The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread!

Bismarck

fayjmck wrote: »

Bis - sorry if it sounded off hand - red faced here, was just saying hi, and am around working - (what I want to happen next is that I actually get off my backside, stop feeling sorry for myself and focus on work, cos that funds my family) didnt mean to sound offhand, generally read this board cos its helping and the daily things one, thats the sum of what I am up to and who i am - was trying to be polite - my future right now feels like its it tatters - cos of all my current mess ups

I honestly didnt think was being offhand (sorry it if sounded that way) just polite, am new and can't exactly say much to anyone except to ask advice I am here reading and thinking - trying to change stuff for the future.

no, please - what I said could have sounded offhand....I wanted you to read what I said and think about it before thinking that I was being rude! "get over yourself" is not the sort of thing I normally say but I'd like you to do just what you're going to do next and fix the things you want to fix...

you weren't being offhand...just feeling sorry for yourself....I was trying to get you to pick yourself up....

Pippilongstocking

Ok -had to look up the 'get over yourself' online as didnt know what you meant - and I didn't think you were being rude - I didnt know what it meant and I thought I had done something wrong, but, picking yourself up surely implies strength?

I have strength for those around me, because its my job - when it comes to me I am exhausted, no self esteem and seem to have dug a hole so big for myself i have no idea how to get out. Guess there's the self pity.

I want to somehow or other to pick myself up and somehow muddle through - I want to fix not needing to drink a whole bottle of wine to be able to sleep, to wake up the morning not wondering what kinda mess I have made by phoning/emailing/msn'ing etc someone I care about when p**d and how I haven't managed to achieve anything except a sore head and paranoia. I get up and fuction and go to work each day, probably underachieving as you had said before - muddling through, then I go home and be a good parent til bedtime, then out comes the wine, normally, to switch off my head its a vicious (?sp) circle.

I know I need to stop drinking - just no idea how to actually do it - and I dont understand why I find it so hard when I take the rest of my life on with two hands. I am trying to wrestle this, not finding it very easy. I haven't drunk for three days this week - my minds been in turmoil, thinking far too much and I am scared, more terrified of the hold this stuff seems to have on me and my need for it.

Its maybe only a baby step but for me it feels like such a big one, I haven't talked to anyone about this before - so am grateful for the openness of everyone and of the advice and the ability to be open about something that terrifies me.

My dad died an alcoholic, lost his family, everything at 53. I have no idea why I drink anything. And, it makes me so angry with myself. And so scared.

PS thanks for giving me a prod, prob what I need......

[Deleted User]

I stopped drinking in December 2006. I had hit my lowest point and knew that if I continued to drink that I would kill myself - and I didn't want that to happen. I had to get help and I did. You HAVE to reach out to someone else - whether that be a GP, a counselling service, AA, rational recovery therapy, this site, a rehab centre or any combination of the above.

When you're coming off alcohol, you have to realise that you're having to reset a default button in your brain that wants you to drink. You need to be aware of this and when life is difficult you have to be more vigilant, since your brain will continue to attempt to return to default, which is why people can go back to drinking (just last week I had a bottle of wine in my hand at the supermarket and it took some serious work to put it back in the fridge). It may be tough at times but the rewards will be beyond your wildest dreams, of that you can be assured - just anyone who's been sober 3+ months.

I also agree with Bismarck that you have to get out of your own head - it's not all about you and your needs and how difficult your life is and how other people are making you feel etc. I felt that no one understood how my life was, not just because I was a drama queen par excellence , but also because I expected everyone to be a mind-reader. I had such low self-esteem that I thought if anyone knew what I was really like as a person they'd run a mile. I moved house every 6 months so that people didn't get to close and then was upset that I wasn't close to friends or family. I was the one making my life difficult by being so SELFish and self-obsessed.

Voluntary work has saved my sanity. It's taken me out of my own head, created gentle friendships and good memories. I'm more grateful for the good things in life (the countryside, the sun shining, the smiles of acquaintances). I used to crave endorsements of my worth from other people - I needed effusive thanks if I put myself out even a little bit, now I can do things for other peole and not have to send emails to the world to let them know how marvellous I am.

My life is simple. I don't pick up a drink one day at a time as I remind myself where it will take me back to... and I never want to feel suicidal ever again in my life - and you know what, I don't need to. What a gift that is. That gift can be yours too for the taking. You have to work at it, but the rewards are immeasurable. I'm now working in a job I love, am doing a degree with the OU and have a closer relationship with my family than I could ever have dreamed of - that's what is beyond MY wildest dreams.

Get on that wagon - know that plenty of us are reading and willing you on. If I can help then I shall.

Sorry to go on so much, but this can be done. Do not be afraid as you are not alone, but you DO have to take responsibility... this is your personal journey not anyone elses.

Hiphouse

Pippilongstocking

Thanks Hiphouse - you've given me food for thought. Need to stop the self destruct bit. So much of what you have said rings so many bells. Moving, loneliness, feeling suicidal and so on.

You certainly haven't gone on. I am scared, its only lately I have noticed how many of the things I love I have discarded and how little I appreciate all those small things you say, through self obsession. All the major f**k ups in my life have been through my own drinking.

Seems terrifying to go to GP - did approach the local support team here, bad timing with someone on holiday and got cold feet with an automated kinda response. Thinking hard. Thank you for sharing with me.

I did buy a bottle of wine tonight, as was out shopping late which I should never do, opened it, poured a glass, - thought about how I would feel later/tomorrow, how disruptive it would be cos I would feel crap - emptied the glass and the bottle up and poured it down the sink, put the kettle on calling myself a silly ar*e, why the heck did I buy it.

Appreciate what you said, thanks for taking the time, I do want to take responsibility for my own journey.

[Deleted User]

Good to hear back from you Fay, please keep in touch with this board whilst you're thinking through all the stuff firing off in your head. You're going through a tough, but potentially life-changing time which is scary (even if the potential is exciting). Try not to let your fear paralyse you into inaction. Get it all out of your head and on here if it's not possible elsewhere.

I'm hugely impressed with the wine going down the sink - I don't think I was ever brave enough to do that myself. I hope that action gives you strength. Hold onto all these positive steps as you build in confidence.

Not having a drink one day at a time is all that matters. Do not project into the future, just think about the present - the next five minutes if needs be when the time gets tough. You need to keep this simple and you must not beat yourself up for struggling. The next time a drink calls, get physically active - go for a walk; clean the fridge, whatever you need to do to divert your thinking. Maybe you can remind yourself just how bad you feel when you have a drink, just as you did before the wine went down the sink last night.

I'm glad that writing my experience was of some help to you - that's what helps to keep me sober - remembering what it was like and what it is like now are two very different worlds and I have to remind myself of that when the thought enters my head that I might just have the one drink.

You're stronger than I think you realise right now, but I send you my best wishes for a good day. My best wishes to all of you on this thread -thank you all for keeping me sober, one day at a time.

Hiphouse

Bismarck

well...I wasn't supposed to be logging in this morning but I'm so glad I did.

the last few posts have been very good to read.....I try not to go on about how good not drinking is....sometimes it's hard and I still feel every day is an achievement of sorts- even though I expect nothing less.

Just through drinking I could have destroyed everything I really cared about.

I am very lucky to be alive and intent to live each day like my last.

When I hit the bottom I went to AA and heard so much stuff that just made sense. If I didn't have my family I would probably be going there on a regular basis to give back to the group...instead, I'm choosing to spend time here and hope that I can help where necessary.


sometimes if I get scared about anything I just that, in the scheme of things, it is nothing compared to the pit I was in.....yeah, some things in life are unpleasant but when your head is about to explode through something you can't control and a fight you can't seem to win, small things really don't matter.

I have walked away from certain parts of my life because that is the old me....the old me had a much lessened life expectancy...my family deserves more...and so did I.

I will never say it's easy...you do however, get used to it. A good habit, if you like.

take care...I'm here most days....smile!

barshamhillbilly

Morning All
Hope everyone is OK this windy wet morning.
Jack - welcome aboard - They are a nice bunch on here - I'm sure they can lift your spirits. Not sure what advice to give you as you sound as though you are really down and struggling at the moment. But you do need to talk to someone in person too - Your GP, a counsellor, you local Alc support group, or a friend, telephone support line etc.

I survived the wedding anniversary - just 6 units on the fizzy corked stuff , so a relatively clear head this morning.

Hope every enjoyed their extra hour on bed ......... or am I two hours late now :rotfl:

Best wishes
Have a great day
BHB

eselt

Hi all- hope you all enjoyed the extra hour. Some thought provoking posts on here over the last couple of days- thankyou so much everyone. Jack- I'm worried for you, you need to get some help asap-its out there honestly, perhaps start with your GP, be completely honest about your feelings and drinking and get some advice- you don't have to stay on the dark side forever, things can change and you can get through this, it may take time and a whole load of effort and strength but its worth it- get your life back, its yours and you deserve better than this.

Good luck today everyone.

115K

Lots of people all going through the same stuff I have been through. I found it scary feeling like I was the only one that was like this and other people seem to have their lives sorted but I think maybe some people are just better at hiding stuff.

I hope everyone is okay. I find that the nights drawing in make me feel more low and so it starts today as the clocks have changed.:rolleyes:

barshamhillbilly

115K - Have just noticed your avitar ...... Very very similar to one of my tattoo's :cool: