Depression Support Thread

antronella

Tulip wrote: »

thanks Antronella,hope you are ok

Katie

I am much better thank you x

Diamond78

feelinggood wrote: »

Howdy all. Well after a brief spell of feeling absolutely fabulous, I'm down again. Self-harming and suicidal thoughts have returned, I'm in binging again. So yeah, thats that.

Hey feeling good. How are you feeling?Im sorry your feeling low at the moment,I know what its like when those thoughts come into my head but i quickly find something to distract me. I use to self harm when I was younger, as much as I would like to self harm now I cant as I have scars on my arms as it is. The only thing that stops me, is my child. He is old enough now and has seen the scars on my arm. I have had to lie to him since he was a baby, that I feel onto broken glass as I have a huge scar in one arm aswel as my wrist and other arms. I feel ashamed of my arms. I was also hit by a car when i was 8 and my mouth has a scar,so I have said others scars are from when I was hit by a car. I know its hard when your feeling so low, to switch from those thoughts but you can learn to let it go by.When you feel like that put some happy music on,cook, clean as long as there is no silence and the tv or music is on, its not so bad.You need to distract your mind as soon as those thoughts come into your mind.I use to ring samaritans. I use to write my feelings down as if i was writting a letter-sorry dont know why the writting has gone wobbly to the left. Now I post on here. I am thinking of starting a blog, Im not going to put another name and evryday spend ateast 10minutes writting, like I do on here but obviously my blog will be a lot different.I would never let anyone know it was my blog as I wouldnt want anyone I know, knwowing how much I have suffered,been through and still going through. I want to in the future, be able to look back at what I wrote and see how that I have done well.

Hope you let us know how you are.xxx

rose07

I miss the way you tucked me in
The way you used to sing to me
And the times we sang together,
The way you loved me soo
And supported me in whatever I did
You believed in me
And you gave me strength
You gave me a reason to keep on going
To keep just fighting
Then when things got rough
I looked after you
I taught you to write
How to sing our favourite song
Held your hand , whenever you were scared
Tucked you pillows up beside your head
And stoked your hair
We would sit by the window
And look out across to the fields
You could no longer speak to me,
But I still understood
I still knew what you meant
What you were thinking
We spent our time together
Singing, and playing games
………
Then I was told you were gone
So easily you had came into my life,
And soo easily you went again
I find myself thinking of you everyday
I know I will never forget you
You are the part in my jigsaw,
Missing, forever
I wish you could see me now,
And see how farr I have came
I know you would be proud
I know you would be lookin
Down on me now
And smiling.
You will always be my love,
My world, my everything
That will never go
What we had was special
What we had was true
Its something that only happens
Once in a while
I am soo lucky to have had you in my life
And to have been soo close to you
im just sorry your gone
as the tears stream down my face
I know you are at rest now
and no longer suffering
this makes my pain bearable
…………..

Why did you have to go?
I was too young to understand
Didn’t know what had happened
Never got to say goodbye
Last time I seen you
You had tubes all in you
You were soo small
I could see your suffering
Yet there was nothing I could do
You were dying slowly
Infront of my eyes
Hurt me soo much to see you like that
I remember sitting beside you with ‘tweet’
I would sit him on my hand and he would tweet
You could hear him, and put your hand
On mine, and squeezed it soo tight
It was no longer us singing together,
But me singing to you
Me drawing things for you
As you lay in that home, in that ward
Soo small, and soo vulnerable
I just knew you had already gone
I still have the necklace you gave me
But I lost the pendant
!!!!!! did I wear it, and loose it?
It was soo special and I lost it
And I lost you,
what am I meant to do?

Argh …

you were soo special
precious, my best friend,
my guardian angel, my support,
my believer, my motivation,
my everything………

god I miss you , and need you

Diamond78

Hello Everyone,
Hope your all good and well.Sorry Im replying late.I had my interview and it went all well and I actually passed the exams(very hard maths which Im not good at but Im sure a school kid could do it). I was pretty vervous, got there about 5 mins late,then got lost in the building.Its huge, which made me feel uneasy.I had a vision of some mad gunman bursting into the school and shooting ppl including me. Dunno if its coz of the latest shooting at the school in america, i know it was a while back and I never relly thought about it a lot but it obviously affected me.

Anyway, the course is for a teaching assistant nvq2, i thought it was classroom assistant as thats what i applied with the local council to do a course but this is with a college and a few months back, i went to an open evening at the college and forgot I filled the form in for teaching assistant aswell as another childcare course.Instead of semptember, they have a course starting in april, which is why had interview tody.The maths was really hard lol, i feel so ashamed that i struggled.Suddenly i had to try and get my brain to work.I was stuck for ages, I didnt go to secondary school here, only primary and went to secondary abroad.Anyway, i got 12 right out of 20 something, its not great but I have decided to do a course with learndirect to help me update my qualifications.My brain works overtime as it is.All this, i feel its all weighing me down.Trying to sort out my housing,starting a course, ive not had time to get use to it due to the course starting so soon.I have got the place on my course now, its just a matter of my confidence.
Thank Saz,WVW, you have given me lovely advice. I have decided to restart taking my seroxat properly as much as im dreading it. I have been telling my gps for the last 3 years that seroxat is no good for me. At one point it made me feel suicidal and I was just upped on my dose. I have tried to gradually reduce my dose but occasionaly try and go a day or 2 without taking it as I get fed up taking it every single day aswell as the zispin which is helping me sleep at night.If i dont take zispin, i cant sleep, it takes me ages.I really hate all this medication. I would never ever recomend seroxat to anyone.Thats the only liquid antidepressant that is suitable for me as I have problems with tablets.The zispin just melts on my tongue.The propranol is small and not so bad but still makes me heave.
Went to my brothers sstaright after picking my son from school as my mum is leaving tomorrow.Im going to miss her, even though we dont get on i love her to bits.She has had a lot of affect on my depression but I have to learn with the past and deal with it once the councelling starts.Ive been home a few hours not,got in late just after 9 and i had a panic attack in the cab.Am I going mad??please someone tell me coz when i got in the cab, i can a sudden fear the cab man was going to kidnapp me and do something bad.He was driving fast which made me scared, or maybe it seemed that way to me. But i immediatly felt uncomfortable.Its put me off my driving, driving seems so dangerous and scary but i want to be able to drive,im still having lessons but i feel scared of it.Its nto nice feeling like this, having these panick attacks.I was nearly sick.
Anyways guys, ive gone on and again, sorry.I feel sick still, gonna have a drink chat soon all, sleep well and sweetdreams to you all xxx

Diamond78

shazrobo wrote: »

good luck with the interview diamond, you are a fantastic mum, and hope things get better for you.
i lived in a terrible flat when my two sons were babes, and suffered from domestic violence too, as did one of my sons, so i can totally sympathise with you. we were homeless for a while til the council gave us the house in which we live now.
my sons will be 13 in april, and i've still yet to find a job, that i can fit around my kids, they do have disabilities that makes this harder, but i am looking at doing a learn direct course and also voluntary work, so i can choose my own hours.
stay strong for your son
big hugs
shaz xxx

Thank you hun,your a fantastic mum too, all parents on this thread are and those that dont have children are fanstastic too.Im sorry you went through similar stuff,Im glad you have come out and got away from the domestic violence as you know how bad this can be.When I think back, i was not so bad with my depression before i met spermdonor.I was depressed but not as bad.The domestic violence has had such a huge knockback on me.You dont realise maybe at the time although he still scares the life out of me.My ex is on his last chance with the police in regards to the domestic violence.had the officers dealing with one of the incidents dealt with it properly and the crown prosecution dealth with my case properly rather than throw it out, my ex would and should of been in prison but huh there is no justice in the world as lemar says.he has been getting away with so much, i wonder how much longer for.Its not fair with whqt he hs put me and my child through.But atlest im not with him and never will.He still asks me to take him back, he doesnt really want me, his trying to control me by not wanting me to be with anyone, well he doesnt own me and im very fortunate that I have no feelings of love for him, i pity him, im ashamed that i was with that,but thats the thing with domestic violence-you become brainwashed and blind.xx

ilovegreatdanes

hi,
tulip...sorry to hear you were taken ill...you love your pottery classes as well.always thinking of others ,you are.hope you are smiles better soon.same goes for ant.xx
steph....great news about your car.seems like you found a good one.xx
shaz....huge congrats on passing the exam.hope it leads to wonderful things for you.xx
hi rose....you do give us some lovely poems, very inspiring, and thought provoking.always brings up emotions i had forgotten for good and bad.hope you and honey are good today.seems a fair day for walking, at least this morn.xx
hi to ladym and week and weekie.....and the usual suspects, sorry havent mastered the tiff lists of recall, hi to tiff, ethel and sazzy,gillette and qwb and sf and bmf and rbk, see im getting better.....and hugs to everyone......you can all have smarties now...
cos tulip and ethels recovering and tiffs catnap and sazzys cleaning and brushing......so get em while you can, i say:)......
ah, ah....im not scared of the smartie defenders(gulp!!)
look i have to go and hide now but ive got me shovel so ill be ok:)
ttfn, love ilgd xx

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,


I havent gone to pottery class today as I am having a day of rest,I would feel bad if I gave it to friends and the pottery teacher so am happy for that at least also have a friends 50th birthday party tomorrow night so want to be 100% for that so after today I should be fighting fit again

have a lovely day everyone


*hugs*

Katie

LadyMorticia

Heya lovelies.

I'm not feeling too good today but I made an effort to get dressed and I'm aiming to go to hunts.mind today. My friend says she has to go today anyway so that's my incentive for going as I haven't seen her in months and I miss her.
I just hope I don't have another panic attack again. I feel faint enough as it is without hyperventilating and passing out.lol.

I'm also going to make an effort to put some make-up on. Even though I don't really want to but if I make an effort then it might make me feel just that tiny bit better.

I'm sitting here with my first cup of tea of the day. A but overdue I say. I've already got a headache.:rotfl: I'm also watching Jeremy Kyle. I need help.lol.

I also say lol too much.

I hope it's not too windy again today. I'm not sure whether to walk or get the bus. If I get the bus I might get really panicky on it and freak the other passengers out but if I walk I might get blown into the road again. Ah, decisions.I hope I manage to make it this time. I keep on getting to the door and then not being able to go out. For some reason when I have to see the doctor I push myself to go. Maybe I should treat hunts.mind as an appointment so then I would push myself to go there?

Sorry. I'm babbling again.lol.

I'm leaving at approximately 10:15am so I'll be around until then.

Much love
Morticia

Diamond78

Morning Everyone,
Hope your all well and good. Im so tired today, couldnt sleep well last night.My mum has left for the airport so feel a little sad today. I have a bad stomach ache due to IBS,havent had IBS for a while and its struck me again.

LadyMortica, your not sad, Im watching jeremy kyle to. See the dad its showing now, what a fake. After all these years of making his children suffer, he wants to know them now they are adults.Shame on him and parents who do things like that.How can you abandon your children.He reminds me of my sons dad.

Hugs to you all xxx

LadyMorticia

Diamond78 wrote: »

Morning Everyone,
Hope your all well and good. Im so tired today, couldnt sleep well last night.My mum has left for the airport so feel a little sad today. I have a bad stomach ache due to IBS,havent had IBS for a while and its struck me again.

LadyMortica, your not sad, Im watching jeremy kyle to. See the dad its showing now, what a fake. After all these years of making his children suffer, he wants to know them now they are adults.Shame on him and parents who do things like that.How can you abandon your children.He reminds me of my sons dad.

Hugs to you all xxx

I couldn't look at him. I only heard what was on the TV. He reminded me too much of someone who I thought I knew and is now in prison for a very very long time. It really gets to me that dads (and sometimes even mums) will run off and leave their kids when they are children because they don't want to deal with them and then come back in their life when they are adults because they think they're all grown up and the dad doesn't have to deal with them so much anymore.

If I ever have children I would never abandon them. I know what it's like and I would never want to put my kids through that. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. (I think that's a good saying?). I'm not very good at remembering the meaning of sayings.

I hope you feel better soon hun. I don't really know anything about IBS but from what my friend says it's very painful. I hope you manage to sleep too. Being tired can make things worse sometimes with pain and things. I sometimes find that if I'm in pain and I haven't slept well, it hurts even more.

****hugs****
xx