs where they take half the room for a bathroom?
i would do it and not tell the landlord....sounds like you wont get your bond back from him if you leave so get your own back.
hope things pick up soon.xx

Hiya,thanks for the lovely comments.Please dont be ashamed of yourself.You have no reason to be hun as depression as you know affects us all differently and when things dont go well the deppression can get bad.I have no choice but to deal and try and cope coz of my son.If i let myself go it would affect my son, Im sure it has affected him a bit but touch would he is a happy and healthy boy.Only problems he suffers with is being scared of noise and the dark due to the domestic violence and hate crime we went through,Unfortunatly he witnessed all the stuff thats happened to me as he was by my side when these awful things happened.But he is doing well at school, apart from being sleepless and tired he is doing fab.Im extremly proud of my son.Maybe part of it is down to me,but no one ever tells me this. He is not naughty or rude, has manners and eats well(not like me) So I must be doing something right. I have asked the gp to refer him to see someone similar to a councillor which may help him in regards to his sleeping and being scared. I know the things we have been through has affected him and it may be useful he talks to someone different as well as me.He is my best friend,so I dont really need friends, I have you lot from here.Even though I do not know any of you, we all share things in common.I thank you all for everything as it has helped me a great deal. Im sure If i did not post on here and continue to post, my mind, depression and everything else would be a lot worse.

I went docs today, been feeling dizzy due to not taking the seroxat. I told her, I felt really scared suddenly, feeling paranoid something bad is going to happen to me and my panic atacks was getting worse. I have to carry on taking the sroxat properly aswell as the propropanol. I have been refered to another councilling which is self referal but I keep forgetting to ring them wednesdays as there is a time slot.Its memeory, im telling you parenting has aged my memory and so has this depression. I dont like buses anymore, it really scares me. i know everyone isnt bad, but theres some evil ppl out in the world, very sick and twisted.I feel afriad that I am not strong enough to protect myself. I dont want my son witnessing anything else.I have also been refered to the dietican as my eating has gone down hill.Im fed up drinking supplement drinks, they make me sick after drinking it for so long.

As for the useless council, its the same evrywhere, its a national crisis to be honest. All I want is a home. The landlord is very annoyed with me for contacting the council in regards to the state of the property so he is going to give me 2 months notice to quit the flat. The council says, he must evict me so it would have to go to court, but the council are also saying that the flat is classed as a onebedroom, so why are they going to fight the landlord to keep me here when it is costing them more money.

I have an interview at 1.30 at the college for the course I applied to which starts in april.Its to be a classroom assistant. My sons school are also allowing me to do 2days a week voluntary work placement.Im really nervous as I feel useless. But it is what I want to do. I love working with children, helping them to learn and have an enjoyable time at school. We all have to start from the bottom and I feel to old though in a way. Its scary, I suffer with agrophobia but can control it some times. Its not to bad when im in a sfae environment but when outside for example dropping my son to school and back I feel scared, alone and frightened.

I wonder If i will ever feel normal?

Hope your all having a good day, sending u all lots of hugs xx

shazrobo

good luck with the interview diamond, you are a fantastic mum, and hope things get better for you.
i lived in a terrible flat when my two sons were babes, and suffered from domestic violence too, as did one of my sons, so i can totally sympathise with you. we were homeless for a while til the council gave us the house in which we live now.
my sons will be 13 in april, and i've still yet to find a job, that i can fit around my kids, they do have disabilities that makes this harder, but i am looking at doing a learn direct course and also voluntary work, so i can choose my own hours.
stay strong for your son
big hugs
shaz xxx

weegie.geek

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I haven't slept in two and a half days. I keep trying...and keep failing. Surprisingly I'm not tired.

Are you taking anything that should help you sleep? My mirtazapine makes me sleep like a baby. A baby having the must !!!!ed up dreams imaginable, but I quite enjoy that side effect. Gives me the munchies too, which is less good, but bearable.

If you're not on anything then get onto the doctor and get something.

Not feeling too great today. I was going to get dressed and take some photos around the house but I'm no good at photography. What's the point?

Digital camera, I assume? Crap digital photos don't cost a thing, so you can take a thousand and if you only get one half-decent one it's fine.

I shall just spend the day watching TV and listening to heavy metal and hoping that nobody knocks at the door and makes me jump out of my skin again, :mad:

xx

Sounds disturbingly familiar

whitevanwoman

Diamond78 wrote: »

Hiya,thanks for the lovely comments.Please dont be ashamed of yourself.You have no reason to be hun as depression as you know affects us all differently and when things dont go well the deppression can get bad.I have no choice but to deal and try and cope coz of my son.If i let myself go it would affect my son, Im sure it has affected him a bit but touch would he is a happy and healthy boy.Only problems he suffers with is being scared of noise and the dark due to the domestic violence and hate crime we went through,Unfortunatly he witnessed all the stuff thats happened to me as he was by my side when these awful things happened.But he is doing well at school, apart from being sleepless and tired he is doing fab.Im extremly proud of my son.Maybe part of it is down to me,but no one ever tells me this. He is not naughty or rude, has manners and eats well(not like me) So I must be doing something right. I have asked the gp to refer him to see someone similar to a councillor which may help him in regards to his sleeping and being scared. I know the things we have been through has affected him and it may be useful he talks to someone different as well as me.He is my best friend,so I dont really need friends, I have you lot from here.Even though I do not know any of you, we all share things in common.I thank you all for everything as it has helped me a great deal. Im sure If i did not post on here and continue to post, my mind, depression and everything else would be a lot worse.

I went docs today, been feeling dizzy due to not taking the seroxat. I told her, I felt really scared suddenly, feeling paranoid something bad is going to happen to me and my panic atacks was getting worse. I have to carry on taking the sroxat properly aswell as the propropanol. I have been refered to another councilling which is self referal but I keep forgetting to ring them wednesdays as there is a time slot.Its memeory, im telling you parenting has aged my memory and so has this depression. I dont like buses anymore, it really scares me. i know everyone isnt bad, but theres some evil ppl out in the world, very sick and twisted.I feel afriad that I am not strong enough to protect myself. I dont want my son witnessing anything else.I have also been refered to the dietican as my eating has gone down hill.Im fed up drinking supplement drinks, they make me sick after drinking it for so long.

As for the useless council, its the same evrywhere, its a national crisis to be honest. All I want is a home. The landlord is very annoyed with me for contacting the council in regards to the state of the property so he is going to give me 2 months notice to quit the flat. The council says, he must evict me so it would have to go to court, but the council are also saying that the flat is classed as a onebedroom, so why are they going to fight the landlord to keep me here when it is costing them more money.

I have an interview at 1.30 at the college for the course I applied to which starts in april.Its to be a classroom assistant. My sons school are also allowing me to do 2days a week voluntary work placement.Im really nervous as I feel useless. But it is what I want to do. I love working with children, helping them to learn and have an enjoyable time at school. We all have to start from the bottom and I feel to old though in a way. Its scary, I suffer with agrophobia but can control it some times. Its not to bad when im in a sfae environment but when outside for example dropping my son to school and back I feel scared, alone and frightened.

I wonder If i will ever feel normal?

Hope your all having a good day, sending u all lots of hugs xx

:hello:
I haven't read allyour previous posts properly so forgive me if I'm covering previously covered ground

First of all, hang on in there. Sadly, because very few people realise just how tough it is living with mental illness, you rarely get the positive feedback that you really need from others when you get through a difficult time so you have to give yourself positive feedback based on the evidence in front of you (ie your son). Give yourself credit for the great job you are doing as a mother. I don't have kids, mainly because I never thought I'd be capable of being a good mother, so I admire people like you who manage to do a great job despite living through very difficult circumstances.

Re : seroxat - so much bad press has really spooked people. As with most anti-depressants, stopping them suddenly can cause unpleasant side effects. Its not an addiction, just your body adjusting to different chemical levels and it subsides in time. Stopping taking AD meds must be done gradually to avoid these side effects. I stopped seroxat suddenly about 8 years ago and aswell as the physical side effects, my moods were all over the place. In the end, I went back on it and with my doctor, gradually reduced the dosage a month at a time. It took about 6 months, but the last couple of months were very low dosage. Lecture over.

Re : housing situation - about 13 yrs ago I found myself in a similar position (but without a child) - the house I was renting had been sold and I was given notice by my landlord, I applied for council housing but was given nil points despite being under the care of a pyschiatrist. Council told me that I should stay in house until the landlord went through the legal process of eviction and then apply for emergency housing on eviction day. Obviously with an anxiety disorder and severe depression this was just hugely traumatic. So I ended up writing to my MP, making clear reference to my mental illness and treatment etc, and what the effects of the situation were on my mental health, and literally within 5 days of posting the letter, the housing office manager phoned me with the offer of a flat. It depends on who your MP is (mine was Jack Straw, Home Secretary at the time) but its worth a try.

Re: memory - it's not you! Its the effects of the depression and medication. For years I've had a crap memory and its only been very recently that, having done lots of internet research about my meds etc, I've realised that the fact that I need a daily tick list to make sure I remember to do the simplest of tasks, is a symptom. Its been quite uplifting cos I can't now use having a crap memory as a valid reason for thinking I'm useless.

Re : agoraphobia - again for years I thought I was just lazy because I just wanted to stay home. Even now that I'm back at work and nearly functioning as normal again (most of the time) I'm still really reluctant to go out unless I really have to. Once I'm out I'm usually ok, it's just the getting out which is so difficult, and for no obvious reason. So again, see it as a symptom, not a fault in you.

You will probably be getting ready for you course interview now - best of luck. It sounds like it could be a really good opportunity for you and a chance to really spread your wings!:grouphug:

LadyMorticia

weegie.geek wrote: »

Are you taking anything that should help you sleep? My mirtazapine makes me sleep like a baby. A baby having the must !!!!ed up dreams imaginable, but I quite enjoy that side effect. Gives me the munchies too, which is less good, but bearable.

If you're not on anything then get onto the doctor and get something.



Digital camera, I assume? Crap digital photos don't cost a thing, so you can take a thousand and if you only get one half-decent one it's fine.



Sounds disturbingly familiar

Heylo there.

Nope. Not on anything to help me sleep. The doctor won't give me sleeping pills because of my "history". Not drug abuse or anything like that, just when I've been down in the past I've done some stupid things. I have nightmares whenever I do sleep and I have flashbacks too. I can't remember the last time I slept properly. I've never heard of mirtazapine. I was on zopiclone for a week a few years ago but it didn't do anything for me. Didn't send me to sleep or anything. I think I have a high tolerance of medicine.lol.

Yep. Digital camera. I own a Fujifilm Finepix S5700. It's my baby.lol. I love my camera. I love photography a lot but sometimes when I get really down I forget about it because I don't think I'm good at it when in actual fact that shouldn't matter as long as I enjoy it. I would post some of my photos here but I'm not sure how much criticism I would get.lol.

Yeah, the door always makes me jump and when the postman puts letters through the letterbox too. Heck, the kettle makes me jump. I'm like the character on The Catherine Tate Show.

xx

ilovegreatdanes

just wanted to say what a good post that was from wvw to diamond.really good advice.can only add good luck.xx
re the sleep,ladym....i either watch the shopping channels (i dont buy anything, just the drone of the jewellery and stuff!! or read a book.also try lavender oil in a bath and a milky drink and a banana.all have sleep inducing properties.dont think the body can do without sleep for long so am sure you wont be awake much longer......only thing is will you fall asleep when you really want to be awake????:)