The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread!

shopaholictiedtheknot

jo1972 wrote: »

Mild panic is turning into mild hysteria

Bismarck good idea - Jo why don't you go and buy your fave thing for dinner and/or to snack on later then you won't feel so deprived? I might just do that myself, I love smoked salmon (will kind of blow the budget but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!)

winebox

Bismarck wrote: »

how does your OH feel about you cutting down? do they feel it makes you a bit...well...boring?

Well he doesn't exactly know, yet. He does know how much I drink (as in the past - oops) but thinks nothing of it. He drinks a lot himself but in a different way - more steadily, rarely obviously drunk. He always has a red wine at midday cos it was doctors orders following a heart attack. I have tried to suggest that following it up by 2/3 pints lager, a whopping gin (at home, at least 6 pub measures) at 4pm then maybe a bottle of red & a scotch or two is not quite what the doctor had in mind (this isn't every day but also not uncommon). But he will insist on that midday glass!
However he does seem able to go without eg driving, dieting, but would NEVER go a day with nothing. However I digress, in answer to your question, he's OK like last night I was only there an hour, but I think he would get very edgy if I turned up for the weekend & announced I wasn't drinking. I like to think he wouldn't find me boring but I think he would be unhappy / nervous that the whole balance of the relationship was being tilted; he enjoys his drinking & I think I would then spoil it for him, not just missing a drinking buddy but feeling that I was being (silently) critical & watching the amount he was having & he would begin to feel awkward about it. Which I don't want to do to him - he's chosen his path, he lost his wife to cirrhosis & he knows the score. Nothing I say will change his habits, believe me I know. I don't want to abstain completely at weekends but I must stop the bingeing, & thought I would try & do it without saying anything, just try really hard to make each glass last a lot longer & overall have a lot less. When we meet for the odd lunchtime or whatever I shall say I'm dieting (true!). He doesn't count bottles, prob the only thing he'll notice is 1. I don't start a stupid row & 2. I don't fall asleep at 9pm. Can only be a good thing!

Today is Day 2 & this afternoon has been a real struggle. DD is going through phase of extreme rudeness & answering back & it's driving me NUTS & I very nearly succumbed just to calm down. I've never put so much energy into the housework! I ate early & now I've had food I think I'm going to be OK - the period before dinner is always my absolute fave time to have a few. I feel a bit silly to want a drink so much after only one AFD though & it's thanks in a large way to all of you :T

Jo how are you doing? Don't panic. I hope this isn't the wrong thing to say to you, but I'm trying really hard to alter my mindset away from the denial thing & that I "can't" have one. I plodded round with the dog this morning muttering to myself that I can have one whenever I want, there's not even anyone here to hide it from, but the whole point is I want to stop all this. A good idea to get some scrummy food to spoil yourself. Not gonna suggest a long luxurious bath I know what you get up to in there

Will check in later. Good luck all.

Bismarck

winebox wrote: »

Well he doesn't exactly know, yet. He does know how much I drink (as in the past - oops) but thinks nothing of it. He drinks a lot himself but in a different way - more steadily, rarely obviously drunk. He always has a red wine at midday cos it was doctors orders following a heart attack. I have tried to suggest that following it up by 2/3 pints lager, a whopping gin (at home, at least 6 pub measures) at 4pm then maybe a bottle of red & a scotch or two is not quite what the doctor had in mind (this isn't every day but also not uncommon). But he will insist on that midday glass!
However he does seem able to go without eg driving, dieting, but would NEVER go a day with nothing. However I digress, in answer to your question, he's OK like last night I was only there an hour, but I think he would get very edgy if I turned up for the weekend & announced I wasn't drinking. I like to think he wouldn't find me boring but I think he would be unhappy / nervous that the whole balance of the relationship was being tilted; he enjoys his drinking & I think I would then spoil it for him, not just missing a drinking buddy but feeling that I was being (silently) critical & watching the amount he was having & he would begin to feel awkward about it. Which I don't want to do to him - he's chosen his path, he lost his wife to cirrhosis & he knows the score. Nothing I say will change his habits, believe me I know. I don't want to abstain completely at weekends but I must stop the bingeing, & thought I would try & do it without saying anything, just try really hard to make each glass last a lot longer & overall have a lot less. When we meet for the odd lunchtime or whatever I shall say I'm dieting (true!). He doesn't count bottles, prob the only thing he'll notice is 1. I don't start a stupid row & 2. I don't fall asleep at 9pm. Can only be a good thing!

Today is Day 2 & this afternoon has been a real struggle. DD is going through phase of extreme rudeness & answering back & it's driving me NUTS & I very nearly succumbed just to calm down. I've never put so much energy into the housework! I ate early & now I've had food I think I'm going to be OK - the period before dinner is always my absolute fave time to have a few. I feel a bit silly to want a drink so much after only one AFD though & it's thanks in a large way to all of you :T

Jo how are you doing? Don't panic. I hope this isn't the wrong thing to say to you, but I'm trying really hard to alter my mindset away from the denial thing & that I "can't" have one. I plodded round with the dog this morning muttering to myself that I can have one whenever I want, there's not even anyone here to hide it from, but the whole point is I want to stop all this. A good idea to get some scrummy food to spoil yourself. Not gonna suggest a long luxurious bath I know what you get up to in there

Will check in later. Good luck all.

there's a heck of a lot there! well done for not responding to the triggers...I can feel the tension in your writing...I used to blame so many things for drinking...I used to think it kept me sane and "a nice guy" - mr tolerant and all that...maybe there was a brief point where I was more mellow (numb?) you forget that around it all there's a sea of mess where you're not the pleasant ever-smiling person you think you are. Mrs B & I have had some rows since I stopped drinking but not many and things are generally a lot calmer and we're more in tune with each other than we were.....I suppose that's boring in a way but it's also comfortable...I'm happy to leave the hell-raising to others...I've done my share.

I used to think that the kids' drove me to drink which isn't really true...I just didn't know how to cope with them sometimes - that was what needed addressing - surprisingly I never found the answer after a bottle or 2 of wine...I kept trying though .

I finally got to the point where me being around and sober was far more important to them than I originally thought...I began to feel wanted and accept things for the way they were not frustrated by things not being as I felt they should be.

An old friend said some time ago that deep down we're still children : sometimes we drink just because we can't get our own way or because it's simply not fair. Obviously there's more to it but if you look at it another way....if you could fix all the things that bug you in your life would you feel the need to drink?

take care tonight everyone!

winebox

shopaholictiedtheknot wrote: »

Seriously - hope you are ok Jo - I have a mad craving at the mo too - cos the sun is shining :rolleyes: seems a shame not to have a drink:o

Likewise, which is why stayed in & did the ironing (this before DD got home & tested me) - trust me to do all the ironing on the hottest day of the year. But raining is a good time to drink too - after all you don't want to go out anywhere in it. So no doubt tomorrow when it's pouring I'll be gardening! As long as I'm not drinking.
Jo you are very strong to pour alch away - I'm too tight. I reason that it's enough of a waste to buy it to drink but to chuck it....I have 3 bottles in the house which aren't shouting at me now tho they were earlier. The fact is if I decide I am going to have a drink I will get my hands on some so might as well hang on to what I've got rather than chuck it & maybe then buy more. Not that I would / will.
Thanks for your last post Bis - we keep saying you hit the nail on the head & you keep doing it! Say something stupid for a change!:D It was your bit about the child in all of us - so often starting to drink is a knee-jerk reaction to something/one that's made me cross & it's as if me having a drink is getting back at them, "I'll show 'em".....completely losing sight of the fact that I am only hurting myself. Earlier in life it was chocolate (or entire cheesecakes), later cigs, & now the chardonnay. If only I could move onto....lettuce? broccoli? (this isn't working....).
Am going to watch rest of eastenders now, tho last night someone had a glass of wine on the go throughout almost the whole of it & then Corrie.

shopaholictiedtheknot

Bismarck - some wise words indeed! I really want to be sober and spend the evenings with my family instead of falling asleep at nine o'clock! and I am definitely a big kid at heart:rolleyes:

winebox - I have been ironing too! just eaten two slices of pizza and had a nice milky coffee (decaff to try and prevent my palpitations!) and now am going to watch Doc Martin. AFD 3 so far so good!:T

Jo - hope you are ok? ((((hugs))))

winebox

shopaholictiedtheknot wrote: »

now am going to watch Doc Martin. AFD 3 so far so good!:T

Jo - hope you are ok? ((((hugs))))

I have also just watched Doc Martin! - he is so like my OH sometimes:eek: :eek: :eek: ......with whom I had a very niggly (him) cross (me, in the end) phone call tonight & again would have resorted to......but didn't so have tottered to the end of Day 2.

Same to you Jo from me.

Think everyone has retired? Am going to now, with book....hope all had a good day.

Bismarck

brilliant...well done you....I'm here doing funny things with spreadsheets.....(don't ask)....time for a decaff before bedtime...

BusinessWiz

Hi - I'm new here. It seems a nice place to be.

I'm a heavy drinker hoping to cut down for the sake of health, wealth and career.

Last week I managed a day without drink - the first in a very long time. This week I've managed two dry days so far despite the temptation of cold beer in the sunshine.

I feel grotty but this must be progress. Wish me luck!

mollypolly

Hello everyone.:hello: :hello:
Just got in from work and having my usual tea & toast.

Welcome BusinessWiz.Well done on 2 Alcohol free days.This is the place to be.We are all in the same boat ,trying to Give up/Cut down.

Well done Winebox and Shoppy and thanks for the very wise words Bismarck.You speak so much sense.

Jo.Where are you.I hope you are ok.You said you would be on here tonight.Please let us know all is well.

Lots of Love Mollypollyxxxx:happylove

eselt

Hi everyone- well done to all the abstainers, and the people who are trying hard. I'm trying to get another big push of motivation to stay on the wagon so have decided from tomorrow to put my old daily alcohol intake, at least 2 bottles of wine (usually more), in a jar and bank it- if I take an average bottle at £3.99, and I used to drink at least two, thats...blimey...£2912 a year...so this time next year I could have saved enough to take the kids on a really nice holiday...plus they will have had well over a year of a mum who is not an irritable and tired old drunk...win-win situation I think. Right thats it...I'm going to stick at this...my kids deserve a holiday more than I deserve to get trashed...any ideas of good slogan to stick on the fridge anyone?

Goodnight all, hope everyone is OK